Elusive orgasm...

[Norgasm]

Been married several years, together even longer, two smallish DC. In general, v happily married. I have always had a real problem getting to orgasm though, which (along with all the usual reasons - tiredness, small DC, not making the time etc) means that we hardly ever have sex. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever managed a proper orgasm . DH is extremely kind and patient, but he would love to have sex more often, and in theory so would I.

Every single time we have sex, it feels nice up to a certain point, and then it just feels like it's too much, and I lose the momentum, and don't seem to be able to go all the way. It's almost like being intensely tickled - it's pleasant up to a certain extent, but then you just want it to stop. I don't know how other people manage to orgasm - it is apparently such a normal thing but I feel like a complete failure / freak that it's so elusive for me.

Does anyone have any idea what I mean? What on earth can I (we?) do about it? This is by far the single biggest issue in our relationship (although not a dealbreaker). By the way, have name-changed for obvious reasons but am sadly absolutely not a troll...

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If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

[MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill]

Oh yes Team!

[themidwife]

That's interesting Team! What did she do different nosy but can't help it!

[peteypiranha]

Go for oral. I have never had oral without in my orgasm in my life, even as early as age 14. It also makes it way easier to orgasm a second time when having sex if you have one through oral first.

[ClartyCarol]

Everyone happily chatting away about their orgasms and the OP is sitting back and enjoying it if you ask me.

[LoisPuddingLane]

You don't mean OP is a...one handed poster?

[ClartyCarol]

I think so Lois although Coconutty is obviously a bit less cynical more charitable than me.

[eccentrica]

I have also been starting to suspect that... still, it's an interesting discussion regardless

[LoisPuddingLane]

If we suddenly see

'eorju'pou'pj'pj'pojpoj.ll l yesssssssssssssssssssss!

We'll know.

Pass me a wet wipe.

[themidwife]

Dear OP - if you are a bloke - have one on us love! not literally!! Hopefully your "research" will help you be a better lover if you ever meet a real life woman!

[Norgasm]

Hello. I am sadly entirely for real. I have been posting here since pregnant with my now-school-aged elder DC. I didn't bother posting the secret passwords in the OP because I thought I didn't need to, but here they are: tiktok is the resident BF expert. Phr47bridge is a resident admissions expert. Pombears came about because someone's DH offered some Pombears to some bonkers neighbours when they came round for dinner. Woolly Hugs do great things for bereaved mumsnetters and their families. The Christmas appeal started off as a grassroots thing but then went a bit mad and MNHQ took it over. SWMNBN is about this. I have never read the Cubes of Poo thread but I know it's another secret password. Don't post about parent-toddler spaces, disabled loos, WOHM vs SAHM, BF or FF unless you want trouble.

Please can someone report me if they think I'm a troll. It's a bit annoying to have accusations but no one bothering to actually report. Actually, as this is the first time I have been accused on being a troll, I feel like I have finally arrived since this is the first time in my otherwise unremarkable mumsnet career!

I know it's really poor etiquette to start a thread and then disappear for days, but it has been pretty difficult to find a moment to read it properly, what with having been at work (hardly the kind of thread you want someone seeing on your work computer!), busy in the evenings, children everywhere (one of whom can read!) etc. Sorry.

To everyone who is posting advice and experiences - thank you so much. It really is very useful / interesting / helpful. I am far far too embarrassed to ask anyone in RL so it really is invaluable.

TeamSouthfields - pretty drastic solution in my heterosexual position, but glad it worked for you!

bellablot - I have tried to analyse why I seem to have this problem - there is nothing really obvious in my past, but I think ToTheTeeth might have it - general underlying feelings of "nice girls don't", liking being in control in other aspects of my life etc. It's surprisingly difficult to just get over myself and get on with it.

Thanks again for all the replies - each of them has given me really useful food for thought (apart from the troll hunting ones...).

[themidwife]

Hey no one accused you of being a troll - it was more of a lighthearted banter in your absence!

[eccentrica]

Norgasm Don't be upset! This sort of thread, with a disappearing OP, is bound to provoke a bit of suspicion. It's not really troll hunting, just people expressing some understandable doubt. Thanks for coming back.

I for one am really glad that you're for real, though not glad that you are having difficulties. I'm one of the posters who wrote about my own similar experiences above and I hope you get a chance to try out some of my and everyone else's suggestions soon.

In my case, I think a lot of it was about not wanting to let a bloke be 'superior' to me - sounds weird, but I think in a sense I felt superior as they would be the one 'losing control' and I would still feel as if I was in charge of the situation, and of myself.

Once I realised that actually they were the ones getting the ultimate pleasure, and that I wasn't really 'winning' by staying in control, I think that helped too.

[Missbopeep]

what on earth are secret passwords
can you enlighten me?

or have I stumbled into MI5 by mistake.

[RaRaZ]

Same here, Missbopeep, I'm mystified!

[themidwife]

Me neither! What secret passwords?

[LoisPuddingLane]

Poor Norgasm doesn't know if she's coming or going.

Team Southfields - I used to live in Southfields!

[ClartyCarol]

Sorry Norgasm.

[ParvatiTheWitch]

Norgasam: The Ultimate O from Ann Summers. It'll will be the best £40 I you ever spent. I don't find it easy to come, but by jove, this was quick and powerful. Have a look at my AIBU thread about being irrtitated about DS using the last batteries I was saving for my rabbit (which is now gathering cobwebs again). Hope this helps. It was designed (The Ultimate O) by a woman who had never had an orgasm and in consultation with Gynacologists, so they got it just right. The woman who designed it is always "blowing her beans" now.

[Nirvana79]

Blowing her beans?!

Yuck yuck yuck!



Are you on commission?

[ParvatiTheWitch]

I promise I am not on commission. Sorry for being too graphic.

[Nirvana79]

No worries, I just hate that phrase blowing your beans.

[Wuldric]

During penetrative sex, it's all a question of positioning. It's virtually impossible for a woman to have an orgasm in plain vanilla sex in the missionary position - the angles just aren't right. Go on top - that makes a huge difference.

[RaRaZ]

I think it depends very much on YOU - I find missionary quite easy orgasm-wise, but doggy does nothing for me at all.

[LittlePebble]

Norgasm can I agree with what someone posted up thread about the pill. I could have written your post a few years ago, but in the last five years I've had a break through!

First I think I hit my thirties and my body changed a bit. Then I met DH who I relaxed a bit more with, I gave up worrying about orgasms and just enjoyed the sex and then I fell pregnant (planned). During pregnancy I could orgasm from intercourse (unheard of before) this went away after baby was born and I was back on the pill. I'm now off the pill TTC #2 and I've realised I've had a huge change in libido and sensitivity since coming off the pill. I've read up on it now and it's apparently a common side effect!

We will be looking at other contraception methods next time I can assure you