how lazy or helpful is your husband?

[hudsonriver1]

Just as the title says really, mine does nothing so wanting to see whats the norm

He's neither lazy nor helpful, in that he does not help me IYSWIM?
He does half of what needs to be done, I do the other half.

Not lazy but we don't always agree on which jobs are the priority. He also tend to avoid anything I would class as 'putting stuff away' which drives me mental. I blame the parents

He would say I give the kitchen a cursory wipe down daily rather than a 'deep clean' in order that we get fed at a reasonable hour whereas he will be out with various chemicals and a steam cleaner 'doing it properly' at an inconvenient time usually He would be right

So basically we're a dysfunctional team but we both do the same 'amount'. It's just that I would rather do everything badly and have the place moderately okay, whereas he'd have a gleaming kitchen / bathroom, papers everywhere and a study like a shit pit

I am investigating getting a cleaner..

Thanks. Everything is left to me, theres no sharing chores

Well that is not on, is it? What are you going to do about it?

I don't suppose he grew up in a house where his DM did everything, did he?

He's not lazy or unhelpful - he just doesn't see what needs done and so I have to say there's X, Y and Z to be done. He'll do it straightaway, but it does frustrate me. I'm not going to break up a family over it though.

Dh does everything that needs to be done.
We work in partnership so if I'm not there (away, holiday, work, sick whatever) I have nothing to worry about.

He does the main shopping, sorts out the dishwasher (often after I have stacked it, apparently I expect miracles from water!)
DH gets the washing on, hangs it up, irons in the morning before he goes to work - or if it isn't finished in time I take over.

He is the one that has always done helped with the children's homework while I'm the one that organizes activities.
He always polishes the boys shoes and when they got older taught them how to do it.
He cleans the bathroom and loo and I tend to do the hovering, dusting, tidying away

I cook on a daily basis because I'm usually at home at meal times or I've prepped it before I have gone to work. If I've cooked him and the boys will clean the kitchen.

Dh has been very actively involved with the boys since the second I announced I was pregnant. Dh tends to do the taxi runs.

We are a great team. He is 50 and we have been together 23 years.

DH drives me crazy with leaving the dog food tin on the worktop, three feet away from the bin. He will move his clean, folded clothes from the bed to the chair, where they would remain and get covered in other things, rather than put them away, he often leaves the milk out of the fridge etc.

However, he walks the dogs every day, he does put DD to bed (including doing her bath) once or twice a week, or more if I'm knackered, will cook dinner now and again, goes shopping sometimes, and does any and all DIY that needs doing, usually without even prompting.

I am a SAHM so I expect to do the bulk of the housework, and other than walking the dogs there isn't anything that he does regularly, as in "his" jobs, but he does bits and pieces as they are needed. Sometimes I have to ask, sometimes not.

We are a team, he is more get up and go than me, so maybe you should ask him .

We are partners and we each do what needs to be done. As others have already said, this isn't a case of him helping me.

Well that's not on OP. What does he say when you discuss it?

I wouldn't be with a person who did not pull his or her weight in life. Ever. It's not 'helping', it's doing your fair share.

We're partners, he does everything I would do and, when I'm sorting out the baby, more. It's not on that your DH does nothing, you need to talk to him about it and get yourself a well deserved break. In most conversations it's funny to run with the 'DH does nothing' idea, but in reality he HAS to help you - actually, he shouldn't be helping you as that would imply its all your responsibility when it's not, he needs to do his share.

I read on here once that the solution to this issue is to only form long term relationships with adults.

That.

My dh is generally brilliant. I suffer from depression, which leaves me very tired and unmotivated, and he does all the ironing, most of the laundry, cooks at least a couple of times a week, and unpacks the shopping to put it away. That's not all he does, either.

OP why do you put up with this ?

He's not lazy at all but he does nothing around the house. He works 12 hour shifts, I work 2 hours and have DCs in school and nursery so I do all the housework. We are a good team

It's a fair share of everything, he can be a bit slapdash with some things but I can live with that. He deals with all the outside stuff, garden, car cleaning and DIY etc. He is ex army if that makes a difference.
We have a cleaner also, once a week.

My Dh usually does the bed time routine with DS though it is getting easier now that he is older.

He never does laundry, or food shopping, or cooking. Ocassionally he vacuums, does the kitchen or a few other things.

However, I have only recently realised just how far from home he works (I knew where it was and how long it too, but only recently drove there myself so I understand it better!) and I work at home (childminder) so it makes sense that I do most of the stuff at home, even though we work the same hours.

I do think he could do more though. I do lots of housework on the weekend where he thinks weekends are for resting. That is the case, of course, but my house is always upside due to the high volume of traffic in my house due to my childminding!

Hudsonriver Ive just seen your other post on relationships, and he is a man-child, tell him to grow up or fuck off, honestly life is too short to pander to his entitled crap.

He may empty the bins, wash up occasionally or empty the dishwasher.

10 out of 10 for helpful

He does what needs to be done completely equally when he is here, which is hardly ever because he works 6 days a week, v long hours.

He's not lazy or helpful, we just both do what needs to be done like normal adults

He doesn't do chores to help me, I don't do chores to help him. We do them because if no one does them we'd live in a shit hole with no clean clothes and nothing to eat.

Mine is unemployed. He cooks tea, does the dishes and picks the kids up from school. I do everything else including the gardens. I work fulltime too.
One of these days he'll end up under the patio.

I find it an absolute disgrace that someone who is fit and healthy won't get off their arse and get a job.

Thanks everyone. I dont know why I have put ip with it but its got worse. He stays in bed until 12.30pm, we are moving and I have done all the packing. He doesnt wash up, hoover, walk the beloved dog he so badly wanted, put the rubbisb out, make the bed when he decides to get up and all he says if I getting on at him