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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex is engaged. I'm pregnant.

64 replies

myboyfriendsback · 02/07/2013 05:24

I'm so outraged and heart broken right now.

Ex Dp had an emotional affair and left me and our two children for her. A week after, I found out I was pregnant and thought that this would cause him to come around and realize that we should take a chance at trying to work it out between us, but instead he implied that he doesn't think our baby is his. I am so heart broken, I love him so much and the fact that he thought I would betray him was the worst feeling.

I found out yesterday through a mutual friend that Dp and OW are engaged to be married. I'm so devastated as Dp and I had been together for 6 years and two, almost 3 children, he always said he wouldn't marry me as he didn't believe in marriage, but after 6 weeks with her he is the marring type.

And because we weren't married my whole entire life has been turned upside down; I had to move my children and myself out of our house and now living in one bedroom at my parents house, I relied on him financially so now have no source of income, all my friends were really his friends and have chosen to stand by him.

I feel so alone, I don't know how to be without him or how to get over this. How am I supposed to have a baby on my own? I keep thinking he will come around but now she has what was supposed to be my ring on her finger I guess he isn"t. But I'm carrying his baby, surely that should count for something?

I don't know what to do all I want to do is lay down and die. I feel so worthless. How do men do this to the people they love?

OP posts:

DHtotalnob · 03/07/2013 16:38

OW comparisons are just part of the process, and there will be a day when it just doesn't seem that important any more. Try and chivvy that day along if you can, but it will happen anyway.

Agree totally with the tiger-mother comment ^ . That instinct is fantastically close to the surface - hurrah!

And he sounds a bit thick, tbh. Getting engaged after 3 months in these circumstances just makes him look like a nobhead. Does he have tattoos of the children's names?

buthow · 03/07/2013 19:47

TheRealFellatio it ddnt come out wrong I'm trying to tell the OP tht I thot I was at my wist end somehow she made me realise that I'm feeling sorry for maself. Yet there is someone going through worse out there. It made me realise that I'm in a better situation somehow she helped me heal with her post as much as she is in pain she has helped someone by posting. I realised I'm selfish there is someone out there who is going through worse and it pains me. Two beautiful innocent kids alife and not in the stomach have been abondoned by their father and I'm crying for being left while pregnant for a guy I barely knew some how I deserve this but OP doesn't 6years is no joke

buthow · 03/07/2013 19:52

I'm still a bit new here what does OW mean? I know W means woman but O is Original?

cleopatrasasp · 03/07/2013 19:56

buthow OW means other woman.

MadBusLady · 03/07/2013 20:08

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time buthow. No-one "deserves" to feel that rubbish, even if they may have made mistakes. How are you doing on practical stuff? Is the father contributing to your children's upkeep?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 03/07/2013 20:10

Other Woman

What an utter utter bastard :(

I don't have anything to add to all wise advice you have already had - just another hand to hold.

WafflyVersatile · 03/07/2013 22:23

A man who owns a house and a flat leaves his children and their mother to live in one bedroom is not a good man and your life (eventually) will be much better without him.

buthow · 04/07/2013 06:44

cleopatrasasp thanks for e definition. I'm now on e loop lol.

MadBusLady thankyou for asking hey I'm stil pregnant he denied and left me practically disappeared from the face of the earth. He is a foreigner in my country so he probably went back to his country there is noway I can force child support I kept two pictures of him for my child to have clue what he looks like as he grows

But really OP I don't mean to be selfish but you did kinda heal me. I really wish I could do or say something that will help you too. I truly hope all the advice you got from the caring people that wrote really helps you. You are not alone. I'm supposed to advice you, make you feel better but thankyou, thankyou so much. I know and I'm so sure you will be ok, it has to be ok

raisah · 04/07/2013 07:16

Sounds like the housing arrangement was a tax dodge of some kind. If you were a house mate then you should have paid rent for which he must pay taxes on.
Obviously, you didnt pay rent for him to be able to pay taxes but if he wants to go down that route then annonomously report him to HMRC. If they invrstigate him & it comes to nothing then fine but he will be rattled by having the tax man investigating him. Also report him to the council for unpaid council taxes on the second home, don't give your name.

Take his own advice and do all correspondance through the court & atleast his behaviour will be officially recorded. Make sure that its noted he changed the locks & kicked his own kids out effectively making them homeless. Do not plead or beg, you need to be a hard nosed business woman out to get the best deal for your kids. You are their advocate, they cant speak for themselves so you need to get the best possible deal for them now before he gets the OW pregnant. You need to act fast.

Get a DNA test to prove that he is the father of your children and get in touch with the CSA asap. Make sure that he pays the maximum possible so that he has less money to spend on a flash wedding. You may not have a claim on his house because you are not named but your kids have. Get a court ordered DNA test done, he claims they are not his, so he should not object. And then nail him for all you can because your kids deserve a good life free of that shit of a 'father'.

Mosman · 04/07/2013 07:51

Court emits able DNA tests aren't the same as the Jeremy Kyle ones so don't get those done wait for the court to order them.
The CSA will assume the children are his if you state when the relationship started and ended, I've never needed to provide proof the onus is on him to prove they aren't his.

raisah · 04/07/2013 07:52

That stupid idiotic OW hasnt thought that she too can be abandoned in a few years with a baby like you have been. Make sure that you punish him through the courts for abandoning his children. Give him a tough time so that he cant enjoy this new relationship.

Please keep us updated.

Wellwobbly · 04/07/2013 09:15

I'm so devastated as Dp and I had been together for 6 years and two, almost 3 children, he always said he wouldn't marry me as he didn't believe in marriage, but after 6 weeks with her he is the marring type.

What an absolutely devastating insult and rejection for you, OP.

I do hope that women become more 'old fashioned' about marriage. It is a contract of commitment. Living together is about feelings. Because of my contract, my H is going to hear that the courts have a very different view of what the rules of fairness are than he does, and they are bigger than him.

buthow · 05/07/2013 20:33

But really men are so hurtful

Wellwobbly Its sad wat happ to u too. Seriously this situation is really sad why do men do this to women really why and most of these women that hurt did nothing but love the men. This really pains me from deep down

Wellwobbly · 05/07/2013 21:51

There is something wrong with our choosing mechanism, OP.

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