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Original poster

a bit of a to do. perspective needed.

40 replies

Tortington · 30/05/2006 18:31

so i get up early and take dh and ds to work becuase the twins are off school and i dont need to see them off to school - its not out of my way. but meant i was at work for an astounding 8.10 am this morning. they thought i pissed the bed Grin

come home early - cos i was in early. sat down for 10 mins and started to teach dd and ds how to knit ( in a straight line is all i can do)

dh then phones up - he's knocking off early so i go to pick him up and bring him home a 20 mile ish round trip. ok no problem.

dh reads a report that i did in the car - very nice of him - correcting my poor grammar becuse i want it to be shit hot for when i hand it in tomorrow.

its all good.

get home ( again) finish casting on for dd and showing them both how to knit. ds gets pissed off so i tell him to start the tea. stick some chicken things under the grill.

dh walked in and sat straight at the computer. then barks at ds about how much he is cooking, then exasperated start shouting " thats not enough" " i'll eat sommat later " fkinell they have ate all the bread greedy gets, have ate all the bread today." shouting and pissed off becuase he wont get a decent tea. so i starts shouting at him for his shouting ( i know i know ) we end up having a row - where he repeats stuff he said in a row we had last night - certain phrases like "you schizoid cow" and stuff like that.

now the way i see it - i was doing a family activity - he just had to help ds with the tea. not shout - but show him what to do. but no. he sits here at the computer and barks and shouts at him.

but i am in the wrong. am not right sure how i am in the wrong at all.

its got something do do with - he is allowed on computer becuase i was knitting.

he wasn't shouting at all.

i'm schizoid and mad.

am just a bit unhappy - like you would be after a row.

now theres this after row routine. he doesn't speak to me so he can say i am a nutter for shouting. even though he acccepts withdrawing and not speaking is as potent as shouting.

so now he expects me to shout until i sort it out.

and the corker - the cherry ont he cake is that he turns into superdad in the after row period. and i withdraw.

and my arm hurts - which isnt helping - an additional moan. i pulled something months ago and its just getting worse. and cant see the doctor as if i dont phone at 8 ( when i am driving them to work) i wont get an appointment.
thinking of going to a&E but frightened i'll get shouted at by some nurses and just burst into tears at my shitty evening.

it will get me out of the house for a bit anyway.

so rambled a bit there.

not sure what i'm asking.

will probably be ok later - but am just a bit sick of arguing.

OP posts:
FioFio · 30/05/2006 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

Original poster
Tortington · 30/05/2006 18:34

i'd agree if it was friday - i dont drink during the week.
any road up - he's making the tea after all!

OP posts:
Carmenere · 30/05/2006 18:37

Your asking is it ok for your dh to throw his weight around because he is in a bad mood. You are asking if you do not deserve a bit of help with the kids and a bit of sympathy because your arm hurts. And you are also asking if shouting is the best way to resolve a row.
The answers are:
No
Yes
No
HTH

HarpsichordCarrierOnSea · 30/05/2006 18:37

I think it is exhausting when you have the same rows and the same routines that you have had before soooo many times. It is hard to get the energy up to resolve it.
I had to Grin at thought you had pissed the bed - not heard that expression for ages...

Carmenere · 30/05/2006 18:38

It's a nice evening, why don't you go for a walk and leave him to it?

HarpsichordCarrierOnSea · 30/05/2006 18:38

it is a PITA when the other person goes icily calm after a row and doesn't speak to maintain the moral highground.
I know this because I do it myself Blush

satine · 30/05/2006 18:38

I hate situations like this. All you want is a bit of help and some consideration but often the other person either has general bad temper to vent on something or claims not to have noticed that kids needed supper/getting out of bath whatever. I'd go out, I think, unless you have the energy to Have It Out and clear the air. What a crappy evening for you.

niceglasses · 30/05/2006 18:39

My dh is shite with the kids when he gets in. I reckon his journey home isnt long enough to wind down.- its only about 15 mins now. When he had an hour journey he was much better - more calm. Thats my theory anyroad.

