are you still friends with your NCT group or did it just fissle out?

[cleoowen]

Feeling little sad as after only 8 months (since my ds was born and he was the last one) our group seems,to have fissled out. It seems very early for it to have happened as I think most people atleast last a year. But I told myself not to bank on making best friends with these people and so aren't devastated or anything but I must admit I thought the meeting up might have gone on a bit longer.

I think the mistake we,made was never arranging one day a week where we all meet. It wasn't done at the beginning, then it was mentioned lots of times but never happened as people started groups or lives away and it became apparent that finding one day that we could all do was going to be tricky. I think no one wanted to step on anyones toes by suggesting a day knowing a certain person couldn't do it, atleast that's why I didn't organise it.

The one I got on best with, saw regularly and made an effort with me is moving to America for a year and I feel since finding out she no longer makes an effort. Was meant to see her today but she canceled and it just made,me think, that's probably it then. Shame.

Fizzled out after a year or so when most of us went back to work.

We are fizzling after 8 months but I have made some individual friendships - I wouldn't bet on any of them becoming long term ones, however as we have so little in common apart from the babies. A local friend of mine ended up in a group where all the others were corporate lawyers etc and she got to use their swimming pools - I was most disappointed mine wasn't like that . I actually think my DH has benefitted more than me -- it's relatively easy for mums to meet each other & not so easy for dads.

I moved away from our group's area when dc was just 8 weeks old. Four years on, 3 or 4 of the original 8 are still in touch at least weekly. I'm now an hour and a half away and only see them a few times a year. Still in touch via fb but I do think it's finally fizzling out, unfortunately.

I didn't have an NCT group (they were always full) but the HV ran a 3-session antenatal group when they were between 6 weeks and 3 months old. I think we were about a dozen. Our children are now rising 7. Inevitably, a number never wanted to stay in touch and the dynamics changed as we had siblings then they started school (we tend not to invite the children to each other's parties anymore, due to numbers, e.g.) but, both on FB and in RL, about 6 of us keep up. This is partly due to one very sociable person who makes the effort to organise and group text. My DD has actually ended up at school with the DS of an original member, who tipped me off about a place coming up at a school when we were in admissions hell, so I see her every day. There is a lot of online chat and the relaationship between us seems to be as each person wants it. I never had a "best friend" in the group as some did, nor that much in common with them, but I retain an affection for them, appreciate the time we spent together and am glad to keep up on FB, meet occasionally and wave madly when I drive past them.

It'll be 10 years since we met next month.

One member dropped out after our very first session.

One member moved abroad.

One member fizzled out.

But the rest of us still meet. When the DC were little, it used to be every week, but now it's just the school holidays and the mums have a meal out together every couple of months. One of them, I see every week still because our DC share hobbies and are good friends.

My aunt still sees her semi regularly and my cousins are in their mid thirties now, that's pretty good going.

It started to fizzle out around the 1 year mark when some went back to work. I don't think we had any group meet-ups after that but I would make an effort to see certain ones myself. By 2 yrs we were still vaguely all in touch, some had moved, saw them all at the 2nd birthdays but not much else. By 3 we were pretty dispersed bar the odd email. Now, at 3.5 I think it's all over. Only 1 of the group of 6 is still living in the area.

Loved it in the first year though. Loved feeling part of something, valued the company on lonely days.

Well just invited them around for tea and cakes next week as probably is my turn to have them round. We haven't managed a group meet up where everyone had come since the NCT classes.

I ll see what happens and maybe try and make Friday our meet up days. Thing is I go back to work in 6 Weeks and I make most of the effort so think it will completely fizzle out after that. I think I ll stick to the view if I come out with one or two friends it will be good.

Not much luck making friends from groups though but early days with one of them.

