Close friend not coming to my wedding

[TapDancingPimp]

That's it really, I'm pretty devastated, gutted, generally feeling awful about it.

I don't have a big circle of friends (pretty small actually) and her not attending has really hurt

She broke the news to me last night - apparently she booked a holiday and 'forgot' the date of my wedding (she regularly uses a diary for work etc and on top of that I posted her a 'save the date' card.) There wasn't really any more discussion about it. I sat there shocked, embarrassed while she explained it had all been paid for and that's that.

I dunno why I'm posting in here really. Sympathy I hope I just don't know how to handle it. She says she still wants to come to the hen and will 'still get me a present' (like that's what really matters to me! ).

I consider her a really close friend but the feeling obviously isn't mutual.

Sounds like her own wedding was a huge affair (can't believe how many people have UK hen parties and overseas hen parties!) and I would be willing to bet you went along with it all, because she is your friend, and that's what friends do IMO. Therefore I can appreciate how sad you are that she seems to have dismissed your wedding with what appears to be ease. Please don't stress that your wedding is small compared to hers - who cares? It's your day, and yours only! Personally speaking I find smaller informal weddings much much more fun and relaxing than formal affairs with hundreds of guests - my personal view is what a waste of money! It does hurt when people don't come, my own sister sent me a text 6 days before my wedding saying she had "too much on" and I've never forgotten it. But, we had a fantastic day, as I'm sure you will, don't dwell on people who don't come!

Thank you Springytato that's a lovely post, and sound advice.

Thanks to everyone else as well . Genuinely feeling a lot better now.

Op, this will make you feel better...

I am having a smallish wedding this weekend. I invited 6 good female friends and their families. Do you know how many are coming? Well out of 6 only 1. I even had a cancellation this morning.

Now officially old and cynical...

I'm not sure the responses you get here will help you too much OP - for some reason Mumsnetters are almost universally sour about attending weddings.

I sympathise with you, though - I also married (relatively) late amongst my groups of friends, and I had a lot drop out citing family issues, different priorities etc. After years of making sure everything was compliant with their (new, child-inclusive) priorities, it just felt like a kick in the teeth - and tbh, now I have children of my own, I still think it's bloody rude. Who on earth doesn't attend a wedding of a close friend because of a bloody holiday, with kids or otherwise?

But I've come to understand that most people are quite self-centered and you just need to accept them on their own terms. If you still like her and value her friendship then keep it - just adjust your expectations accordingly.

Well said tulips!

I think that is a real shame and a reflection of her priorities. It is understandable if that's the only time she can go on holiday, but she should be upset about it - especially since she made such a fuss about her own wedding. She knows the wedding is important, but she doesn't care enough about you. She is not a good friend.

What angeltulips said.

I know how you feel, OP.

I have a friend who I've had since we were 4 - I arranged my wedding date around when she was available, because it wouldn't have felt right to have got married without her being there. If she then hadn't turned up, or had arranged something else that day, I would have been a) mortified, b) brokenhearted and c) furious.

As it was, she was there, and we all had a brilliant day. It just would NOT have been the same without her.

As to whether or not you're over-reacting - I think that depends on whether she has form for this sort of thing; if you're more panicked about your whole wedding going well than her absence and how much her not being there will actually affect your day.

I'd still let her know that you're disappointed she forgot your wedding - but if it makes you feel any better, a bride friend of mine screwed up the date of her own hen weekend, as it clashed with another friend's wedding - I ended up in Dublin by myself as a result! So memory lapses are feasible.

" apparently she booked a holiday and 'forgot' the date of my wedding"

Do you actually have any reason to disbelieve her? I may be wrong but it sounds as though you and other posters are assuming that isn't true.

Even if it were true, it's shitty, isn't it? Forgetting the date of a close friend's wedding ffs??

But that's par for the course these days it seems

this is probably the generation who were invited to my kids' 18th/21st birthday parties - and didn't turn up when something 'better' came up. (not just my kids btw - all the kids of that generation gave up hosting parties because of flakey attendance. Rejection, or what?!)

I could tell you a story from the other side. I had have a friend who is american. She came to my wedding - lovely of her to make the effort. She got married very late in life and I was party to the 'we're getting married!' thing - and all that went before. Date was set - and after about a month I called her to say my invitation must have been lost in the post....