FlameBoo · 30/05/2006 18:39

You did nothing wrong (except for shouting, but we all do that!) - men are stupid though - in their minds if you are doing an activity, then you are clearly not doing parenting then they don't have to either. DH would have been the same (no shouting though - he knows it irritates me more when he refuses to argue!!!).

For us it would result in sulking and silence for most of the evening, until one or the other gives in and makes the other a cup of tea.... No rhyme nor reason who gives in. I do force myself to say sorry if I have been in the wrong (not that I ever am Wink).

You might get more attention if you cry on nurses :) Do you have to take them to work tomorrow? I'm assuming that you wouldn't if it was term time?

Not a lot of help any of that, but wanted to reply :)

FioFio · 30/05/2006 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

FeckingFulfordmoonfiend · 30/05/2006 18:47

Is he still in the house?
I sympathise; it's same round here - if I sit down for 10 mins r and r, dh sees that as an excuse to sit down too, whereas I'd really appreciate him saying 'is there owt I can do to help?'' But satan would be dusting down the ice skates before that'd happen...Grin
Is the reason dh shouts and barks cos something else is the matter (ie, not something you have done, but work-related/stress/money worries etc)
I only say this cos men often get defensive and 'agressive' when there is something they are not in control of. (sorry for the generalisation about men but..)
Other than that, keep knitting, keeps your fingers from wrapping themselves around someone's neck Grin

Original poster
Tortington · 30/05/2006 18:47

thanks - i might go fer a walk.

OP posts:
Mercy · 30/05/2006 18:52

Custardo, maybe he thought you were going to 'look after' him like this all day; you took him to work, you drove him home again, you did knitting with children - all very cosy housewifey stuff.

I find dh can be like this at times, wants cossetting. Once in a blue moon yes, but tough shit normally.

ScummyMummy · 30/05/2006 19:02

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAngryAngryAngryAngryat Mr Custardo who sounds uncannily like Mr Scumster in some ways. I think you have two choices- wait for it all to blow over or, my preference, stick your knitting needles into his eyeballs. He's a lucky man if you choose the former. Lots of love to you my darling. Hope things feel lots better soon. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hoopoe · 30/05/2006 19:11

ooo wish my mum had taught me to knit. carry on teaching kids, praise ds for wonderful wonderful meal he's cooked you. say things like 'gosh is so fantastic to have wonderful boy cook lovely meal. lucky me. so nice to not have to cook for a change...'. sigh. be seeeuuupurmum and pointedly ignore dh. then take yourself snivelling off to a&e and spend a few hours there before dragging yourself back home and flop into bed. or perhaps watch lost, then flop into bed.

Original poster
Tortington · 30/05/2006 19:37

aww ta - feel better still not speaking to shit fer brains. but feel ok about it. ...right o am off to swear profusly on some thread or other.

dont tell rhubarb am knitting!

OP posts:
fattiemumma · 30/05/2006 19:49

lazy git!

im defo in agreement with hoopoe.
ignore nob head and make fuss of the kids.

then go have nice bubble bath and ease poor aching limb

Piffle · 30/05/2006 19:54

agree with the emptying of the wine bottle

Then club your dh with it

Original poster
Tortington · 30/05/2006 19:59

he made me do it \link{http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=8426959539\dont piss me off when i am about to list an item on ebay stupid bastard}

OP posts:
Original poster
Tortington · 30/05/2006 20:00

dont get mad get even. ha haa haa

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 30/05/2006 20:02
Grin
Pixiefish · 30/05/2006 20:04

LOVE the advert custardo

Rhubarb · 30/05/2006 20:10

YOU'RE KNITTING! LOL! ROFL! PMSL!
You closet mc! Grin

At least your dh didn't say that you were turning into your mother! (did he?)

Piffle · 30/05/2006 20:13

LOLOLOL @ Custy quality post petal, total quality!

sugarfree · 30/05/2006 20:16

Omg!That's brilliant.Class!