I was a bit pissed off with my NCT group as my baby was due a few weeks after the others and I think they should have given me the option to go to the next group. Luckily my baby was only a day late, however they were meeting up in their maternity leave when I was still at work so had to take days off to join in which wasn't always practical. Then they met up when they all had newborns and I was at the pregnant and uncomfortable stage so for that meet up I refused to go. I do think having a regular day is the key to it lasting. My NCT group always insisted on meeting at 2 they wouldn't do any other time. When my baby got into regular naps however I tried to adjust it he was always asleep then so I missed some. I am also the only SAHM out of the group they have all gone back to work so spent the last few months talking about childcare so I felt left out and now my child is over a year they are not around anyway. I have met up with someone from the group after ours and in contrast most of these are not going back to work and I have so much more in common with so hanging out with them more. My group try and organise weekend meet ups sometimes but to be honest weekend time is family time and we are always busy. The husbands are all majorly into football too which my husband hates. We got invited to our first birthday party with the new group so husband met the other Dad's and he was so much happier too as found so much more in common so think we will switch groups. I think my original group will fizzle out anyway.
My Mum still meets with a lot of her group 30 years on and I think all the babies were at my 21st party. However I was talking to my Mum about it and she said when she had me there wasn't all the fun things to do with your baby so less opportunities to meet others particularly when babies were very little so it was your NCT group or nothing. Husbands tended to help less as well so the Mum's needed each other as support. If you were really poorly it was unlikely your husband would take the day off to look after you and baby it would be one of your NCT group etc

I left. I like several of them, but others moved away. a few are on my fb. One girl accused another girl in the group of stealing something from her house. I couldn't believe it! They're all nice individually but I don't think the whole group meets up. Some individuals are close to others though. I'm sure being accused of theft would kill the groupbuzz.

Mine was a hospital antenatal group rather than NCT. We met up regularly to start with but it stopped before the babies turned one. I agree that we were just a random assortment of people who just happened to have babies at the same time.

Both times I missed the ante natal classes due to pregnancy health
Problems and 1st time group were all 10/12yr older than me (youngest there was 39 and I was 25) and they excluded me from all socials in post natal classes.
2nd time just fizzled out, most were ff and weren't my kind of people

I had an NCT postnatal group, we met at the 6-7 mths stage. By about 4 months there was a natural division between the three of us going back to work and the other three who were staying at home. I'm now best friends with one and have no contact with any of the others, and we met 16 years ago this summer. My BF is more like a sister to me than my own sister is, and also lives a lot closer!

It eventually fizzzled out after about 8 years.

Thank God.

I see 2 of them around and stop for a chat when I do.
I am good friends with another and we go out /have coffee/text regularly 27 years on!
Not sure about other 4 now-probably moved house.

Also when I had another baby in Special Care after premature birth ,they were marvellous especially helping to look after toddler who knew them from NCT meet-ups.

And the lessons beforehand were very good and helped me a lot

We met regularly for about a year, then infrequently until the babies were around 3, then very occasionally until about 7, and now never. Out of the 5 couples, 3 of us have moved, including two abroad, and one to another part of the country.

I am still vaguely in touch with a couple of people, one of fbook, the other with the odd text, occasional visit. I don't know, we didn't really have alot in common tbh. I did have a different group that I was friends with for many years but there has been a huge bust up within that group since then so the group is rather split. A shame but that's life I guess. I do agree that 8 mths is a bit soon though, I'd try to find another group if I were you. I would have found it very difficult to manage without buddies when my Dd was little.

It never really got started, no one could be bothered to make the effort. I tried a few times to get everyone together but I didn't really work. We just never clicked as a group. I gave up in the end and am not in contact with any now. I was sad as I have seen other people's groups become very close.

I joined a little group at my local community centre for women with PND after DS was born, so 15 years ago. (There was a creche so we could actually just talk about ourselves not the babies!)

I am still really close friends with two of them. They are amazing.

My group lasted a long time meeting once a week plus a few socials weekends away etc

It finally dwindled away after about 8 or so years but I think I might have dwindled more than the others as I really didnt feel I had much in common any more

NCT was great though just sitting waiting for a friend I met through their post baby workouts and we are great friends 17 years later

Ours lasted properly for 3 ish years. They have get togethers now but don't include me any more. I'm not bothered - I only got on with one of them anyway.

Invaluable in the early months but after that I met such a wide range of people that you realise there are actually people who you have other things in common with as well as baby stuff.

Citygal - what because they ff?

PoppyAmex: "I guess we were just a random collection of people with nothing in common, apart from giving birth around the same month."

This is so VERY VERY true.

If you meet someone at the local childrens centre. Have you got anything in common other than you have got a child at the same age?

Same with making friends, with other mum's, once your child starts school.
You may indeed make very good friends with someone/ a group/. It may last , 5 minutes/your whole life.

But my PN group. They are totally lovely. But would I be friends with them, if we met them in the pub/at a party. Possibly not.

It just goes to show that making friends with other MUMS is actually a very delicate issue.

I've looked up post natal groups with Nct and doesn't seem to be one in my area. Which groups did others find?

My PN group was run at the local Doctors surgery. Have never had any NCT experience.