Long time lurker here, hoping for some clarity and not sure where to start.
Married for 3 years, together for 7, 2 dc 2 and 8 (from my prev relationship). Went to relate for over 6 months, things haven't changed. No extra maritals or anything dramatic, we just can't make each other happy.
Sometimes I look at other couples laughing and joking together just being natural around each other, poking fun etc and it makes me feel utterly heartbroken to know I'll never have that. DH is very straight laced and cynical, I find it difficult to be myself around him. He's very uncomfortable in himself and anti social, I am very outgoing, never find it hard to talk to new people. He won't talk in public, like he's in commuter mode permanently, scared someone might look at us.
Our weekends are always ruined by his moods, a simple 'are you ready to leave?' when we go anywhere causes an epic sulk and he says he's being picked on, behaves like Kevin the Teenager basically. Constantly moaning at the kids to be quiet (they aren't badly behaved, just normal happy, excitable children). He talks to me like I'm an irritating work colleague most of the time, conversation is a struggle. We have no mutual friends and he won't come out with my friends. He doesn't do anything around the house at all although I can't really complain about that too much because although I'm not quite Waynetta Slob, I'm no Martha Stewart either. He tells me I'm beautiful a lot but we have sex probably less than 10 times a year. He doesn't seem bothered at all. Its awkward and I've stopped seeing myself as someone that anyone might find attractive ever.
He resents that I can't earn as much as he does, hates that he's the 'breadwinner', hates his job, hates the responsibility and no matter how many times I explain that working daytimes would mean I'd earn less because of the childcare costs, he doesn't seem to get it, just thinks its unfair and brings it up time and time again. He hates that I love my job. But then he says that he loves and wants his family more than anything.
We've talked about things a lot but not much changes, we need to move but that won't happen for a year or two. I'm so confused.
This weekend, I was trying to talk to him, just chit chat, we were in town, he just walked off pushing the pram ahead while I was halfway through saying something. He does that a lot but for some reason, this time it just upset me so much.
Despite all of this, he's a good man, he loves the kids, he loves me in his own way. I feel like I'm living half a life.