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Relationships

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Original poster

Is this weird behaviour regarding FB relationship status?

27 replies

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 14/07/2013 10:48

I have been going out with this man for a couple of months. This morning I decided to put our relationship on FB. Looking back I should have mentioned it to him first but things have been going so well that I thought he would be pleased. I have had loads of comments from mutual friends saying how pleased they are for us. About an hour ago, he text saying could I take it off as he wants to tell his parents first this afternoon

WTF, the man is 33 fgs, does he need their permission or something? I know for a fact that he is not married/involved with anyone as I knew him for a year before getting with him and we have a lot of mutual friends.

I have text him to ask what the problem is and rung twice getting no response. I feel a bit hurt to be honest.

Am I right to feel hurt? What would you make of this?

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/07/2013 10:52

So he did not bother to talk to you on the phone, he sent a text instead. You've phoned him back and received no response.

I can sort of see his point re FB only because you did not mention it to him first.

He may well not be the man you think he actually is. It may actually be that his parents (he is still seeking their approval even now) may well be difficult to please and are thus more important to him than you.

Original poster

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 14/07/2013 10:55

He does seem very close to his parents which I don't have a problem with. The trouble is, there is close and then there is too close. Perhaps this should be a warning sign. I'm a little worried now. I'm his first girlfriend as in the first person he has ever kissed. Definitely feeling a little concerned now.

OP posts:

badguider · 14/07/2013 10:55

I don't know... loads of people do have family who would get shirty at 'not being told first' - you see this on mn all the time with people being OUTRAGED that they discovered some peice of information about a son, daughter, ex, cousin... on fb rather than being told face to face.

Have you already had things on fb together - like joint check-ins or photos? if this is the first mention of you on his fb then I would have checked first... there might be a touchy ex situation.

mynameisslimshady · 14/07/2013 10:57

I would say he probably doesn't want his love life broadcast all over the internet for all and sundry to see.

Do people over the age of 16 really declare their relationship status on fb?

GetStuffezd · 14/07/2013 10:57

He's 33 and you're the first person he's ever kissed? It does sound unusual to be honest. Have you met his parents?

JulietteMontague · 14/07/2013 11:10

I'm not sure if it's changed but I understood he had to 'accept' being in a relationship with you for his relationship status to change. Otherwise it just says 'Make is in a relationship' and doesn't affect his at all. Otoh if it was on your timeline, why would his parents even see it?

Arcticspill · 14/07/2013 11:17

I think the thing that is weird is an adult posting their relationship status on fb. He's probably feeling freaked out.

Original poster

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 14/07/2013 11:24

i thought that too Juliette so i checked and in fact nothing has changed on his page. They would have to look on my page or, i assume, have access to his timeline. Both of which are very unlikely. Nothing would pop up on their feed as you said until he accepts.

OP posts:

onehappymummy · 14/07/2013 11:35

I don't think its unusual for an adult to announce their relationship status on fb. I did when my partner moved in, I got engaged and then got married. Although my sister got in quite the sulk over it that she didn't know about him prior to him moving in and my fb status changing (I didn't bother changing it from single before that point). I don't see what it had to do with her tbh - its my life and I don't expect her to clear her life with me, so idk why she expected me to.

I understand that we don't all feel that way though and for some it is very important to follow the "proper" steps. So I'd understand why he hasn't confirmed your status yet but Idk why he wants you to undo it - as it shouldn't link to him until he confirms anyway.

Fairenuff · 14/07/2013 11:36

How old are you op?

Original poster

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 14/07/2013 11:54

fairenuff Did you mean to be so rude?

Anyway, it's all sorted now. He has rung and we discussed it. He is quite a private person. I apologised for not checking it was ok to put it on and he apologised for not answering the phone. He was out walking with his friend (which he did mention yesterday but my memory is shocking due to my epilepsy) and had left his phone in the car.

Still quite curious to meet the parents.

OP posts:

GetStuffezd · 14/07/2013 11:55

I didn't think fairenuff was trying to be rude, OP.

Fairenuff · 14/07/2013 12:40

No, not being rude at all. I was asking your age. You said he was 33 so I thought it was ok to ask how old you are

MadeMan · 14/07/2013 13:36

He probably just wanted to tell his parents first in the traditional way, rather than have them get wind of the news through the Internet.

