Upset email to DH - is it ok?

[twosmallbuttons]

After a ridiculous argument over nothing this morning, I'm getting sick of the way DH speaks to me. I've often wondered if he is an EA, I see similar traits in him to my dad and the way he used to treat my mum before she finally stuck up for herself.

Without giving a long boring history, please can you read my email to DH and let me know if it's ok. No doubt he will turn some of the issues around to be my fault anyway

Hi

I want to tell you how upset and disappointed I feel about what happened this morning.

When you shout and get angry and wave your arms around, it makes me feel threatened. When you get angry about me not speaking loudly enough or hearing properly, it makes me feel like you blame me for my hearing problems. When you suddenly backtrack and decide to cycle to work instead of what we'd just agreed, it makes me feel like you're doing it just to spite me (passive aggressive).

I do not want to be treated like this. Especially when I'm supposed to be returning to work with you. Please ask yourself, would you speak to Colleague A or Colleague B in this way? Why do you think it's an acceptable way to speak to your wife and work partner?
It leaves me feeling sad and wary of the future of our relationship, that you seem unable to control your temper over such a small matter.

If I am to return to work in September, I want to be secure in the knowledge that I will be treated with respect and understanding.

Is it too critical or accusatory?

Yes...I will never forget the counselling session where DH exclaimed "My dad called my Mum a bitch all the time, it's no big deal". You could see the realisation dawning on his face that it is NOT ok. The whole process has (rightfully) made him question the environment he grew up in. He has gone from a place of 'I'll give my kids the childhood I had and that'll be ok' to my position which is 'I'll give my kids the childhood I wanted and that will be awesome'

That's awful and so sad that he thought 'bitch' was a normal thing to say!
I don't know where DH's behaviour stems from, he had a happy childhood as far as I know, but perhaps the dynamic between his dad and mum was different than was presented...

DH's childhood was on the whole a happy one, when I met him I would have said our childhoods were comparable - stable with many imperfections. And he has emerged as very successful as a result. But when you delve into it there was a shocking lack of respect in the house that just didn't exist in mine. My parents, for all their faults, would always revert back to a place of 'ok, you deserved to be listened to' whereas his never gave each other even that.

"he had a happy childhood as far as I know"

You don't need to have had a happy childhood to know that it's wrong to belittle someone who has hearing problems about not being able to hear. It's basic, basic stuff and if it stems from anywhere, it stems from needing to bully others in order to feel good about himself. Which makes him an inadequate prick rather than a pathetic 'damaged child'.

Don't give him any wriggle-room on this. No more excuses.