oh shit..this gets worse

[lupo]

Dh picked a fight on Thurs (EA from him also) and left , apparently I nag too much. I asked him to come back and talk Friday eve but he refused. I have just looked in his work bag (gut?) for nurofen and found a hotel booking for two - double - on Friday eve.

Rang hotel and they said that all the rooms are double!!!! The lady was quite helpful and at first I pretended that I had left something behind, then told her the truth. She of course cant tell me anything but she did say that it is same price for one or two people and he may just have put in two when he booked online.

Apart from this, there is no other evidence. He asked for a smoking room, even though he has given up, I think he still does smoke sometimes. Not sure what to think.

If I confront, he will deny. He is always at home straight from work and does not make up nights out or business trips..he doesn't even go out. We are trying to make this fragile marriage work.

My gut says no he hasn't, or could have been there with a friend. But he is saving to do his car up and then spent 100 on a hotel room? Maybe he shared with a boy mate? Though he hasn't really got close male friends either.
So. do I kick up a storm over what could be a simple typo on screen and cause more problems..he will deny it anyway? Or do I just remain vigilant. Please help

Lupo God loves a trier but honestly when you post about your H you sound so unhappy. Nobody decent walks away from a marriage lightly and of course you have wanted to keep it going for DS but I wonder if it's now run its course.

To be he obviously had a one night stand, justified it to himself by picking a fight, and couldn't look you in the eye because deep inside he knows he's in the wrong.

Look, you will be far better off without him. Desperately clinging on to a man who has left or threatened to leave is a really bad idea: it gives him far too much power over you, especially if he wasn't really planning to leave and/or hasn't got a secure berth with a new woman yet. If he knows you dread him leaving, he can do whatever he likes as long as he doesn't leave, and he will make your life hell.

The default option on the form will be two he'd have to in and change it to one

I booked some hotel rooms over the phone on Sunday.

1 for me, DH and 2DC
1 for my parents
1 for my DSIS

The email confirmation came through as

1 room, 4 adults
1 room, 2 adults
1 room, 2 adults

so I think they just have standard bookings. The hotel guy did it himself and knew exactly what i wanted.

That's not to say there isn't anything untoward gone on but there is an alternative explanation.

thanks all who have posted. Yes am trying to make it work for ds as the alternative option seems awful all round. Everyone has their limits so if he continues to push me, I guess it will come to a an end. Atleast I would know deep down that I did try and salvage it and make it work,,only I will now in my heart when I am well and truly done.

There was a huge difference when he left this time as I didn't feel upset for me, just angry, so I guess something in me is hardening/changing. Are all marriages this hard?

thanks all who have posted. Yes am trying to make it work for ds as the alternative option seems awful all round. Everyone has their limits so if he continues to push me, I guess it will come to a an end. Atleast I would know deep down that I did try and salvage it and make it work,,only I will now in my heart when I am well and truly done.

There was a huge difference when he left this time as I didn't feel upset for me, just angry, so I guess something in me is hardening/changing. Are all marriages this hard?

No, they are not. Have you read Reality's brilliant OP on this thread?

Truth is, you can try to make it work all you want, but if he doesn't share your goal, it will not work.

Well it doesn't seem much fun if there are rows and sulks or sexual incompatability or nitpicking or temper tantrums or a combination of all of those.
Stress that only erupts when he's in your company, endless goodwill and favours for others instead of you, PILs who judging by their negative attitude towards you must get an earful of how much I have to tolerate from my spouse, or any periodic unfounded outburst of vitriol - any of those would imply your not so DH has stopped caring.

The more often you catch yourself wondering what on earth did I see in my spouse when I was attracted to him/her? the less likely it is that your relationship is thriving or beneficial to you.

As far as DS is concerned, what does this teach him about mutual respect and affection between two adults in a relationship?

Lupo: all partnerships have their ups & downs, especially when you have children together, life is bloody hard juggling work, finances, kids, the home, - but you pull together, or you should so if you've got a half decent relationship. but he walked out on you because you 'nag' too much - what a hero - I can understand why you want to make this work ( for your child's sake ) so I wish you well, & hope he sorts himself out & supports you both - in a loving respectful way. :-)

Lupo, you said he is emotionally abusive.

You know this.

Emotional abuse doesn't just harm you, it harms your children too.

Crippling you all to take more and more and more.

It won't get better, only worse.

Good men don't abuse. There are more good men than bad ones.

By staying, by NOT making this behaviour a dealbreaker, it's allowing him) in his little head) to think it's ok.

He's NOT a good father. Good fathers don't do this.

If he's abusive, I guarantee that you will never, ever regret getting rid of him. In days you'd see how you and your children feel lighter for not worrying about what he's going to do/say.

He's insignificant, impotent and weak. That's why he emotionally kicks you.

You're focusing on the wrong issue. Who gives a shit about thé hotel, or who he was or wasn't with. What does that all matter.

Him leaving you would be a positive thing in your life, if he's abusive as you say, so deep breath and let go.