Perhaps he did overreact a bit, but I generally think the whole announcing things on Facebook thing just adds more hassle to life. You announce your relationship status on FB, you get X amount of likes and comments from "friends" congratulating you and it makes you feel nice and fuzzy for a while. What happens in two months if you split and then have to announce your breakup on FB for all to see? Personally I wouldn't want everyone knowing all about my business, especially during the sadder parts of my life.

AKissIsNotAContract · 14/07/2013 13:40

It's a bit odd to declare yourself to be in a relationship with someone when you've only got as far as kissing.

Hissy · 14/07/2013 13:41

If he has no relationship history, and is this freaked out about his parents finding out (they won't until he confirms the relationship stauts) then TBH, you need to treat this as a VERY BIG red flag.

There's a reason you're the first, and it's generally not a good thing.

His family dynamic sounds dysfunctional. Be wary. They don't sound good future material.

DollyWhite · 14/07/2013 13:48

You have only been going out with him a couple of months.

Was it linked to his profile too? A friend of mine has just announced similar but it has the new beau's profile picture, along with his name, on her relationship status section. I think that's a bit much if not long term relationship, personally.

SuperConfused · 14/07/2013 18:56

You've only been together a couple of months? If I was him I'd be running for the hills.

Nobody my age (30) that I know on fb puts anything short of marriage up, unless they're still 'in a relationship' with people from college. I live with dp and just think its a bit of an odd thing to do: we've both hosed to leave our statuses blank, people who know us found out we were in a relationship by being told, or presumably for those we don't see much who care have figured it out through years of photos.

He also didn't tell his parents about me till we were together six months and it was a bit more serious. Assuming he isn't totally au fair with the fact it doesn't automatically update his page I can see why he'd want to actually mention it to his in person rather than having them find out about it from the Internet. If I had any kind of relationship with my kids I'd think finding something like that out online was weird.

To each their own, but if a newish boyfriend or girlfriend did this among most if my friends, eyebrows would be raised, so I don't think I has to automatically mean there's anything weird about it.

themaltesecat · 14/07/2013 19:27

OP, you sound a bit unhinged in your reply to Fairenuff.

I doubt I've ever told my parents about my boyfriends after only two months. Some people just like to keep these things private.

He might have work colleagues as Facebook friends and therefore good professional reasons for wanting to keep details of his romantic life off there- at least until it's at a more serious stage.

Anyway, it was very bad form of you to do this without his permission.

It looks a bit sad to announce anything short of a "married to" on Facebook, anyway.

Vivacia · 14/07/2013 19:29

I'm not on Facebook, and I'm bemused by the endless Facebook-related problems on here. But I think the OP gets it now. Further comments alluding to her maturity or mental health are not going to be helpful.

EagleRiderDirk · 14/07/2013 19:40

Just from another side. I was the first person my oh kissed, albeit a few years before we got together. I was his first proper gf. he is the sort of person who would prefer to tell his parents before it going on Fb as his mum has quite an issue with people knowing before her. we've been together many years now and have 2 wonderful dcs and his lack of relationship history hasn't made him disfunctional as a partner, probably the opposite in fact.

glad youve got it sorted

MelanieCheeks · 14/07/2013 19:43

Chagning Facebook status is serious - you should have discussed it with him first.

Zynda · 14/07/2013 19:48

I would never ever put relationship status on my fb. Not even if I got married. I would just continue to leave that blank. I really think it's a bit childish to put it up on fb although I understand that people who have been securely married since before fb even took off don't think about it like that, but since fb took off I've been in a relationship, out of one (mostly) briefly in a relationship and now back to out of one again which will no doubt continue. There is no way I would ever put myself in the position of having "Zynda is now single" popping up in 180 people's feeds. Or Zynda is no longer in a relationship and is crying into her pot noodle the sad dateless loser or whatever it says.

Gillian1980 · 14/07/2013 20:04

I think it's perfectly normal for people to be "in a relationship" with their OH on facebook, everyone I know has it like that and we're all "middle aged". I don't see how it's immature or for teens only?

Glad you got it all worked out in the end OP.

themaltesecat · 14/07/2013 22:23

Zynda is no longer in a relationship and is crying into her pot noodle the sad dateless loser

Beautiful!

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