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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fallling for much younger man

45 replies

namechangedasitishumiliating · 08/08/2013 23:09

I know it is not sensible.
There is nearly a 20 year age gap.
He is vulnerable and yet I can't get him out of my mind.
He is up for it as he is too young to know better and is flattered that an older women returns his obvious flirting and has not objected to late night texts etc.

I need to be the grown up and stop it.
Yet he is physically just my type and we have similar likes/hobbies.
My lovely husband who has done nothing wrong would be devastated.We are happy together, I am really not unhappy even though we have been married nearly 20 years.

If I were a man I would say I was a vain old fool.

But how can I stop thinking about him?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/08/2013 23:10

What do you mean by this younger man is "vulnerable" ?

Oh, and yes, give yourself a fucking talking to.

Original poster
namechangedasitishumiliating · 08/08/2013 23:13

He is mid 20's so legal, AF, don't panic :)
He is vulnerable as he is just out of a long term relationship and is bouncing around like a rubber ball. He has no family locally, so no wiser heads.
I do know I need a talking to, hence posting here and not texting him :)

OP posts:
mcmooncup · 08/08/2013 23:14

If you want to be used as a rebound regret shag, go for your life. Literally.

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 23:15

Oh for god's sake, you don't have loads in common! You have spent nearly all his lifespan married with a family, ffs. He was just starting school when you got married.

Leave him alone and stop behaving in a way that'll get you on the Daily Mail's front page.

Believe me, he does not see you in the same way you see him. He really doesn't.

SnoogyWoo · 08/08/2013 23:17

Just think, it will be like a broom handle!

AnyFucker · 08/08/2013 23:19

Broom handle ? Yuk.

Don't make a tit of yourself, op

Have you any self respect at all?

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 23:24

I have a son who is nearly that age. If I knew he was texting a woman in her mid forties I would stage an intervention and send him off to another land.

Xales · 08/08/2013 23:28

Try thinking about your H instead.

AnyFucker · 08/08/2013 23:30

Nah, think about how people will laugh their tits off at your mid life crisis when they find out

And your husband

Original poster
namechangedasitishumiliating · 08/08/2013 23:32

This is all working, thanks. Keep em coming.
In reality, I would not do anything as all my forty odd years I have always taken the sensible, safe option.
Mothers rest assured your mid 20's sons are safe.
But yet I am struggling to shift the temptation out of my head.
Thanks for your discouraging words :)

OP posts:
Coogar46 · 09/08/2013 00:21

Just to put a slightly different perspective on it - I did post about it a while ago - I am 46 and several months into a relationship with a 26 year old man. I am having the time of my life and for whoever asked what on earth people with that kind of age gap have in common - plenty thank you very much.

Difference is though is that I've been separated from H for nearly 2 years - only not got divorced through apathy and maybe finance.

If you're married then no, sorry, whether he's 21 or 65, you are married. Sort your marriage out or do the decent thing and end it before exploring anything else.

waltermittymissus · 09/08/2013 00:43

Ew. You've made yourself sound like a predatory creep!

Tell him to post on MN and we'll all tell him to steer clear.

MrsMongoose · 09/08/2013 00:59

At first I was going to say 'if you don't try, you don't find out' but that what because I assumed someone posting something like this would be single.

You're married OP, grow up.

PoppadomPreach · 09/08/2013 01:10

Absolutely nothing good can come of this. It will be one big horrible mess. And you will have to live with the pain and anguish you will undoubtedly cause you husband for the rest of your life.

You are an idiot. And people will point and laugh.

Apileofballyhoo · 09/08/2013 07:10

Try and sort things out in your life - I would worry that you feel this tempted. Take a good look at yourself and who you want to be and what makes you happy and fulfilled.

Flossiechops · 09/08/2013 07:14

Completely agree with poppadom nothing good can come of this at all. I suspect you find his attention flattering but please look at what you stand to lose and what you could gain from this ie NOTHING!

Lucylloyd13 · 09/08/2013 07:44

As others have said, your marriage is the problem here, not your lust.

Every woman has needs and if your husband is not meeting those of course a virile young adonis will stir your loins.

But an unstaisfactory sex life with your husband will not be resolved by a clandestine affa.ir with this man

TheRealFellatio · 09/08/2013 07:52

Read In Office Hours by Lucy Kellaway. That should give you a nice insight into how mature married women can bring their whole world crashing down around their heads and end up looking quite sad and silly, by getting obsessed with a much younger man.

And comments like this are never a good idea.

Every woman has needs and if your husband is not meeting those of course a virile young adonis will stir your loins.

Imagine we switch genders there......how does that look now?

Every person has needs, some need lots of sex and some need to be left alone. If a couple is ill-matched and unhappy because of it they need to separate. That is all.

kinkyfuckery · 09/08/2013 07:55

I was going to tell you to go for it, then saw you are still married.
Dont be an idiot. you're disgusting.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 09/08/2013 08:26

"He's up for it?"

Do you realise how sad and pathetic that sounds?

Your husband is "lovely" and you're "really not unhappy"

He might be lovely but you sure as hell aren't. I'm with kinkyfuckery. You're disgusting. And you should know that without the need to come on MN and boast about the fact this young pillock has taken a shine to you. You're a grown woman in your 40s. You don't need us to tell you how to forget him.

AnyFucker · 09/08/2013 08:42

Lot's of young men would be "up for" the idea of a MILF gagging for some cock whilst cuckold husband washes the pots

Sorry to be crude, but you might just be sleepwalking into a very bad porn movie just like that

Or at least that is how the rest of the world would judge you.
Not something you want to aspire to, I guess

Cherriesarelovely · 09/08/2013 11:05

Sorry, it's no laughing matter by AF you are funny!

Cherriesarelovely · 09/08/2013 11:05

not by, but!

AnyFucker · 09/08/2013 11:07

Happy to oblige Smile

Original poster
namechangedasitishumiliating · 09/08/2013 12:40

Thanks everyone. The Lucy Kellaway suggestion has been really helpful. Not read the book, but been reading interviews with her online about the book/her background, which are a great reality check.

I am not quite sure that I am
"disgusting" however, as he is well over the age of consent, nothing has happened, and I have not been hanging around youth clubs/Universities/ looking for a man to pick up. I am sure I would be in a cupboard shagging him by now if I was, not on MN asking you all to knock some sense into me Confused

OP posts: