Practical advice on how to leave my partner please

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I posted a few months ago about my DP who had gambled and ran away, I was 6 months pregnant at the time. I stupidly took him back.

The baby is now 3 weeks old, was born slightly early in a v traumatic way and I'm recovering from an EMCS so have been relying on DP to go to the shops etc, meaning I've had to let him take cash/cards out. Well, today he went out with the last of our money, meant for gas & elec and gambled it.

He's come home with a feeble 'sorry' and is sulking. We have no gas, no elec, hardly any food, will be scraping the rent this month if we manage to pay it at all.

I forgave him so many times for doing shit like this but not now not with a baby.

I want to leave. I cant put my daughter theough a lfe of not knowing if she will have a roof over her head or food on her plate, I cant have her worrying if herdad will come home every time he goes out.

I'm still in a lot of pain physical and mental from the birth so I can't even think straight. My only family are 300 miles away and don't even know about the baby, we don't speak. I have no friends, Ive been trying to make some but have only people I would say hi to in the street, no one I could even share a coffee with. No job, no money. I need practical advice on where I can go now.

Help me get out please?

Right, looks like I need to contact my family. I dont know what to say, its going to be a shock to tell them about the baby, they know nothing about my life and wouldnt expect it of me! I might write a letter first? With a picture of my daighter? I have a week before I can go so it doesnt need to be an immediate phone call.

Im sorry you're going through similar Heartofdixie

Not necessarily if you explain the situation to them worried
Or try the CAB for advice.
I would ultimately contact your parents though. You might not have to go down the above route if they take you in.

Hi Worried I read your other thread. Congratulations on the birth of your DD, I have no first hand experience with gambling but I was a baby who helped heal the rift between my DM and her DParents. As HandMini said a grandchild cash be the most amazing way to bring a family together, good luck. :)

I remember your other thread.. I'm so sorry he didn't buck himself up OP cos you sound so lovely :(

If you break up with him you'll be able to claim benefits.. I think income support for you and child tax credits and child benefit for the baby.. then you can apply for housing benefit which would hopefully cover your rent and council tax. You won't be rich but you'll manage - I should imagine you've learnt to be quite creative at stretching pennies before now :(

At least this way you'll have a bit of breathing space. Boot him out xx

I'm sure if you speak to them they may be able to help you with the cost of a train ticket until you sort money out.

I bet they will be happy to here from you and be excited to meet the new addition

Do whatever you are more comfortable with, although a phone call would probably be easier.

It means any questions are answered right away, as you say they will be shocked and will no doubt have lots.

Just start by saying "Hello Mum/Dad, I know it's been a while since we last spoke but I really need some help"

Let it go from there.

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Just at the time when you could do with as little outside stress as possible.

Could you get to CAB for advice or maybe they can do advice via the phone? Or Shelter could advise (it's not just for people who are homeless).

I agree with others about contacting your family. Even if they could help out for a short time while you find housing help from the council and what you're entitled to in terms of money/benefits etc.

It's shit right now but you sound really strong and I'm sure you'll do great.

I think you're doing the right thing by calling your parents- please try not to be scared remember you're their baby they will do anything to help you I'm sure.
Congratulations on your dd- please pick up the phone this could be the start of a whole better life for her :)

Do you have any brothers or sisters??

Maybe your parents will surprise you. Make the phone call. Knowing that you and your daughter need them might make all the difference.

As someone else said I wouldnt worry about your DP and your DD's relationship just know. Get yourself sorted and that can come later.

Best of luck

I've got a brother.

I've just come downstairs to find him on the phone to someone asking for help too little too late for me though.

Hi worried. Sorry I can't be of much help myself, but if you post this in relationships you will get a lot of really useful advice on help available to you, numbers to call, that kind of thing. Many of the ladies on there have been through similar themselves, or work in relevant fields so can be of huge moral and practical support.

thank you, I've asked for it to be moved

On a practical note, have a look at this website to see what you financial help is available for you www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx#

Congratulations on your DD, sorry things are so difficult for you.

Thanks, I just had a quick go and looks like I'd be entitled to more than DPs wage! That's a massive reassurance.

today he's acting like nothing happened, hasn't mentioned the money we lost or the help he was phoning for yesterday. I told him we're over but he had no reaction, doesn't seem to have taken it seriously, he slept in my bed!

hi op. do talk to your heath visitor too. she can link you in with other support services. congratulations on having a lovely daughter by the way.

When he's gone you can apply for benefits that will keep you fed, warm and clothed with a roof over your head. Or get back to your family who will look after you. He will have a choice whether his daughter is more important than his gambling and you can't force contact. Also, is there a post natal group near you? Chatting to your HV will be a good thing. Social services won't be interested in a child that's being well looked after, and they're not the baby snatchers they're made out to be. Birkenhead people can be friendly and approachable in the main (I'm an ex Wallasey girl). Best of luck to you xxx

I definitely think you ought to speak to your HV, I doubt they will go running to Social Services and should have some useful and practical advice for you. However, I also think that a phone call to your parents is a great idea. If there was no particular falling out then I'm sure they will be more than willing to help. Congrats on your DD, I hope you recover soon from your section.

Hope your ok worried stay strong you don't need this man

Do call your health visitor. I doubt they'll fuss about social services. They'll know what's available and best for you in your local area.

I'm in southport so not far from you.

You need to get him out and also get him off the tenancy if he is on it as well. Call homestart; www.homestartwirral.co.uk/ or the HV will probably refer you anyway. You need to go to jobcentre plus to start a claim for benefits straight away as a lone parent.

I think if you haven't spoken to your parents for a long time maybe there is good reason for that and you will make yourself dependent on them if you go back there but writing to them to tell them about the baby is a good plan anyway.

I would try and get yourself set up independently of p.

www.homestartwirral.co.uk/