Can I ask what would happen to a hoarder if they say, went on holiday for a fortnight and came back and someone had cleared everything out of the house and thrown it away?
Would they feel liberated or would it trigger an emotional collapse?
Not liberated.
Violated. Betrayed. Invaded.... those are nearer the mark.
I once empited the kitchen, cleaned everything. Real proper old fashioed scrubbing. Put everything back in order and chucked only the purest crap.
I am talking butter wrappers stored for the purposes of greasing (for a very very long time), very out of date food, empty cartons in the fridge, baking tins rusted through becuase of a leak in the sink cupboard next to their cupboard, and some utensils where the handles had split/snapped rendering them not only useless, but actually dangerous.
I might as well have murdered her first born (myself) based on the reaction.
Stupidly I had done it becuase she blamed me for all the mess. Had done since I was young enough to remember. And this started well before her slightly clutteryness went full blown hoarding. On that occasion there had been a row, she accused me of never lifting a finger, so I tried to make things right. Except I made them more wrong.
Sometimes can feel a bit like living on quicksand overlaying a volano in an earthquake zone in terms of predictability. The mixed signals can cause you a mis step even if you thought you knew the rules, but then ... in the face of blame and guilt you think you didn't understand right so go with the spoken words not the sub text and the history...it can get confusing.
Don't get me wrong, I am far far far from ever having been a perfect daugher, I know I'll have contributed in some way to the mess, to the pain that caused the hoarding to swell out of control, and I helped wrong or I didn't help right regualrly and often. But half the time I didn't really know which way was up.
It has taken an awfully long time of distance to get any clarity. And I'm well. Which gives me a distinct advantage over her. I'd immagine in her head there would have been a tornado of conflicting emotions all pulling her in different directions at once.
I think there are times when you just have to go in and clear. If there are children living in unhygenic or dangerous conditions the line has to be their wellbeing over the person's connection to their hoard and their grief and horror if it is stripped away. But unless it is that sort of back against the wall sort of thing, best not to go behind backs and create a fait accomplis.
Not least becuase all a huge clear put does is create a vaccum that the person who hoards rushes to fill. If a mass clear has to be forced for the sake of other occupants it really needs to be done with phycological support on standby for the aftermath.