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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Rub and tug- charming

35 replies

Waimea · 29/06/2013 22:49

I kinda guessed what it was, but just looked it up

Message on h's phone telling his mate where he'd been, recently when away on business

Could be bullshit bravado boys stuff, this 'friend' is a real boy about town type

Shit

OP posts:
BigBoPeep · 30/06/2013 10:55

oh yes get out for the day, have a nice time with your DC at the beach or eating ice cream, drag a friend along to talk to if wanted/possible. You don't owe him anything so just go out and have a nice day instead of sitting in trying to wrangle this situation. You can use the time to plot your escape without him distracting you!

Waimea · 30/06/2013 11:02

Well turns out he is actually poorly. V high temp
Me and ds off out, not sure where/what yet

OP posts:
OctopusPete8 · 30/06/2013 11:07

Is the message about your DP having a rub and tug or his mate?

I'm very sorry you are going through this, although reading your posts seems almost like a relief, like you have a reason to exit this miserable realtionship.

OctopusPete8 · 30/06/2013 11:07

*relationship.

Guiltypleasures001 · 30/06/2013 11:12

Waimea this isnt for you to be ashamed about, its no reflection on you what so ever. It is all down to him, telling someone in real life will start the ball rolling with your decision to end this farce if this is what you want. I very much doubt anyone will do anything other than offer support, anyone who doesnt can be kicked to the kirb to keep him company.

Waimea · 30/06/2013 11:13

H says "found a great rub and tug in ....(city he was in)

This friend can go fuck off too.

OP posts:
Doha · 30/06/2013 11:20

I would tell him NOW what you found on his phone-while he is feeling ill. It will not give him a chance to think up and excuse and will make him feel worse-l hope.
Then take DS and yourself out for the day-don't feel a bit sorry leaving him alone. You could also message his friend and let him know you are onto them both..-does he have a DP?

Sorry you found out your DP was a wanker !!

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 30/06/2013 11:42

That text could indicate he's found one but didn't use it. Or went in there but didn't personally pay for a hand job. Yuck. But regardless, I actually think you should consider ending things. He'll lie anyway about it and can you ever trust him?

You sound deeply unhappy with him. After my marriage ended, I became a better parent, I was more at peace, more stable for my 2 DCs and I actually get on better with ExH now we do not live together. Once the dust settled and we found a good balance on access arrangements etc, we now get on so much better. I'm happy, kids happy. And I sleep well now, instead of worrying where he is, what he is up to and if he is telling me the truth.

It's a huge step and terrifying but ask yourself this? What does he bring to you? How different would things be without him? Would you be happier?

He sounds like a real charmer, a good catch not

He can still be a good Dad, if he is one, and he can still take his child off to places and do special things with them, without you being together, but you can move on with your life and be happier. And perhaps that would be better for your child, if they're picking up on hostilities/ arguments etc too.

I hope you have a good day wherever you go. I suspect your mind is like a washing machine right now though. Everything is clearer in retrospect. I do not often say this but LTB.

onefewernow · 30/06/2013 11:46

How would he know it was "great" if he didn't use it?

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 30/06/2013 11:53

Blokes send texts saying they've found a great place when they haven't tried it but heard good things about it from others or have walked past it. Well at least a lot of my male friends do but usually about pubs etc.

It doesn't matter, he sounds awful regardless; boasting to his friend by text about a place like that and she needs to leave him. And he probably did try it.

Let's not hi jack the thread splitting hairs on one comment of mine. She needs support. And one comment by me, wouldn't detract from that. As I did say 'could' and that he'd lie anyway. He sounds awful.

Hope you're ok OP.

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