DB is an idiot, help me deal with him...

[delilahbelle]

I am fed up with my brother. He's in his late 20s, although currently staying with our parents as he's on a brief stop over from traveling. He is also negative, and rude, and grumpy.
Today's example - I loaned him my car yesterday morning. I had hoped to go to the supermarket in the evening but he didn't bring it back - I had told him previously that I didn't want him to keep it overnight as I like it safely on my drive. (OK, it's only a car, but it's precious to me)

When he did return it this morning he started telling me how rubbish it it, what needs to be fixed, how it's due a service etc etc. I've been running a car for over 10 years. I did politely try to point this out, and also to say I'd never seen the problems he had noticed, at which point he really started talking down to me. Putting on a fake voice pretending to be me, calling me an old woman.

Mumsnet would be proud, I didn't argue, just told him I didn't appreciate him being rude, I would like him to leave, and he could leave the car keys as well as he didn't like it.

He gave me a load of insults and walked off. ARRRGGGGGH.

So, what next? Normally I would do the good (female) thing of smoothing everything over, apologising for my car being rubbish, and giving him the keys again to use it. I really don't feel like it though.

Not 'let him stew'.... 'make him grow up, take some responsibility for getting himself from A to B and be a bit more bloody grateful when others help him out'. :)

In his head he probably thinks 'If I had a car it would be a BMW not this crap' but of course - he doesn't have a car, a house or a proper job, so it's all fantasy...

Travelling is quite a good way of avoiding reality.

He's such a brat. Mt db is the golden boy for mum and dad. He can do no wrong. He's 40 this year and still lives at home

Yes, you did read that right. He was a brat as a child. Never happy with the Xmas presents he got, which were obviously more value than mine. I could always see the difference in the way were treated.

Although, he wouldn't have the cheek to criticize my car, house or life style. That's pretty immature of your db.

I think you need to not lend him your car. If he's not happy with it, he can go fuck off and buy his own, and see how far he gets.

Have a nice day.

One thing is a concern: you keep saying that it is not possible for him to use the car because (insert reason) however, you should be able to say to him "I will not be lending you my car/using my house/giving you money - even if it is convenient - because I don't want to".

I am sorry delilahbelle but your parents are just reaping what they sowed with their golden boy manchild. They created this monster and they are all actually as bad as one another. Your role now is to stop further enabling him by kindly lending him your car to use. Takers take and take some more, they feel totally entitled to do this and see nothing wrong in doing so. He has no respect for you (or his parents for that matter) and just sees you as a complete mug.

LD - my BIL still lives at home and he's about 10 or so years older!. His parents made (and still make) the same sort of mistakes by enabling him to the hilt and excusing his general crapness.

Yup, I can see why he's an idiot.

Why don't you do him a massive favour, seeing as you're his sis and presumably care about him... Tell him you're really angry that he thinks it's ok to speak to you like that. You're even more angry that you do him a favour, with a small condition, and not only can be not be arsed to act like a normal grateful adult and get your car back to you overnight, he complains about it. Tell him that the one word that's sprung to mind during this incident is BRAT. Brat brat brat.

Brats approaching 30 aren't a particularly attractive prospect for employers, long-term partners, or the kind of people you want to keep as friends. Do him a favour and tell him. And if he asks for the car back tell him to swivel :)

Tell him you can't possibly lend him the car now that you know there are so many things wrong with it..... You would feel terrible loaning someone a defective vehicle