Found on DP tablet...

[Kione]

A series of flirting conversations with old friends, one or two with whome he's had sex. I have been with him 7 years had DD in 2009, these chats are from 2010,11 Dec. 2013...
and one dodgy conversation about his phone being left under the sofa at one of his colleages (female) house. It might be the night they had the xmas party when he told me he stayed at the hotel where the party was. But I am not sure. Even if it wasnt the night of the party, he has never mentioned going to her house.
If you remember me, we havent been getting on that great, and we went through a stage where I didnt feel like having sex with him...
So I am so confused. Should I confront him? how'??
I only opened his tablet cos our computer is being repaired, fb wad open with these chats. I am sure many more could have been deleted...
I dont know how to feel right now

Ah, going by your last post I wouldn't even question it anymore. He did stay at hers then, possibly with others.

It's just a case of why he is lying to you really, which you may not get to the bottom of

the kisses are making it seem bad considering the context but if it's something he does anyway then you can't really tell just from that.

So, assuming he stayed at hers, why when he had a hotel room?

no, when I saw this conversation I saw others and it is true that he does kisses to female friends that he has know for yeqrs even if they are married and they are talking about kids or work or whatever

Jan what do you mean, if he stayed at hers it was to have sex if course but he denies that he stayed at hers!

he may not have actually had a hotel room in the first place.

he may have even just gone back there to carry on the party but the complete denial makes it look like something more serious.

How are you feeling op

Sorry if this is starting to get a bit witch hunty for you. It must be horrible to be in the dark about what happened and I hope this thread is helping, even if it's a bit painful in places

Not necessarily, perhaps a crowd of them were invited back to hers?

^ you'd think he'd fess up about it though, as it's bad form but not relationship destroying by itself, unless he'd lied habitually up until that point.

He might have just decided he couldn't turn back on the fib now though as it was too late. Some people seem to lie even when they've been found out (a la Jeremy Kyle) so it's hard to say, especially as we don't know him.

The other thing you need to take into account is that he has been having inappropriate conversations with other women for quite a long time so his boundaries are already pretty crap.

I wonder if this behaviour has caused him to pull back from his relationship with you, creating distance and this along with his selfishness has led to some of the issues you described in previous threads?

he has been having inappropriate conversations with other women for quite a long time so his boundaries are already pretty crap

This is a large chunk of context!

It is her reply rather than his message which confuses me. She doesn't say "yes! I picked it up" etc. It reads like they both knew it was there somewhere. Polygraph test?

Orchard - yes its in the OP and that his behaviour goes back as far as 2009 which would have taken a lot energy AWAY from the marriage, no wonder things haven't be good for a very long time

*been

I did see that when I did a quick search to see if there was any back story that would help understand what might've happened

Makes it seem a little more likely that there's something fishy going on here...

Kione, you had another thread about a promiscuous friend - is this the woman who had the phone?

sorry doing nursery run now, and he is home so will repky again when have a chance.
But no, this is not the promiscuous friend.

alpha, exactly

Agree with aplha - that's it in a nutshell.

May I ask - OP - you say you previously suggested to your husband that he would get sex somewhere else - and did he? At what point did this looking elsewhere stop? Did you discuss it & agree that that was over?

I agree that the OW's reply to the question of whether she had seen yr h's mobile is odd. The answer should have been 'Yes I picked it up at the hotel, would you like to fetch it?'

theorchard, that is what my RL friend said, she doesnt think he'll confess after dening so much.
That is why I feel stuck. I just think I feel they are lyibg but I havent enough.proof

Oh dear me....

He has really done a number on you hasn't he?

Twinkle he always laugh (nicely) at me for suggesting that and said he'd never do it. So if on those days he did sone flirting I am fine.
When this other thing happened I was making huge progresd and we where having sex.

You don't need proof for any reason other than to give you some closure.

It's down to what you believe to be true/not true, and based on what you've told us I think you have enough suggestive proof, even if it's not concrete.

What you do with it is up to you. We're here whatever you decide or however long you take to figure out what you want to come from all this

Ah I see, I'm with you now.

It's a hard one as you don't really have concrete proof yet...

No amount of proof will be enough, because what you are looking for is proof of his innocence and what you have is proof of his guilt.

They are making a fool of you and you deserve better than that. Walk out with our head held high and if he's innocent he will move heaven and earth to prove it.

But you know in your heart that he won't do that, don't you? Because you know that he is as guilty as fuck.

And if you don't walk now he will have even less respect for you now than he did when he shagged her.