dealing with a long-winded dh

[carlajean]

my dh is incredibly long-winded and seems to be getting worse. I do realise that this may seem trivial, but it's driving me crazy. Every anecdote goes on for ever. He's OK when it's just the two of us, as he doesn't seem to need to go into such detail, and I can also give him a prod, but in company I feel like shooting myself, or him. Does anyone out there have the same issue, or perhaps other people are more tolerant than me?

Carla I have the same problem. I love my DH to bits, but he does get on my nerves with his long winded stories, I havent worked out how to politley chivvy him on when its just us two. What do you do?

I then have to listen to the same long winded story being repeated in company. I'm not sure if its me being intolerant as other people seem to love his company.

We've been together 25 years and I've noticed he's just like his dad. Again a lovely, kind funny man but he bores me to death sometimes.

I just had another thought. I'm actually a very direct, straight to the point kind of person. He isn't, obviously, and I'm not sure if he's getting worse or I'm getting more intolerant.

It's a bugger isn't it?

Mine is just the same. I feel terrible about getting annoyed with him because he is so lovely, but God it can be irritating.

I also worry that other people think badly of him because of this. I have noticed a few wry smiles and glazed eyes when he starts on one of his tales. I just wouldn't be able to say anything as he would be so upset.

When we are alone, I try to "hurry" him to the end of the story by asking "so what happened in the end?" or words to that effect. I don't do it in company as I think it would be too obvious.

I would love to hear if anyone else had a solution.

I say "long story short please love!"

I'm the long winded one in our relationship

I think I'm just telling a story, with all the interesting bits but DH assure me that it's often more like an unintelligible ramble .

He often gently steers me back on track with "and the point is?" Or "you were telling me about X?". In public it's usually a gentle tap on the leg ... or he just takes over telling the story. Would any of that work?

You say he's getting worse. How old is he?
I few things spring to mind (apologies if this is more serious than you were looking for). How's his hearing? Any dementia in the family? Is he bored/under stimulated at work?

I have the same problem with my DH. It's this inability to analyse the key points in a story. I'm a journalist, so I'm quite good at the doing the headline, the beginning, the middle and the end. But DH is a rambler... he'll start at the end, go back to the beginning, go off on a tangent about some small detail in the story, then to the middle...

Then most irritating of all, in the MIDDLE of the ramble he realises he's lost and he passes the story to me, he says "tell them what happened next..."

I can't work with DH's long-winded point, so I end up summarising and it sounds like I'm some efficient mean-minded teacher who is belitting what he's saying...

thank you all, I just needed to know I wasn't alone. You all sound a lot nicer than me, though, but perhaps I've been married longer (35 years). he spends so long explaining to people what they patently know already such as what wisdom teeth are, or that New York was more dangerous in the 70s and I really don't know why. When we're alone I'll tell him to get a move on, but can't do it in public. sometimes I wish I could fit something on him that would deliver a small electric shock when he starts rambling.

the fun stops here no dementia, and his hearing is OK, but he is 60, and has just retired. I think part of my irritation is that he's around all the time.

oh Carla I know that one too! We go to someone's house who has dogs. We don't have dogs, but DH will tell them all about dogs - how you should feed them, how much they should be exercised.
Also if he feels someone is doing something wrong, he feels he has to correct them by lecturing them about very simple things...

I have started to combat it by turning it into a joke with DH. As in I've made him think that I find it very endearing and sweet and funny. So when we're with others, I often comment directly to the person or group in the middle of one of his stories or pieces of advise, "Paul likes to tell you how it is, this is why I married him" and laugh and put my arm around him. He then seems to wind it down a bit.

Mine isn't so much long winded as leaves huge pauses in between what he's saying. If we're talking on the phone I have to check we haven't been cut off. I sometimes forget he was even telling me something and I start to think about something else. He's ten years older than me so I put it down to age. However he's still only 44 so should be alert enough to tell a simple tale?

"I wish I could fit something on him that would deliver a small electric shock when he starts rambling" What a good idea

As he's around more you're obviously having to listen to the rumblings more, so it's no wonder you're getting irritated. I had a similar thing, as Dh was in London working Mon-Fri, for 5 years. When he started working form home 3 days a week, it took quite a bit of readjustment, as Im at home too.

I know it sounds awful, but I've started going out a bit more. Tbh I don't think many couples could spend most of their time together and not get on each others nerves.

I have a colleague who does this, tells a story with all the minute and often irrelevant details which takes about 10 minutes as she speaks quite slowly too. I could summarise the story in about 5 sentences and be done in about 1 minute. Don't know what the solution is but I share your pain!

I just tell mine to get to the point. It drives me mad to. I'm one of those people who are very direct, and get straight to the point, even when telling a joke or story. Dh likes to go round all the houses....drives me insane.

Is it a man thing? I have a particular hatred of people who hog the floor, and talk on and on. It always appears to be men who do this

I feel your pain. I admit I just tune out most of the time. Occasionally I get caught out though!

I feel your pain. MIL is exactly the same and DH is quite similar.

On and on and on.

That doesn't necessarily bother me all the time though, its the fact they will happily ramble over anything you say and dont take an interest at all..except you are expected to sit through the same bloody story for the umpteenth time.
I feel better now I have said that

My father is like this, maddening! Getting worse with age, little awareness of social cues, listeners response or lack there of. Think nowadays he'd be diagnosed with HFA.

We've got a friend like this, he goes on and on and on, he just tells all the mundane tiny details, we call him micro management (between dh and myself ).

Here's a typical example of one of his boring stories

"So yeah we thought we'd go out for tea but the car was out of juice so we called in at the garage, then mil rang to tell us that Aldi are doing a deal on digital radios and to get ourselves down there sharpish if we want one. So then we thought we might as well bob in the garden centre because dw wants some flower pots" and so on and so on ..........

MIL is like this - looong stories, usually about family, involving LOTS of details about who married who, when, when all their birthdays are, oh no that's not right, now let me think; if so and so's birthday was such and such then YES! the 15th, that was it! I know because Julia's birthday was the 7th, but not of that month. Of course, there's a few birthdays in the family that month, Stephen and Edith, and Auntie Cath. She married a soldier you know.....

sorry no advice, got lost in my annoyance there if DH is telling a story but not sticking to the point I just take over or if I haven't heard it, I would prompt by saying something like 'so what happened in the end?'

MIL is lovely but tries to finish everyone's sentences for them while not actually having listened to anything that went before.

Us: "DPIL, we've bought a house! In..."
DMIL: "In ? Why have you done that? The commute will be terrible, blah blah..."
Everyone else: "???"
Us: "No, in road xxx in town we currently live in."
DMIL: "So why did you say ?"
Argh!!!

But it's DH who's the rambler. He tells hugely complex tales about stuff that happened at work (with details that are generally too technical, and frankly a bit irrelevant, for the narrative arc) that just sort of peter out at the end.

I've started saying, "Little bit too much information, love," even when we're in company as he doesn't seem to notice the glazed looks. And this is from people who work in the same industry add us, so goodness knows what the few friends we have that don't work in our industry think!

i also have a tendency to ramble, but I think I notice the signs of impending boredom from my poor victims and cut to the end or shut up.

I just remind him he is turning into dis dad who is a complete rambler and does an irritating finger pointy gesture for emphasis.
Usually shuts him up but is not foolproof. He also likes to tell me the same story over and over and over...

AllSwornOut your Mil story made me laugh out loud!

carlajean Have you tried imitating Tim in "Spaced" and just encouraging your OH to "skip to the end"? x

General question to all: do they maintain eye contact during the monologues?