Fhm, Nuts, images of half naked women....thoughts?

[Quiltcover]

Having read an article in the papers re some supermarkets putting plastic covers over near semi-porno magazines such as Fhm, Nuts etc and all the semi naked women found on the Daily Mail website, it reminded me how demoralising I feel when I find that dh has been looking at these types of images.

He doesn't buy the magazines etc, but I have found these websites on the Internet history. Not hardcore porn, just semi-naked women. I found it particularly upsetting in the months after I had given birth, when my focus was on recovery and breastfeeding and adapting to a new addition. Dh looking at such images is a real confidence knocker.

This was a while back now, but how would you all feel about your dh looking at these images. Is it normal?, insensitive? Selfish? Just what men do? It's not a deal breaker, but it certainly doesn't make me feel great knowing he's ogling young size 8 women in sexy underwear, topless and bikinis.

my dh has bought nutz and zoo since they started. with me often buying them for him often read them too for.me this isn't an issue as its just a magazine. I do feel if it's knocking your confidence and getting you down you should address it with him and tell him how it makes you feel. I also think many women find it difficult as they presume there dhs would prefer them to look like those glamour models or are comparing their figures which often isn't the case, these images tend to bring out most womens insecurities about themselves.

If it is an issue for you, absolutely mention it. As long, of course, as you never make reference to Hugh Jackman's fabulous body in Wolverine, or enjoying ogling the male strippers in Magic Mike!

My husband squirrels away my bravissimo catalogue when it arrives in the post! I don't mind this so much as they are fairly healthy looking girls with smiley faces and nice undies. If I found him looking at sexy looking pictures (you know the type - arse on display and finger in mouth trying to look sexy) I would probably have a problem with that.

If you have a problem with it then you need to talk to him, and he needs to listen and work with you.

I used to get quite jealous of DP looking at those images but after a lot of soul searching and going through personal issues I am now not really bothered. I like to look at semi or fully naked men and sometimes women. It's a normal thing to do. The key for me is the type of images he's looking at. Soft porn is fine, anything hardcore or where it looks as if the women is vulnerable is a total no go.
Thankfully he's not in to that anyway!

Quiltcover - I understand where you're coming from and it's fine for you to feel that. It doesn't make you insecure or needy at all. IMO it's a normal, healthy response to images that perpetuate the idea that a woman's worth is based on her appearance. Regardless of whether you believe that it is intentional, that is the effect.

I can understand it particularly when you'd just had a baby. It put your body and your life through one of the most significant events it can possibly go through. You were adjusting not only to that but also the fact that you were now responsible for a new, tiny and helpless being. You had to cope with feeding, recovering, worrying about work and childcare, the changes to your body - it dominated your life and you had a steep learning curve. Your DH was looking at half-naked women. Nice way to illustrate the point that his life was nowhere near as affected as yours. It's perfectly understandable that it would sow the seeds of doubt about whether he was committed to parenthood as you were, to the relationship as you were, etc. I'm not saying he wasn't BTW, just that it was natural for your thought processes to run this way - after all, why wasn't he reading up on different styles of parenting, the benefits of breast-feeding, when to change to a bed from a cot, etc. You wouldn't have been human if your thoughts hadn't run that way, even if it was subconscious rather than conscious.

Personally I don't like the lad mags. They're insidious. They glare at us from mainstream magazines, often just above the CBeebies ones because they're not considered porn despite featuring scantily-clad women in provocative poses on the covers. They normalise the so-called lad culture, where it's considered perfectly ok to rate every woman you come across in terms of her 1-10 rating of fuckability, they glorify a lifestyle in which non-stop partying is seen as fun, and where being called on your lack of responsibility is considered nagging. It promotes a brand of masculinity that is harmful not only to women but also to men. It's not that I object to its sexism as much as I object to the fact that it's as thick as shit and Jeremy Kyle-esque. They can also have some very good articles on men's health etc but they are buried in amongst the twaddle.

I feel much the same about many women's magazines BTW. They represent a lot of what is wrong with our superficial, celebrity-obsessed culture where people are judged on their wealth and appearance far more than they are judged on what they do and how they treat others.

Talk to your DH about this. There are a lot of intelligent articles on the internet about just this sort of thing. Use them as a platform for discussion.

I think it's important to realise that men looking at such images is not anything to do with you or your relationship. I can understand your feelings of insecurity but these are issues that you need to deal with so that you can feel confident in yourself - irrespective of other people's actions. I don't mean that to sound harsh - just that DH looking at naked ladies is because men like looking at naked ladies. It doesn't mean he doesn't fancy you, prefers them, wishes you had the "perfect" body they do etc etc - he just likes looking at boobs! Any boobs! Try not to let it knock your confidence, it is no reflection on you at all.

