New baby - huge argument with husband

[toastnjam]

I know this probably sounds silly but i feel like the first few weeks with our new baby (6 wks old) have been spoiled becuase me and dh have had a huge argument. it started with me having a go at him about somethign for which he eventually apologised. i failed to accept the apology and the argument continued. We have "lost" about 4 days of being a proper family as a result as whenever we were speaking to eachother, it was to argue. I got so bad, even wondered if i had pnd, which i told dh. but he was so angry with me by this stage, he didn't seem to care. Since the argument, he has been making an effort (done the night feeds for last few nights so i could catch up on sleep as i never sleep when we've argued)It just feels that all other couples have this blissful time(albeit tired and a bit stressed ) when their new baby arrives but ours has been tainted by all the horrible things that have been said to eachother and the aruing and shouting. Anyone else been through this? Or got any advice about how to make things feel better?

NQC - agree - trying to say anything while a aby is crying is just downright dangerous and counter-productive...that noise flicks all the hormonal switches...

Hoooooever, if you did score 11 on the Edinburgh test (as did I back in those long lost days of new born hell) do please realise that PND is very common, it can be quite mild as well as full blown despair, it is utterly treatable and it will get better.

Sadly I just can't tell you exactly when....

Don't worry about your score on the questionnaire, mine was higher than that but it was after bad night with very little sleep now if they had asked me another day or a week later then it might have been totally different and thats the thing about the first few weeks you are all over the place, but having said that if you do need help don't be afraid to ask for it.

My HV is great, but from what I have heard from other people that is the exception not the norm, is there any other HVs in your practice that you could swap with or any other mums you could get in touch with ? I found and find that just swapping experiences makes things so much better because I felt really vulnerable and took everything that people said to heart, even if it was complete nonsense.

Mine was high as well - can't remember the score. However, my hv took the view that since my anxiety was being caused (partly!) by the fact my dh is chronically ill, the best response was "hey, you're depressed, you're post-natal, but you don't have PND so what do I care?".

I hope your hv was well-meaning in trying to offer some support, even though the effect has been to make you feel worse - so often the case with hvs alas! There really is NOTHING abnormal about your having a row with your dh.