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Original poster

Rub and tug- charming

35 replies

Waimea · 29/06/2013 22:49

I kinda guessed what it was, but just looked it up

Message on h's phone telling his mate where he'd been, recently when away on business

Could be bullshit bravado boys stuff, this 'friend' is a real boy about town type

Shit

OP posts:
WhoBU · 29/06/2013 22:50

Enlighten us... Hand job from a prostitute? Wank by himself?

Original poster
Waimea · 29/06/2013 23:05

Hand job from dodgy massage parlour

OP posts:
WhoBU · 29/06/2013 23:11

Ah. Any indication of whether it's the first time? Why were you looking at his phone in the first place? Acting weird?

Original poster
Waimea · 29/06/2013 23:32

Years ago I found a message from this friend with intro to a women
I thought it was a business introduction, but now I'm not so sure
Sounds like something they discuss

Why was I looking at his phone? I do from time to time, I don't trust him.

OP posts:
keepcalmandkickon · 29/06/2013 23:36

sorry you are experiencing this Waimea, it sounds as though you were right not to trust him though Sad

WhoBU · 29/06/2013 23:36
Sad

I'm guessing you have reason not to trust him. What's your gut saying? Would he pass it off as bravado if you challenged him?

AlfalfaMum · 29/06/2013 23:41

How grim of him. Friend sounds like a wanker too.
What are you going to do?

Original poster
Waimea · 29/06/2013 23:41

Yeah he can talk his way out of anything

OP posts:
Original poster
Waimea · 29/06/2013 23:47

We are going on holiday next week
I'm not going to be able to hold back my disdain, so he's going to know something is wrong. I don't want to go anywhere near him.
We had huge fight tonight, before this
He came back and was feigning sickness/tiredness so gone to bed

OP posts:
WhoBU · 29/06/2013 23:51

Poor you. If he has, is it a deal-breaker? You sound angry/worn down rather than upset.

Original poster
Waimea · 30/06/2013 00:01

I think if I ask him how he would feel if some guy in a massage parlor 'got me off' he'd realise that that's it, yes it's a deal breaker, but I can't prove anything

I am worn down, he's such hard work and I've been so fucking understanding and patient with his crap and this is what I get

OP posts:
alphacourse · 30/06/2013 00:05

(((Hugs))) do you think it is bravado?

WhoBU · 30/06/2013 00:14

Do you even want to be with him, either way? It sounds (understandably) like you don't like him much and want more from a relationship.

Original poster
Waimea · 30/06/2013 00:26

I've been very unhappy for a long time, so maybe it's just best if it ends now. It's not right. Hasn't been for years
I'll be fine on my own, she says, crying. Drank best part of a bottle of wine and have period from hell, hay fever and some tree allergy/rash
Not a good day

OP posts:
WhoBU · 30/06/2013 00:49

Well, then congratulations on your new life! You sound very weary and things can only get better. There are lots of posters who will be able to suggest practicalities in the morning.

alphacourse · 30/06/2013 00:50

What isn't right normally? What do you want to happen?

Bogeyface · 30/06/2013 01:38

Forget the "rub and tug".

You have been very unhappy for a long time, that is a perfectly acceptable reason for ending your marriage. You never have to mention that you know that he has been getting his jollies somewhere else, in fact I would be inclined to never mention it. It will piss this wanker off far more to think that his "charms" have failed on you.

"I dont love you anymore" will make a far bigger impact than you accusing him of something that he will talk his way out of. After all, he is wonderful so why on earth dont you love him anymore? He can tell people that you are made, possessive, jealous etc. But if you dont mention it what can he say? "She doesnt love me anymore because.....erm......."

Original poster
Waimea · 30/06/2013 07:53

I can't think straight anymore
I don't want to see him today

OP posts:
mummytolucas411 · 30/06/2013 08:23

Has he woken up yet?

Afrodizzywonders · 30/06/2013 08:28

Time to look forward to a life without all this crap....today is a new day.

You don't trust him and your gut tells you something is up. Do you rent? Own a house together? How straight forward is it for you to separate if you wanted to go down that route? Focus on your options....

Afrodizzywonders · 30/06/2013 08:29

Have you got a friend you can go and see to talk this through with today? Do you have children together?

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 30/06/2013 08:31

Forward the texts to your own phone, or photograph them, so you have them as evidence.

Do you have DC? I'd be tempted to change the booking and go on holiday without him so you can think properly, especially if he's so skilled in talking his way out of things. Tell him why, too.

Original poster
Waimea · 30/06/2013 09:02

He's still in bed
I've tried to get him to leave before. Not easy
One dc
I'm happy to go away without him
It's just flights.
I looked at his phone last night when he fell asleep in the couch, usually attached to him

OP posts:
Original poster
Waimea · 30/06/2013 09:04

I don't think I can talk to anyone about this
I'm so disgusted

OP posts:
lightrain · 30/06/2013 09:07

Can you go out for the day with DC, to a friends house so you can talk through this and think? Go early, before he wakes up?

I agree it would be good to go away on hols next week without him too. Space and time to think, peace and quiet and time to yourself once DC in bed, quality time with DC in the day.

Sorry you're going through this. It would be a deal breaker for me.