"Dh" visited strip club....

[Heidsbattered]

Last week (Thu) Dh went out with some mates after his footie, they decided to go out afterwards.

Dh best mates wife, is also my closest mate.

Anyway, Dh and his mate decided to continue drinking, and as bars closed at 11pm they decided to go to the local strip club.

Me and wife texting each other in the early am if either one is gone yet, they get in at 4am.

Dh goes out with £60 in his pocket, Dh friend £160

Dh takes another £50 out.

Men come in at 4 am.

Friend checks CC statement as she sees its not there £577, in out standing payments.

Dh next day has sore knob, so I go out and buy canasteen for him (he sometimes gets thrush, die to work attire, so thought nothing of it.

We had sex early sun morning.

Family event Sunday day/evening, I found out after numerous random comments about the strip club.

Apparently Dh can't remember entering or leaving, can't explain the £800 spent, I've asked him to ask his friend, he says he'd rather forget about it.

2 days arguing and he's sleeping in child's bedroom, I haven't slept for 48 hrs.

I'm emotional, and tired.

If he can't remember being in a strip club then how the fruit does he know if he's had unprotected sexual contact, I've google the club, reviews leave little to the naked imagination!!!

I don't want to hear he's a shit husband, dad etc... It's not what I'm needing to hear, or leave the bastard too....

I'm not being "mental" for wanting to get some answers!!! Am I

One other thing - if he was innocent he would have said so, surely.

OP. You are not mental. If it were me I would need to know the truth before any possibility if moving on or forgetting about it. That is not unreasonable, and he needs to understand that.

I would bet he had a sore knob for the hand/blow jobs he paid for.
I would agree that he moves out until he "remembers".

If it were me I would need to know the truth before any possibility if moving on or forgetting about it

The OP already knows the truth, unless she is very naive, which she clearly is not. How does knowing the precise choreography help her going forward?

It puts her mind to rest (otherwise she is making herself crazy by imagining all sorts) and clarifies whether her husband is honest with her and wants to salvage this relationship or not.

I can't offer you any advice that you want to hear. In your heart of hearts you know exactly what has happened, and what your DH's response to being called on it mean for your relationship. You know what you have to do. But I would like to offer my sympathy. This is such an awful position to be in. I wish you strength to get through it.

If he doesn't remember anything about the night, he cannot be sure he didn't cheat on you. If he knows he didn't cheat, then he remembers enough of the night to be sure & is choosing not to tell.

He can't have it both ways.

As regards the strip club, depending on the management policy - some girls may offer extras in the club (it sounds like this club is quite slack) and some may offer it outside (I don't mean in the carpark I mean elsewhere!)

Even in the strictest clubs, management are not concerned if the sex workers want to go with clients off after their shift.

Personally I think a sore knob indicates full sex, tho' not necessarily an STI. Most likely to be from going hammer & tongs with a woman who is quite dry, and/or is shaven.

It's possible that he could get sore from a very close naked lap dance
where the woman's shaved pussy irritates him. But it would have to be very close...

Definitely get tested & demand he does & no sex til you both know you're clear.

Strippers in clubs 99.9% of the time are Escorts prostitutes

It's a great way to meet potential clients sleazebags

Married/taken men never have a good reason to go to a stripclub.

Not even on a stag do in my opinion

I'd be throwing him out. But that's just me, I wouldn't stand for it. Ever.

He and his friends sound incredibly immature and I think you need to look at that and whether you can stand to live like that.

When you said your marriage was in crisis and he ran off to another mate's house with the other guilty party, that was unforgivable. I would have locked the door then and not let him back in.

As someone upthread says, tell him to go until his memory returns.

It'd be very convenient to him for it all just to be forgotten. That way he doesn't have to deal with the consequences- the destruction to the trust in your marriage, the threat to your health, the hole in the family finances, the lies, the deception, the sneaking off to his mate when told that his marriage is on the line...

You don't want to hear LTB. But honestly, what can anyone say that is going to make things any better? Of course you want answers, of course you are entirely justified in wanting to know the truth- but he isn't going to tell you the truth, he just wants to tell you to move on so he doesn't have to face up to what he's done.

You don't have to ask him to leave permanently. You would be perfectly justified in asking him to move out while you consider your options, given the massive breach of trust. You should also go to a sexual health clinic and get yourself checked out - this careful, considerate man could have passed on all sorts of STIs to you.

OP, you absolutely cannot let this drop until he 'remembers'. He is massively downplaying this. On one hand having a giggle with his mates and the other having no memory.

Now I have got bladdered a million times in my life, woken up with amnesia. As the day wore on I have remembered snippets until I got mostly the full picture. So he's bullshitting there for starters. Even if it was true, considering the vast amount of money spent on a night out wouldn't he question what the hell happened? Even for his own peace of mind, if not to reassure you.

I would suggest what others have said and booting him out until he remebers.especially, and I'd tell him this, that he visited a club that you know offers sexual services.

Btw, I'd love to know why posters always suggest telling the men to get a sti check. Surely this is only useful if you are planning to stay with a man who has defintely cheated?? I'd get myself checked yes. I would not be planning on any sex with my dp again tho if I thought he had been unfaithful. All a clear test would tell you is that he hasn't caught anything, the woman didn't have an infection or he wore a condom!

Of course he just wants to forget about it.

Tell him this is NOT an option.

They spent a lot of money in a strip club and he has a sore knob. Tell him either of these things give you a right to be suspicious, both together combined with him lying about it, then walking out of the house when you told him to choose is very much putting your marriage on the line.

Tell him to grow the fuck up, get tested tomorrow, or don't bother coming home. Then tell him he wont be getting any (or only with condoms - -your choice) until the next text results in 6 months (or whatever it is now).

He has done something - how far it went, only he knows.

Frankly, the lying would have had him out on his ear if he was my partner.

He's honestly 'not telling you' whether he's going to give his friend hundreds of pounds towards their sordid little night out?

His sore dick could have been from lots of dances where the dancers were grinding into his crotch, but you absolutely must insist on condoms until you know he isn't infected with anything, and I'd watch him get his sti tests too, don't just take his word for it. He sounds a very untrustworthy person.

How are you doing OP?

Why don't You have a night out with the girls and withdraw a big enough sum for him to go ballistic and have a ball? Say you remembered buying the girls a drink but don't recall how you spent the £500+ or whatever.

And they claim amnesia. Lol.

Never mind condoms, just no sex full stop till he's got a clear STI test and you know what you're dealing with. If nothing else, tell him he won't be able to 'just forget about it' till he comes home with test results.

Plus, he clearly does remember and is hoping he can wear you down into stopping asking. So how you play that it up to you, but it will probably have to involve continuing to ask until he cracks and tells you and/or telling him to go until he's ready to tell you the whole story.

Twinklestein.....

Your dry / shaven comments made me laugh so much I was crying!

You DID mean it as comedy didn't you?