Practical advice on how to leave my partner please

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I posted a few months ago about my DP who had gambled and ran away, I was 6 months pregnant at the time. I stupidly took him back.

The baby is now 3 weeks old, was born slightly early in a v traumatic way and I'm recovering from an EMCS so have been relying on DP to go to the shops etc, meaning I've had to let him take cash/cards out. Well, today he went out with the last of our money, meant for gas & elec and gambled it.

He's come home with a feeble 'sorry' and is sulking. We have no gas, no elec, hardly any food, will be scraping the rent this month if we manage to pay it at all.

I forgave him so many times for doing shit like this but not now not with a baby.

I want to leave. I cant put my daughter theough a lfe of not knowing if she will have a roof over her head or food on her plate, I cant have her worrying if herdad will come home every time he goes out.

I'm still in a lot of pain physical and mental from the birth so I can't even think straight. My only family are 300 miles away and don't even know about the baby, we don't speak. I have no friends, Ive been trying to make some but have only people I would say hi to in the street, no one I could even share a coffee with. No job, no money. I need practical advice on where I can go now.

Help me get out please?

Tell him to leave
Without him will u have money u can use for things
If u do kick him out then u really need to get some support as u r still recovering from birth

God,poor you. Would he seek proper help for his gambling?
Could you call womens aid or your Hv?

my names on the tenancy so I could stay here on my own, but wouldn't be able to pay the rent. Landlord might be sympathetic if I have a plan in place, I don't know what that could be though.

Hes had SO much help, I organised groups and councelling and drs appointments, found him a sponsor, took control of his money, he still went back to it. He won't look for help himself.

I'll admit Om scared to ring the HV because of social services.

I remember your other threads well. Congratulations on your dd. I have no practical advice but I wish you well

thank you.

Im thinking of going home to my parents tbh, but it'll be a difficult reunion and I know DP would gamble rather than buying a train ticket to see the baby and I dont want her to have an absent father. I don't know what's best for her, I can't believe I chose such a shit father for her.

I told him I would have to take her home (300 miles away) and he didn't even say anything.

what part of the country are you in? there may be someone nearby on here who could at least offer moral support.

I'm in Birkenhead

I am not very far from you OP and I remember your thread about him running away. Im so sorry to hear you are in this position.
Have you tried the council?

How are things with your parents?

If the both of you will be looked after and supported then I really think that is the best option for you right now.

It sounds as if you have done more than enough to try and help him, let him be responsible for his own problems now.

It's time to put you and your DD first.

Sorry, I just read you don't speak. My bad.

Can you get in contact with them? See how they react?

I will try the council, it'll take ages to get homed though wouldn't it? I don't know if Im better off staying here and trying to sort out rent or going home to my parents first.

I haven't spoken to my parents in a long time but I don't think they would turn me away. They're divorced and living seperately so even if one does the other might not.

I'm not interested in helping him anymore, he can do what he likes now. I defended him and forgive him for years, because Im insecure and thought I couldn't do better. My DD can do better, I'm absolutely fucking fuming at this, and I won't be forgiving him this time. She doesn't deserve the stress of it all as she grows up.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this :( Now 100% focus on yourself and your DD! The saying is true: you can only be helped if you want the help and maybe your DP doesn't want to change.

Every time he says he wants help but does he look for it? Nope. He waits for me to sort it out. Last time I didn't bother and so nothing was done. I don't think he really wants to change.

Worried - please contact your parents, I think you should give this a try. A grandchild can be the most amazing way of bringing families together. Why don't you speak to them? Anything to do with your partner?

You're so brave to be going through this at just three weeks postpartum - get away from him and get on with the rest of your life, don't let him fuck over your DD.

Have you got access to a phone?

Oh and don't worry at this stage about him being an absentee father. Access / visits can all be sorted out later down the line - this is about getting you sorted first.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Life is tough enough with a new born and a emcs to recover from.

I think that this food bank is local to you.

Wirral Foodbank
Unit 14
Wirral Business Centre
Dock Road
Birkenhead
CH41 1JW

Tel: 0151 638 7090
Mobile: 07790205481

Lots of little things, we didn't get on as people and it got hostile and I just felt it best to distance myself, I moved away to live with my partner and we sort of drifted into not speaking at all for a long time. There was no big falling-out or anything. My extended family would all be excited and fantastic with the baby, DPs family were excited before she was born but have shown no interest, not even a phone call since she was born. She would probably have a better life with my family tbh but it means she probably won't see her dad because he won't buy a ticket to see her. It's a tough decision to make

Thank you Martha, we've got enough food to last for a little while, DD is breastfeeding so she's okay, I'll eat what's in the cupboards and DP can go root through the bins for all I care.

I've got access to a phone and Internet access.

Right now DP is sitting by the phone waiting for his mum to call him back. I think he will go to his mums tonight.

Worried - if your parents are decent people and were not cruel or abusive to you, go back to them. As a mother, I can promise you I would want my daughter to do exactly that. Fast forward 30 years, wouldn't you want your DD to do that?

Sort out DDs time with her dad later - tough luck to him if he misses a few months of her life while you get sorted. Can you afford a train ticket / can you drive there?

It broke my heart that he didn't even object when I said I would have to take her 300 miles away. You'd beg, promise to do anything it takes to keep your baby close wouldn't you? What's wrong with him.

I too have a gambler for a husband and have faced many of the same decisions, feelings that you have. The practical advice I can suggest is citizens advice bureau maybe. For emotional support do feel free to pm me. I don't want to post to much info on here incase I am outed. I am not yet in the same situation as you but am only one gamble away from that not being true. Sounds like to me you are being a very strong woman and amazing mother.

Just phone your parents at least then you will know where you stand even if staying with them is a stop gap it's better than staying where you have no gas electric or food

My advice is contact both your parents and explain what has happened. If you feel comfortable that you will be looked after, pack up and go.

Hopefully someone can come help you, as others have said it's only been three weeks and you should still be taking it easy.

He has brought all of this on himself and If he won't buy the train ticket to see her then she is better off without him.

I can't afford to leave right now but he's due a weeks wages next Friday so I can use that for a train ticket home. I've got his cards back now so he can't spend anything else.