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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

oh shit..this gets worse

37 replies

lupo · 07/08/2013 19:23

Dh picked a fight on Thurs (EA from him also) and left , apparently I nag too much. I asked him to come back and talk Friday eve but he refused. I have just looked in his work bag (gut?) for nurofen and found a hotel booking for two - double - on Friday eve.

Rang hotel and they said that all the rooms are double!!!! The lady was quite helpful and at first I pretended that I had left something behind, then told her the truth. She of course cant tell me anything but she did say that it is same price for one or two people and he may just have put in two when he booked online.

Apart from this, there is no other evidence. He asked for a smoking room, even though he has given up, I think he still does smoke sometimes. Not sure what to think.

If I confront, he will deny. He is always at home straight from work and does not make up nights out or business trips..he doesn't even go out. We are trying to make this fragile marriage work.

My gut says no he hasn't, or could have been there with a friend. But he is saving to do his car up and then spent 100 on a hotel room? Maybe he shared with a boy mate? Though he hasn't really got close male friends either.
So. do I kick up a storm over what could be a simple typo on screen and cause more problems..he will deny it anyway? Or do I just remain vigilant. Please help

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 07/08/2013 19:31

You could ask him insouciantly if he had a nice time on Friday - then reveal that you know about the hotel because you needed Nurofen & looked in his bag, perfectly reasonable - and watch him squirm. Doesn't sound like he's trying as hard as you are to save this fragile marriage, sorry - I'd be very surprised if it was anything except a secret assignation which made him pick a fight on Thursday to give him an excuse to be AWOL on Friday. Sorry.

Doha · 07/08/2013 19:41

You could tell him that you found out about the hotel and give him the chance to come clean. Tell him you have spoken to the hotel and he has just one chance to tell the truth about Friday night ie who he was with or he is out on his ear.
Was the hotel able to tell you when the booking was made? That would give you a clear picture if it was a "secret assignation"

Original poster
lupo · 07/08/2013 19:48

Hotel booked on Friday morning, after I text him to come home. he said he needed space to think. Don't want to confront as feel need more evidence other than a possible typo on screen. I know it is cliché but really cant see him cheating. There is EA so he will prob say I am given him a hard time, don't trust him etc and will storm out!
I just somehow need to know for sure..gut says no! cant see when he could have an affair except in his lunch hour tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
lupo · 07/08/2013 19:49

what a bloody mess

OP posts:
Original poster
lupo · 07/08/2013 19:50

he did say he would prob find a hotel, its the booking for two that is worrying me. Dinner bill at 6.30 sounds like it was just him from the cost of it

OP posts:
kalidanger · 07/08/2013 19:52

So you're not living together at the moment? Where is he staying?

Original poster
lupo · 07/08/2013 19:59

no he is back now, stayed out thurs and Friday after argument

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 07/08/2013 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacqueslePeacock · 07/08/2013 20:07

Could you go to the hotel and see?

Hissy · 07/08/2013 20:34

A hint here: LET HIM GO!

He's not worth keeping! You'll be a million times happier without him; you're just doubting yourself!

Don't.

Fefifo · 08/08/2013 01:44

I'm fairly sure, though could be wrong, that you can't smoke in any hotel in the UK anymore so could be an antiquated booking system error.

Fefifo · 08/08/2013 01:49

Sorry, just googled and I'm wrong Blush some do still allow it.

clare1279 · 08/08/2013 02:04

I'm sorry you are going through this. i don't want to appear naive but booking a double hotel room does not necessarily indicate having an affair. You had a row, he wanted some space so booked a place to stay, on a Friday morning I doubt there was a lot of choice in terms of room or price for that night. Very few hotels have singles any longer, it doesn't make financial sense, but those that do would probably be booked in advance. It may seem extravagant but the alternative of staying with friends or family comes with the inconvenience of having to explain why you need somewhere to stay and/or you need to be sociable once here - not the perfect opportunity to get away and think. What has been said since he returned? Have you asked him if getting some space helped? Good luck x

CinnabarRed · 08/08/2013 06:54

DH always books a double when staying in a hotel - he's 6 ft, so not massively tall, but he finds single beds are often a bit short for him so he prefers a double where he can sleep diagonally.

CinnabarRed · 08/08/2013 07:15

Also, the price difference between a single and a double is usually really small, so even if saving up it's still worth DH getting a better night's sleep in a double.

I hope you get everything resolved. ((((OP))))

Wearyandworndown · 08/08/2013 07:27

Some online booking sites have the number '2' for 'guests' as their default. Can you check which site he booked this through? if it was with the hotel direct, especially in July/August, single supplements are huge so he may have just thought he'd be better off in a double than a broom cupboard. Have you asked him yet? Are things okay?

Original poster
lupo · 08/08/2013 08:18

Hi, thanks for the posts, went out with girl friend last night. Ok, rang hotel, the rooms are non smoking and all double, no single supplements so same price for one or two. DH is 6.3 and comfort is important , I found his booking and the address is 1 instead of 2, but the right postcode. Am hoping he filled it in a hurry. he was back here at 9am to pick ds up to take him out, and didn't look that happy when he got here...miserable. Have no proof so am just going to keep vigilant. found restaurant receipt and bill was for one. fingers crossed x

OP posts:
Original poster
lupo · 08/08/2013 08:20

we haven't talked, he seems to want to just move on from the argument

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 08/08/2013 08:23

but honey, it doesn't change anything does it - he has still left :( you need to find out what is going on in terms of the immediate future and get yourself a solicitor ASAP. Are you in the UK?

Original poster
lupo · 08/08/2013 10:06

he came back home on Sat. The only very odd thing I noticed on sat morning when he came in was that he did not look me in the eye, even avoided my eye when I looked at him which is unusual for him.

Well, guess I will never know the truth. Pretty sure there is no affair as he always home on time etc, but could have been a one nighter? though in fifteen years he has never made me think he has been unfaithful - no previous form and sex is not up there on his priorities iyswim.

Oh well, I will never know what went on that night- maybe its or the best

OP posts:
Original poster
lupo · 08/08/2013 10:09

he came back home on Sat. The only very odd thing I noticed on sat morning when he came in was that he did not look me in the eye, even avoided my eye when I looked at him which is unusual for him.

Well, guess I will never know the truth. Pretty sure there is no affair as he always home on time etc, but could have been a one nighter? though in fifteen years he has never made me think he has been unfaithful - no previous form and sex is not up there on his priorities iyswim.

Oh well, I will never know what went on that night- maybe its or the best

OP posts:
NewFairy · 08/08/2013 10:10

OK so he put your address down as No 1 instead of No 2, and he put the room down as 2 people instead of 1.
Simple mis-types on a form?

Original poster
lupo · 08/08/2013 10:32

new fairy do you think? Or am I being naïve here?

OP posts:
Coconutty · 08/08/2013 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

navada · 08/08/2013 10:42

The hotel room is irrelevant - the fact that he deliberately picked a fight & walked out on you is enough. I couldn't live with a man like that, not long term anyway.

Sorry you're going through this.