Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Fallling for much younger man

45 replies

namechangedasitishumiliating · 08/08/2013 23:09

I know it is not sensible.
There is nearly a 20 year age gap.
He is vulnerable and yet I can't get him out of my mind.
He is up for it as he is too young to know better and is flattered that an older women returns his obvious flirting and has not objected to late night texts etc.

I need to be the grown up and stop it.
Yet he is physically just my type and we have similar likes/hobbies.
My lovely husband who has done nothing wrong would be devastated.We are happy together, I am really not unhappy even though we have been married nearly 20 years.

If I were a man I would say I was a vain old fool.

But how can I stop thinking about him?

OP posts:

GetStuffezd · 09/08/2013 12:45

Flirting and late night texting are pretty blatant signs of encouragement, all the while your poor husband doesn't have a clue. I think that's where the disgusting element comes into it. And how exactly is this young guy vulnerable?

Would you mind if your husband looked through your phone right now? Bet you wouldn't. What if he was flirting and late night texting a young woman in her early 20s?

I'm cringing, really, at the whole thing.

GetStuffezd · 09/08/2013 12:46

Bet you would obviously. Sigh.

StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 12:59

Oh dear lord...

Why don't you try focusing the attention you have been giving the OM onto your husband? Rather than late night texts, leave secret notes around for him to find etc. Have date nights once a week. Seek counselling maybe to figure out why you were tempted to begin with?

Who started the texting btw?

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 09/08/2013 13:30

OP, you're not getting it.

It's not about his age. It's not about the fact that he is 'vulnerable' (my arse is he).

It's about the fact that you are supposedly a grown up woman, married to a man you yourself say is lovely and with whom you say you don't have an unhappy marriage but nevertheless you are conducting an emotional affair with someone else - regardless of age - flirting and late night texting. Sorry, that's what you are doing. It's not a question of having your head turned. You have involved yourself by your choice.

Your poor husband. THAT is why we think you're disgusting. You're disgusting treating him with so little care and thought. We'd say that regardless of the other man's age. Because we'd say exactly the same if you were a man doing the same thing with another woman.

You asked MN to knock some sense into you. And we are. But continuing to defend yourself suggests that, actually, you don't give a damn really and will probably end up shagging this bloke. He'll shag you a few times and then want nothing more to do with you. Then your lovely husband will hopefully discover, throw you out and you'll end up sad and lonely and wondering how you went so wrong. And hopefully he will find himself someone decent and who genuinely loves him.

And if THAT hasn't brought you to your senses then shame on you.

VelvetSpoon · 09/08/2013 14:31

Bit of a reality check.

He thinks you are a potentially 'safe' easy fuck. He doesn't want a relationship with you, he knows you're married and looks at you as a bored middle-aged woman gagging for a bit on the side. Sleep with him once, you won't see him for dust again (or not til the next time he finds himself single and in need of a shag). In the meantime there's every chance of your husband finding out, being devastated, and ending your marriage.

I'm around your age, and single. I have a guy interested in me who is 17 years my junior. I'm not going to do anything about it because, flattering though it is as he's gorgeous, it's totally obvious to me and everyone I've spoken to about it, that a man of his age and attractiveness would only see me as a ONS/FWB type thing, and that's not for me.

Xales · 09/08/2013 14:52

Not necessarily true. My P is 17 years younger than me. He has been making massive hints about getting married etc. He was quite put out after we started seeing together that I referred to him as a FWB as that wasn't what he was doing. If that makes sense

Xales · 09/08/2013 14:53

I was single though when we met!!

50sLondonHubby · 13/09/2017 07:51

I think you should trust your husband with the truth about your temptation. You haven't done anything irreversably wrong yet. If your husband loves you, has compassion for you and is not possessive it may be possible to ask his permission for you to explore this. This is the only viable way to handle this. Alow your husband a say in it. You never know. You might be surprised.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/09/2017 07:56

ZOMBIE THREAD!

Blossomdeary · 13/09/2017 07:59

It is not the least normal to have lusty thoughts about a younger man - it happens to many, and the important thing is not the fact that you are having these thoughts, but what you choose to do about it. I do not even think it means your marriage is bad and in need of sorting out - it just means that you are human and not dead from the neck down.

You know what needs to be done - stop texting and cut the contact; then it can be consigned to the realm of dreams/art appreciation and just be a bit of fantasy icing on life's cake.

Blossomdeary · 13/09/2017 08:00

"abnormal" of course!

Firenight · 13/09/2017 08:02

The age gap is fine but you have marriage vows in the way.

user1497997754 · 13/09/2017 08:07

Get yourself a vibrator and fantasise.....

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/09/2017 08:31

I wish people would RTFT

Thinkingofausername1 · 13/09/2017 10:02

AF
You have made me smile reading this post, Although I know you are trying to be serious

coffeecow · 13/09/2017 10:28

Do you work with him? Where did you meet him? I think you need to cut contact if you can. Texting someone else flirting is so hurtful.

coffeeX10 · 13/09/2017 10:41

He is up for it as he is too young to know better and is flattered that an older women returns his obvious flirting and has not objected to late night texts etc.

would you be happy if your DH was doing this with a girl in her mid twenties? EVen if its just flirty texts youve already croossed the line here. There are threads on here of women finding texts like this on their husbands phone that have replies "LTB"

Stop now.

coffeeX10 · 13/09/2017 10:49

oh ffs didnt see the date

GeriT · 13/09/2017 20:54

This zombie thread made me chuckle

What a pathetic woman.

This bit was my favourite - " He'll shag you a few times and then want nothing more to do with you. Then your lovely husband will hopefully discover, throw you out and you'll end up sad and lonely and wondering how you went so wrong. And hopefully he will find himself someone decent and who genuinely loves him."

50sLondonHubby · 21/09/2017 11:20

I don't think this has to work out so bad or that you have to repress it in someway or "give it away" because of what others might think or say. Ask yourself an important question: if I deny myself this, how will affect my attitude to those around me who I love and care for each day? Speaking as the husband of a woman in her 50s whose having sexual encounters with a 35-year old man, I'm really flattered that he finds her exciting sexually and socially. She's far more fulfilled these days and doesn't hold grudges against me for holding her to a set of rules about marriage, handed down by Anglicans, mostly, that are impossibly idealistic to live up to. Trust your husband with the information. If he's not a possessive soul, he might very well grant your wish and a whole new chapter of your lives might commence.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread