Hubby says he's going

[Bobette1]

So hubby has today lost his rag and says he's leaving. Says I need to look for a new house and tell him how much I want a month from him. He's looking for a new house. He's calling me and and the kids "you f@@@ers". He's totally uninterested in them today and says he will cut them off, he's had enough.
This has been brewing, but I thought I was doing ok at keeping things on track. I think the basic issue is he cant handle the constant demands of three kids (aged 5 and under). :(. I also went out Friday night for the first time in months. I'm sure he thinks I'm up to no good (which I'm certainly not, can't think of anything worse). I've lost baby weight recently and have bought much needed new clothes. I've done it for me and him. Not sure he believes me!!!!
He does work v hard for us (out many hrs each day and takes on all pressure of income). he wants down time. Thinks there is no respect for him in the house. My view is I don't actually stand up to him enough and am wary of suggesting days out/seeing friends etc as he will always say no, although its v dependent on his mood. One of the kids is v demanding, anther doesn't sleep brilliantly, the other is quietly starting to challenge us. Strangely enough I get no down time either.
Not really sure what I want from this post. I can get stiff upper lip and get on with the stuff between us (as much as i dont want to and despite the lost plans, hopes etc), but cutting the kids off?? Seriously....
I guess the first question is how do I retrieve this????? I fear once his mind up, that is it.

Do you want this relationship to work?

Personally, if anyone described my child as a little fucker, I wouldn't want to live with them. If anyone described his own child in that way I'd think he was a knob of the highest order.

You might find that the children improve a hell of a lot if this man wasn't living with them.

He sounds vile and that you'd be better off without him.

Let him go. Then get legal advice. Get copies of all financial info you can before he goes.

There is a strong chance if he goes quickly that he has an OW.

If not, by letting him go and getting on with your life, there is the strongest chance that he will end up begging to come back.

Btw the chances are you will keep the house if you want, at least until the youngest is 18. So do get legal advice.

You can get through this.

And you want to save this because.......?

I'm failing to see a reason!

Let him go and celebrate.

I mean let him go and you celebrate.

As an objective person reading about what sounds like a nasty bloke offering you a life raft to get rid of him with the minimum of fuss, my reaction was 'hooray!'

I don't expect you to feel like that though. Presumably you love him for reasons which are as yet unclear?

What does he mean by 'respect'? Because a lot of very dick-ish men wrap this round a demand for respect as the 'man of the house' or 'the breadwinner'. I assume you call bullshit on that sort of sexism?

Let him go (he doesn't sound like much of a a positive in your life). Make him fight for the right to have a few minutes with your dc.

You had a night out and got up to no good. Well congrats sister because you soon will be able to get up to as much as you like.
Fuck him. Help him pack he sounds like a bloody child.

Go pack put in black binbags his stuff.

It does seem you and the children will be better off.

Are you even 100% sure he's working all those hours?

Call his bluff, tell him to leave and that you will be consulting a solicitor about division of assets and maintenance, but that you expect to stay in family home with DC until a full settlement is in place.

Either he really does want to leave, so you may as well get on with it.

Or he doesn't. In which case he might just see what he stands to lose, and that you will not submit to his tantrums, and perhaps Start looking at guiding a healthy relationship.

Some time apart might help to clarify what sort of future you really want too.

No matter how stressed we get with our kids and we all know how stressed we can be...It is totally unforgiveable to say what he has said. Your kids are part of you, they are your responsibility. You can't just walk out on them and never see them again because you are tired and stressed. Personally, if my DH had said this about my kid I would never be able to look at him the same again or trust him as a parent, feeling the family has to tread on eggshells incase daddy wants to have a tantrum and leave.
Tell him if he wants to leave then leave. If I heard my dad saying those things whilst I was growing up I would remember it the rest of my life and I wouldn't like him very much.
It is unfair to you also, he is basicly implying the kids are getting on my nerves I can't take anymore therefore I am going to leave and you can bring them up.
Disgusting.

I fear you are all right :(
He's practically ignored the kids again this morning. Oldest notices.
Really don't want to be a single parent.
Really don't want the kids to be treated like this.

It's not that bad being a single parent, really it's not. It a lot easier and more enjoyable than having to tread on eggshells making sure the kids 'don't disturb daddy' and trying to pacify him like an overgrown toddler.

You and your dcs will be much happier without him.

'He says I must look for a new house' - er, no, he's the one who leaves. Of course you don't want to be a single parent to 3 lively children - but it looks like that's what's about to happen, so better start preparing. Do you carry most of the load now anyway? Are there any bits of childcare that you rely on him for, and if so what alternative arrangements can you make? Get a free half hour of legal advice/talk to CAB and get the information you need to take this by the horns and drive it.

Its bloody hard with little ones around. For both parents, it is a huge change.

Has this behaviour from OH just started? Or has it always been like this, but you just tip toed around him?

If former, then Id be asking questions and urging him to see a Dr. If latter, boot his arse out and let him have his down time.

Single parent is hard, nobody will say it isnt, but its a damn sight nicer than treading on eggshells continually. Your nerves must be shattered.

Oh, and give careful thought to how you frame the reason you give DCs for why Daddy is leaving. Whatever his shortcomings and inadequacies, he is their dad and they (like you) would have rather he stayed and was nicer. It will be damaging for them to feel that, if they'd been 'better children' he might not have left.

Nothing wrong with being a single parent! He's ignoring the kids.....

He calls his children "you fuckers" and you still want to be with him? Ask what you can do? He has offered you a lifeline take it

IMO when you are living with a man like this you already are a single parent. What parenting does he actually do? what does he bring to your relationship, to his children?

I think you will all be happier if he isn't living with you.

On the behaviour front, I've recently done a course called the Incredible Years. It's worth checking it out if its offered in your area as on your own or not, it will give you some really valuable tools for communication, improving relationships, dealing with conflict, being happier. We've gone from a family with a lot of conflict and stress to one where the kids hug and kiss each other spontaneously, tell each other 'you're amazing' etc. It really is a great course if you're struggling with behavioural problems.

Could it be stress ? if he's the main bread winner knackered from waking n the pressure to put food on the table with no outlet not even half n hour to himself could he just be pissed orf ?

Rather then just leave him post thought I might suggest an alternative
Also if he's been going to work n you've managed to shop for yourself n lose the weight is he seeing that as having time for yourself time he doesn't have ?

Just a thought you don't mention Love at all ?

boutique Losing weight isn't exactly a fun hobby and once you've lost weight you need clothes that fit or you look daft. I really doubt the OP is spending hours shopping when she is SAHM to three under 3s.

Theboutique - are you being serious? The poor little man having to go out to work and then come home to three demanding children? Are you suggesting that the OP should have the children bathed and ready for bed, playing nicely ready to be presented to their oh so hard working father, AFTER he has had his pipe, slippers and a read of the daily mail?

How DARE the op buy herself some new clothes and even have time to THINK about losing weight, you know, she probably lost weight running around after the children!

Do you even have kids?

Thanks all. I'm taking it all in...
He does v little childcare.
He really does work blimin hard, commuting, stressful job and then has to study as well. Always having to look for new work so lots of uncertainty as to where the next money will come from. So stress is a big issue. I'm now a SAHM. I try to do everything at home to make it easier, but there are not enough hours in the day. the house is far from organised, clean and tidy.
The shopping has all been Internet based. The weight loss is partly from never sitting down! We both exercise though, him more than me. But he is struggling to keep weight off so isn't impressed I'm losing more.
I do love him. Not that I like his behaviour right now. I will check out the incredible years.