PiL have a caravan. When they bought it they were overly enthusiastic about taking DD1 (5) and about us using it. I was heavily pregnant when they bought it and had said to DH that we would be looking at going the end of summer if at all this year. I did also mention that I would prefer if DD1 didn't go before we had at least been once and DH agreed.
PiL have been going on and on about going and taking DD1. DH said we wanted to go with her first at least and although that was acknowledged, they kept on. We don't yet drive (have my test booked in a few weeks though!) and for us to go before getting a car both MiL and FiL have to take their own cars to get us all there. For this reason alone I didn't want to go until we could go ourselves. DH had a few days booked off mid July. After already talking me round to go for a few days mid August, he mentioned about going for the weekend. I very reluctantly agreed. Two weeks before we were meant to be going MiL came up to help us with something. Whilst I was in the car she came back into the house (told me she had left the car keys inside) and started to turn on the waterworks to DH asking to take DD1 to the caravan that weekend. Her words to him were 'we never ask you for anything. Please please please.'. DH said 'we'll see' and left it at that. When I arrived back home he told me straight about it and I reiterated my stance on it. He agreed. MiL rang 2 days later and made no mention of the caravan. DH rang the following evening to sort out the logistics for the following weekend. FiL was under the impression that they were taking DD1 in a few days because MiL had told him DH had said yes. Queue much grumbling from FiL and a mini fallout. He demanded reasons why DD1 could not go with them and the reasons my DH gave were not good enough.
We did eventually end up going the weekend after to make FiL happy. I didn't enjoy it at all. DS is 5 months old and breast feeds very frequently, usually every hour but can be less, during the day from the moment he wakes until the moment he goes to sleep. He ended up going longer between feeds and I paid for it when we got home. DD2 (2) ended up totally out of sync and didn't sleep until 2.30am on the first night (we only got there at 10pm) and 11pm on the second night. She also ended up with a split lip because FiL let her run down a sloped driveway covered in stones without holding her hand. DD1 ended up being ill and FiL kept pointing out the other children running about to us and saying 'I thought DD1 would be like that'. We had to dose her with calpol as she had quite a high temperature. FiL seemed put out that we decided to not want to go back to the beach before we left for home as DD1 still was unwell, though we had gone the day before with the help of calpol. He also said to her that he wouldn't take her to see the chickens they have on the site if she didn't eat her tea. Which she didn't eat because she was feeling so unwell.
When we got back DH and I talked about the visit planned for august. I told him I didn't think we should go again until we had our own car. I also said that I'd like to go a few more times with DD1 before she goes without us. DH agreed with this but said to reconsider us going again in August. He rang PiL last week and MiL put FiL on. He talked about taking DD1 next weekend and he has pretty much ended up agreeing (without saying yes) because, as he said when he got off the phone, he cannot say no to his dad. I have two issues with this. One is that we agreed to wait until next year before she went without us, after we had been a few more times with her. Two is that them taking her would coincide with the fortnight DH has booked off work. He told me that DD1 wouldn't be going anywhere if those weeks so to make sure my parents have her stay over before then. He is now considering letting PiL just take DD1 to keep the peace. I have said no. The trouble is, as soon as he says no then FiL will go into a strop and demand reasons why. It will also mean that we will definitely be unable to go the week and a bit after.
I have kept my mouth shut with regards to any caravan talk as I didn't even want us to go this year. I am not keen to visit again with PiL, it's too cramped and is so far removed from being anything like a holiday. DH has still not rang PiL to tell them about not taking DD1, in fear of the impending kick off. I do not feel I can speak to FiL properly due to past history (I.e. telling DH to not marry me 6 weeks before the wedding). There have been problems with PiL since I fell unexpectedly pregnant with DD1. We told MiL when I was 14 weeks pregnant and she forebade DH to tell FiL until she thought it was the best time...which was when I was almost 8 months pregnant. She pretended she didn't know when DH told them both together and DH just went along with it. She does this a lot, keeping things from people/playing people off/turning on the waterworks when she has done wrong. I've told DH I am not willing to put up with it anymore.
What do we do? I don't think we should have to just do something to make them happy otherwise FiL will fall out with us. DH doesn't want the hassle of an argument, which is why we ended up going the caravan the other week. It's 3 hours drive away, we don't drive and can't get there easily if there was a problem for DD1, as well as the other reasons we have. I must stress, if it were my parents then the answer would be exactly the same! Am I being to harsh?
TIA