My husband watches porn and I have no problem with it all. It doesn't "mean" anything - he loves me, he fancies me, so what if he occasionally looks at another lady and thinks "she's nice". I happily look at hot men - doesn't mean I don't love my DH. We are 100% committed to each other so porn/naked pics doesn't bother me. Obviously if things strayed into all the time/addiction it's a bad thing. But occasional looking at ladies - don't let it bug you.

Of course tell DH how you feel but more so he knows your insecurities and can help you deal with them.

Saying that I do agree with a lot of what Dahlen said about lads mags etc. I don't have a problem with the porn my husband watches however if he came home with nuts etc I would be pissed off - because of the attitude of the magazine - not the fact that it has naked ladies in it. The female body is beautiful and it's a shame that those mags do portray women in such one dimensional ways. I worry for the young men who buy them, read them and take those ideas on board.

However OP your DH does not sound like he is in this category. He just sounds likes looking at semi naked ladies, which is entirely natural so try not to let it worry you. He knows its a fantasy (if he has any sense) and I'm sure would much rather have you - a lovely real life woman - than those piccies.

"lads" mags are for "lads" right ? Hormonal, over-sexed teenagers who haven't learned what a mature relationship is yet.

If my H regularly bought these embarassing publications I would think he had undergone a frontal lobectomy in his lunchtime

do these blokes ever grow up ?

If my 16 year old nephew was buying this misogynist trash I would be disappointed in him, for a supposedly mature adult man to buy them is beyond pathetic.

Have you ever told your DH how you feel? Nudity is fairly ubiquitous, many people see it as harmless titillation and, if you've never said 'I'd rather you didn't, there's probably an assumption that you're OK with it. If you have said 'I'd rather you didn't' and he carried on regardless then, yes he'd be extremely insensitive and disrespectful of your feelings.

He doesn't buy the magazines, has just cruised the website etc. I'm not naturally an insecure person and generally have a confident body image. Is my reaction displaying insecurity or the fact that a 36 year old married father thinks its appropriate to be ogling the young women on these sites/mags.

It's one thing finding the opposite sex attractive, but to purposefully search for images, is that appropriate within a committed relationship. I honestly d

Don't know.

buying mags and "cruising websites" supports the industry that objectifies women to nothing more than pairs of tits and holes to fill

How would the menfolk feel if us ladies bought a magazine with cover to cover semi naked men and a few random articles I wonder?

My dh buys men's health it's got some scantily clad women usually in stockings in it but I don't care. However I've not just had a baby and don't feel the way you do at present, with that in mind I think it would bring out insecurities in a lot of women.

So glad these must now be covered up. I don't know if my OH watches porn, if he does then he does it in secret, if he was doing it in full view of my eyes I'd have something to say about it, not because I would feel inadequate, I would find it pretty disrespectful. Imagine if us women were oggling men in front of them, they wouldn't like it either.

Your reaction is your reaction and a caring partner would respect it. Have you said anything?

"How would the menfolk feel if us ladies bought a magazine with cover to cover semi naked men and a few random articles I wonder?"

IME .... 'way-hayyy she's feeling horny and I'm on a promise...!'

Cogito note to self never buy men's mags!

He's known how I've felt about it in the past. I think it's disrespectful to ogle women

Online who are half your age. He therefore has been doing it without my knowledge and I have found it.

I just think its insensitive and childish.

I of course find some men attractive, but wouldn't search for them online. It seems a bit sad.

"He's known how I've felt about it in the past. I think it's disrespectful to ogle women"

If you've said it before and he's ignoring you, showing you disrespect and so on then take him to task for that behaviour. It's more difficult to defend contempt than to defend looking at a few nudie shots...

Well everyone is different I suppose, but I'm always a bit at anyone - male or female - who makes a deliberate effort to search for attractive members of the opposite sex online or in magazines. Appreciating a poster on a billboard, an ad on TV or a passerby in the street is one thing. Anything else makes you seem like you never left the teenage years of being led by your genitals. But that's just an opinion.

I don't care about these things really. We have a decent relationship and a healthy sex life so it doesn't impact on me. I definitely do not look like any if these women.

What does irk me is when I find he has looked at stuff online but he then pretends he didn't?!

"lads" mags are for "lads" right ? Hormonal, over-sexed teenagers who haven't learned what a mature relationship is yet.

This.^^

Not all men look at half naked girls/women
Not all men think women are cum buckets
Not all men would ignore the concerns of their wife who is feeling vulnerable, in fact many would be horrified they had made them feel that way.

Making you feel like you aren?t good enough should be a deal breaker.