P and i have 2 beautiful children, 24 months and 6 months and its bloody hard work. DS doesn't sleep and P wont do the nights so im knackered 24/7 and back at work 2 days a week.
P doesn't seem to understand just how hard life is for me at the mo, surviving on 4 hours sleep a night and entertaining a teething, nearly crawling 6 month old and a very energetic 2 year old on my own- im on my knees by 6pm knowing im going to have a crap nights sleep and be up at 5am. He thinks its ridiculous when im crying at 3 in the morning from sheer frustration.
P and i argue constantly, about how to deal with the kids (DD is having trouble self settling at bedtime due to climbing out of the cot and being in a bed so someone has to sit with her until she falls asleep) and housework and just about anything really, i am no angel - i give as good as i get but i dont use the language he does and i dont do it in front of the kids although im sure they can hear. Last night he called me a prick in front of the kids and told me he hates me. Then 2 minutes later hes fine again and bringing me some strawberries.
I have been ready to leave before, i honestly dont love him and im with him because i want my kids to have 2 parents but thats just not reasonable is it. We might have 1 day a week where we are ok, well civil anyway and the rest of the time we either dont speak or argue.
We currently live in a 2 bed bungalow with DS in his own room, me on the sofa, P and DD in a double bed in her room - crazy!!!! I dont agree with the sleeping arrangements but im too worn out to argue. We had the chance to move next door into a 3 bed house (we rent) but he wouldnt move because there was nowhere outside for him to smoke weed, he never said that but i know thats the truth - we have a huge garage here. He is restricting our lives isnt he. He is being made redundant in 10 weeks and he hasnt looked for a job. He will get a big payout but the way he is with money it will be gone in a month.
I have been on rightmove this morning and seen a house in our area for an unbelievable price. I earn a measly wage and cant afford to move on my own but have managed to squirrel away enough for a deposit and am sure my mom would be a guarantor if i asked her. The problem is im just so scared of dealing with the kids on my own - bedtime is sheer hell and i dont know how i would do it - i would have to leave one child alone, crying whilst i put the other to bed. I dont do crying at bedtime.
Im sure i could put up with his crap and he definitely wont leave me, he says if anyones going its me not him so if i want to split the family up thats on my head but should i? Hearing your mom and dad argue is horrible and mine didnt do it much but i never heard my dad call my mom a fucking c*nt 
Its just such a huge thing and i dont want to ruin stuff. P will be very difficult if we split, im not looking forwards to his backlash.Sorry this is long.