Is this a bad idea? I cant decide.

[IDeserveBetter]

My dp moved out last week. Things were very strained and he treated me like crap or was just a moody bastard when he wasn't smoking weed. He has alot of issues that I was willing to support him with if he wanted to sort them out but he decided to leave instead. last thread here

I feel I'm coping well on my own but I feel sad that we cant be a family. He came to visit dd and we had a talk. He said he realises that he's been treating me badly but cant see it while its happening. He acknowledges that he needs therapy to work out why he feels the need to smoke weed to function or be happy (hes said this all before though with no action)

I told him hes not welcome back into this house or relationship until he can prove that hes changing - no weed, starting therapy, more proactive. I think I would be a complete idiot to let him back in just like that. If he wants a family life he needs to prove it long term.

Hes suggested we spend some days as a family and also go on 'dates' with just us as we never 'dated'.

Part of me thinks 'why not' I can keep an eye on if hes making positive steps, I can see if I actually still like spending time with him when its just us, and it keeps things civil.

Another part of me wonders if its just prolonging things if hes not going to try and work on his problems. Plus I'm still left here on my own to do all the parenting while hes got no responsibilities. Also, how am I supposed to know hes going to do anything such as stepping up to help more with housework and parenting without him being here to do that.

Please give me some opinions and advice. I'm supposed to be going out with him for the first time since dd's been born tomorrow.

Not a good idea.

He wants to keep his foot in the door and as for the therapy etc, that's for him to do in his own time, you need to concentrate on you and process how utterly appallingly he treated you, hopefully giving you the time to realise you don't need him in your life at all.

Not a good idea. You need a complete break from this person before you can really appreciate what you have rather than longing for what you thought you had. He also needs to know that it's all or nothing.... not, as said above, keeping the door open enjoying all the benefits of being part of a family when it suits him and not taking any of the responsibilities.

This.... He said he realises that he's been treating me badly but cant see it while its happening. .... is a completely bullshit excuse of the 'I can't help myself' variety. Someone who says this is not going to change and, in your shoes, I would plan your new independent life factoring him out.