why when you get married it is not the same?

[pipsqueakz]

This is just it! Hardly get a hug or kiss anymore :( very worried and low :(

How long have you been married?

Just over six months but been together five years its bad isn't it.

It does not have to be that way, but you do need to work at a marriage.

I would certainly hope for better after such a short time.

Its been difficult he has a chronic illness and depression maybe I'm being too harsh but I feel like just his carer and not his wife. I love him dearly don't get me wrong but feel I'm loosing him obsessed with Facebook won't spend time alone with me then when he does he sits in silence doesn't want to make conversation. I feel a little useless.

If you weren't married, but living together wwyd?

I don't know

Smallchanges I'd probably lock myself away and cry then try again.

I have noticed that some couples who have lived together a long time decide to marry because 'something' needs to change. The wedding preparation etc is exciting and distracting so does liven up a relationship. But after the wedding it is back to how it was before but with added disappointment that wedded bliss isn't a given.

Were you really happy together before the engagement OP?

Yes it was a happily ever after thing he made me feel safe, loved, happy etc. I feel old lonely and ugly :(

I think there are some people who really do think that once you are married its game over and they don't have to try any more.

You have to talk to him OP and tell him how upset you are. 6 months in and you really should be in your honeymoon period

You need to talk to him OP. Good luck xx

I know just don't know how to approach him I'm so upset but frustrated I don't wanna argue with him I don't wanna make his depression worse but I can't go on like this

We didn't even have a honeymoon. He's been too I'll. And doesn't want to go anywhere.

You must talk to him. Then you can decide what to do.

I'll = ill sorry for typo

It doesn't sound enjoyable.

Working on a marriage is not solely the preserve of the woman. Does your DH recognise that there is a problem? What's he doing to address you needs/the relationship problems?

He is oblivious to it. I have mentioned I feel low and detached but just seem to get is a sympathy vote, and apparently sex fixes the problem so it seems. If I try make myself better if hair cut or make up or new clothes I get s reaction but its a negative one :(

He's on the antidepressants his sex drive is fine there is just no link there I miss my husband he's not the man he used to be. Its like I'm married to a stranger no matter what I do to try support him.

Hi Pip, sorry to read this and sorry to hear your DH isn't well. Someone upthread mentioned about he excitement of the wedding plans etc and that is a good point. Also sometimes people don't always realise that they still have to 'try' even tho they're married. You don't get a sprinkling of magic dust when you say 'I do' that instantly makes you happy ever after

What would concern me more would be his obsession with FB. I'd be looking at exactly who the obsession was with, rather than FB in general....

If he's depressed then I can understand that loosing yourself in an online world takes the pain away for a short time. Prob doesn't help long term tho.... However I'd be making sure it wasn't someone else taking his pain away.

I know that when our first child was born my H seemed to 'split' and from that day forward I was 'mother and housewife' and ceased to be a real person again.

That stupid Catholic madonna/whore thing.

Wellwobbly that's how it feels here :(
Well spoke to him again last night he agreed where distant from each other. He says its not me and not to be silly. His illness and the depression are taking over it feels. And he doesn't know how to cope. U told him he doesn't need to cope on his own. I have always and will always support him to the best of my ability. Just hope its enough. The chronic pain he gets from his other illness is really getting him down. I feel so selfish that I put myself first but I have always been second when it comes to kids and him. I make sure they don't go without and that they are all OK. He has agreed to a referral for s chronic pain clinic appointment maybe if he can cope in his own way with pain it may alleviate his depression. I'm scared that the pressure is gonna pull me down if we don't get something sorted soon.

obsessed with Facebook won't spend time alone with me

Who is obsessed with FB OP, you or him?

So, not to be totally unfeeling about his pain/possible depression etc, but we've totally ruled out him being a self-obsessed arse have we?