to go out when my dh's family visit?

[goldwrapped]

To cut along story short, I really can't be doing with my dh's family. They're all really hard work for a variety of reasons - there were (legal) intermarriages which didn't work so they all fell out; Aspergers is rife; they're all basically not people I'd choose to spend time with.
At our wedding last year his family barely spoke to me and were rude to my family. We'd arranged the whole day around dh's brother flying over for it but in the end he didn't come. Didn't even send a card ....
Three years ago said bil and sil came to stay with us for a few days, to spend time with his kids who still live in the uk. Dh arranged for lots of his family to join them all here. I would come home from work and the house was completely trashed, not a clean cup or plate anywhere, remnants of food fights up the walls, all our food eaten, filthy toilets, dirty clothes on the floor .... We went out to eat at our expense (we're heavily in debt, they're loaded) They left to spend 2 weeks in 5* luxury in the Maldives. Sil didn't lift a finger the whole time she was here and I haven't heard for either of them since.
And now dh is arranging another get together for them, here, in 3 weeks time. Bil and sil have asked to be booked in to a local hotel (maximum £100/night, bil stated), leaving his 3 dysfunctional kids staying with us. Dh has invited another 20 or so of his family here to eat/stay.
So am I being unreasonable to not want to be here? I can understand him wanting to see his family, I'm not suggesting he shouldn't invite them, but I don't feel able to be polite to them after all that has happened ... Much better that I go elsewhere for the weekend so he can enjoy them? He says I'm being rude, but I think it's preferable to what I'm likely to day to them if I stay put ....

What sort of counsellor are you seeing?

The whole situation is ludicrous - and you're the only one seeing it for what it is (at least partly). The offspring are not some kind of pass the parcel prize with you the one left holding it. Not to mention the 20 other guests who require feeding - who will be responsible for that?

I think you might have differences in cutural expectations - is that right? In which case, you have a hell of a fight ahead of you. Not that I think you shouldn't have it...

Goldwrapped - if you want the thread moved to Relationships you have to ask MN Towers.

Try reporting your own post and asking that way. (Disclaimer - I have never done it but that is what I understand)

I think it would be a good idea to move it - it sounds like this a very long way from over and will probably veer away from your original OP.

Good luck with the counselling. I hope you get the chance to state your case and your DH eventually realises HIBU.

As another poster stated, you will be paying the hotel bill. So do not make the reservations for them.

Is your DH an aspie too? He did not think to ask you, he let these people trash your house, he watched them eat all your food, have a food fight, leave the toilet filthy.

Then he unilaterally invited these same awful people again!

Hi,

goldwrapped has asked us to move this into the relationships section.

MNHQ.

I tried to say no but was over ruled (its my house too) I really don't know how I'm going tone able to be polite to these people! I've realised I can't go away - they are staying Fri, Sat and Sun nights - I'm working the Fri, Sat and Mon and my kids are there too, I can't just abandon them.
Think I'll just have to keep my head down & count my lucky stars its only 3 days, every 3 years ....

Well as long as your husband keeps them under control & clears up after them and you have as little as possible to do with them, it should all be OK

Ok, but if there is any repeat. Of bad manners, filth, lack of respect you need to really blow your stack at whoever it is, AND your H.

I would never again be overruled in my house, next time it IS hotels for thé lot of em and they pay.

Never heard anything like this... seriously you need to manMUM-UP! :)

I think the whole thing sounds tragic. You should never feel that you have to be driven out of your own home to accommodate people you can't stand. It may be your DH's home too but, if he feels that strongly, perhaps he'd like it all to himself and let you set up somewhere else without him? No-one crosses my threshold that I don't like. Don't care who they're related to.

Maybe you could invite lots of other people over on the same nights- perhaps if you have friends over at the same time then these people would tone down their behaviour? Sleepovers for the kids friends?

Sorry, I would be "over my dead body, DH" no question of being overruled. It is clearly unacceptable. .

I know I sound like a pushover. I'm so not, but am pretty downtrodden at the moment .... Loving the idea of sleepovers for the kids ... Inviting my mates over ... Smile on my face :). Will keep you posted. You've all been wonderful, thank you....