Delusional DH

[MsLadyLove]

He is very stressed at the moment with job, not talking to family members, im pregnant and having our house redone.
When we have a discussion about things he will start shouting infront or our 2 yr old and tonight he even punched his own fist trying to get his point across. I tell him to stop shouting calmly but he replies he isnt shouting. He also founds a strange way of blaming me for anything that goes wrong.
Im currently sat outside our house in the car just so i dont have to interact with him.
Im also 9 months preg and his behaviour makes me feel like crying all the time.
May i just add i have no fear he would ever hit me.
How do i get through to him. When i try to talk he shuts off.

Tell him to pull himself together or move out to protect his family.

I came into the house and it continued. Last thing he has said is f**k everyone. Lovely....
Its all over some bricks the builder cant source but somehow its my fault.

he is doing this becuase your vulnerable, crying and weak.

hes a twat.

tell him that it doesn't matter if his intention is not to shout

your perception is that he is shouting.

Tell him to take it out on the builder. Tell him he needs to sort out his stress. that his stress is his problem

suggest counselling

Being stressed isn't an excuse to take it out on other people - especially your pgt wife.

So, simple advice - take a stand now.

He cant continue like this. You should be the focus right now not him.

So personally I would be packing a bag to stay with RL family/friends until he grows up.

Or better still he can go and find a nursery to enrol in.

He is being a selfish bastard.

Either he leaves to calm down or you go some where else with dc and have your baby in peace with family support

Can you leave the house as it is for few months ? Not good time to have it redone...

We live next door to my family so i cant actually escape.
He even said oh you're going to start crying in a minute arent you. But i actually havent. Normally i would lose it but ive remained strangely calm and in control. Im actually going to record the way he speaks to me and play it to my mum. See what she thinks.

Oh, FFS.

He is stressed, you know this.

'Telling tales' to your mum will only make it worse.

You need to have a quiet chat with him about how you can make his life less stressful/get him some better coping mechanisms.

Presumably you don't have the option for him to simply quit work right now what with builders to pay, you presumably going on maternity leave/being a SAHM.

He must feel pretty trapped at his stressful work (possibly by having the in-laws next door too!).

I'm pg and in a very stressful work situation I can't escape I (need the maternity pay) and DH is struggling with doing up our home.

We both get stressed. Sometimes we both shout.

It is always better if we can be supportive.

I can put most of his behaviour down to stress and not cite it as an immediate LTB situation. But the He also founds a strange way of blaming me for anything that goes wrong. is one to really, really keep an eye on.

I'm not a shouter and I don't really do stress either, but on the rare occasions where I've lost it I may show off but I don't ever remember making it all someone else's fault or name-calling or anything.

If it were me in your situation I'd take myself off for the evening. Send a text saying you don't feel comfortable being around him and want some space.

When you next see him, say you understand completely that he is stressed, but it's not your problem and you are actually equally stressed and pregnant to boot. Ask him for suggestions to deal with the situation but say that any more anger directed at you rather than frustration shared with you will not be tolerated.

Ginger - being supportive is one thing, being an emotional punchbag (as the OP is being currently) is an entirely different scenario.

OP - is he like this to other people too, or just to you. If he is seriously not coping with the current situation then he needs to speak to his GP, and then look at changes that can be made so that he can cope. If he just does this to you however, and not to others, then it suggests that he is a bullying character, taking things out on you deliberately because he can.

Are you serious ginger
He's swearing and stomping around, op is 9 months pregnant and she should work out how to minimise his stress levels?
But don't record him and play it back to your mum- no good will come of that.

delusional has a v speific meaning in psychiatry.your dh isn't delusional
he is angry,cross and you've suggested work as a trigger
he's father and partner this isn't acceptable behaviour .at all

good luck to you when. new baby arrive.if he keeps shouting etc he need a strategy to address appalling behaviour

How utterly pathetic that here we are in 2013, and people are suggesting that a 9 months pregnant woman with a 2 year old toddler should have a quiet chat with a shouty, uncontrolled man about how you can help him make his life less stressful/get him some better coping mechanisms.

FFS. I've heard it all now.

You are amazing OP. This is not your fault. Your DH needs to get a grip. That's what you need to say to him. Get a grip.

And yes, why not record his ravings for the benefit of your family and his?

They should know the torment you're enduring.

This stress is not good for you, your unborn baby or your toddler.

I swear and stomp around when I'm stressed.

OH does other things that I don't like when he is stressed.

Learning to read undesirable behaviour (that isn't actually directed at me/him) and cut it off with a hug is really helpful.

Preventing it is better.

And partners can support each other in doing so.

I can get jealous if I have a rubbish day at work and know OH has been at home. And vice versa when our home is stressing OH.

Being partners we try to understand that and support each other.

GingerJulep
Don't tell us you swear and punch your fist in front of your 2 year old as well?

I think if a mother of a toddler is 9 months pregnant there should be a bit of consideration for her, particular when she has done nothing wrong by the sound of it. There is also consideration due to her unborn baby and their 2 year old child.

Part of becoming a mature adult is accepting that our needs don't always come first, and that we should put our petty jealousies and needs aside. We should also moderate our behaviour - such as swearing and stomping around - if it affects others.

Especially as a parent and a partner.

ginger you clearly don't have problem with the shout n stomp approach
however the op,doesn't like how her dh treat her.understandably
just because some folks like histrionics doesn't make it a-ok for others

Ginger, it sounds like you need to grow up a bit.

Also, MsLady, do involve other people.
Your OH could be in the process of becoming abusive, as opposed to being a phase due to stress, and the more you keep it quiet and a secret from other people, the more he's likely to continue.

Move in with family next door.

His behaviour is totally unacceptable. We all get frustrated or angry when things are going badly. It is plain wrong to take that frustration or anger out on other people. When you're sat in a car, frightened and crying because of someone else's behaviour you are being bullied and it should not be tolerated.

You might not think he'd ever hit you but I don't share your confidence. He's not delusional. He's aggressive, verbally abusive/offensive, he's deliberately scaring you and your child.... and it has to stop.

Im not scared of him. Ive been with him for 8 years. I know he would never hit or hurt me physically.
However, his isnt controlling his stress levels. He has sweeped his behaviour last night under the carpet but i havent. Im going to talk to him tonighy because he is being unacceptable.

I think that's the best way to do things. Sit down and talk. I do find that some of the comments are unfair on both of you based on so little information.

From what you have said, he sounds unreasonable and very stressed. I also have no doubt that because of your situation, you are finding it harder to cope with, and possibly you might be overreacting (I really don't know it's just a guess). I take it from your post this isn't his normal behaviour, if so conversation is the way to go.