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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

ouch! that really hurts. (tmi, be warned)...

35 replies

owww · 29/05/2006 19:23

Of course, I've changed my name for this. I was wondering when sex becomes less painful after the birth? My dc is a few monthes now and tried it with dp last week and it was painful. Didn't really get into it (tmi, sorry ), it felt like i was having an internal examination . Um, if that isn't painful for you, it feels like my cervix is being forced open .

I wouldn't really have bothered posting, but for the fact that dp was my first (and I his). It was really painful first couple of nights. Midwife had asked me if i was experiencing any pains whilst i was pregnant and said no because i find it is too, too embarrasing to admit. It's not always painful, it is alway painful from the back (vagina not anas) though. I don't think it is vaginism (sp) as it's not always bad and don't really know much about painful sex. I only found out about vaginism a couple of monthes ago from here.

Right now all I want to know is that it will stop, and the back bit does it always hurt?

OP posts:

Original poster

owww · 29/05/2006 19:28

Perhaps I should have posted this under health?

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TheMammy · 29/05/2006 19:29

Did you have stitches?

Original poster

owww · 29/05/2006 19:32

Yes, i did.But I thought it would be alright now.

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TheMammy · 29/05/2006 19:35

My dd was 3 and I was still having pain during sex. Is it sore where the cut/rip would have been, or is it deep inside? Sorry, just wondering. I was sore where the epesiotomy was, it was the scar that was being rubbed, was worse when we used condoms. We got round it by just using plently of lubrication. When I had my ds 17months ago I had an epesiotomy again but the mid-wife stitched it better than the first one and sex isn't painful this time.

lou33 · 29/05/2006 19:43

it might be the way you were stitched, i had trouble having pain free sex after my first one for quite a while after

Original poster

owww · 29/05/2006 19:54

Oh dear, yes it is the place I think was stitched ( when we try from the back) but it was inside that hurt last week (it is also the first time since the birth that we did anything). But trying from the back has always hurt, so I'm confused. I can't really blame that on the stitches.

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Original poster

owww · 29/05/2006 19:58

I've read something about painful sex having something to do with some STD so kinda worried. I haven't had a smear and know i should but since last week.... It really seems like my womb/cervix is rather low. Seemed to go up when I got pregnant, but down again now that I've given birth.

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Hoopoe · 29/05/2006 20:00

I think you should have it checked out by a gynae. Horrible, but worth it if there is a problem

Jessajam · 29/05/2006 20:05

ok, if it is always painful from the back...try tilting your hips to find an angle where it doesn't hurt
You may also need to r-e-l-a-x . If you are too 'tense' it can be uncomfortable - whatever position you're in. Tell dp he needs to be gentle and you may find you need more foreplay than before to get you 'ready' for penetration ...

Xavielli · 29/05/2006 20:07

It hurt me right up until 6 months after Ds was born more inside than out and I had no stitches. ( When the pain went me and DP went on a bit of a mad one, thus DD )

Your doctor should not be able to feel your uterus really after about 6 weeks after the birth

yomellamoHelly · 29/05/2006 20:09

Had the same for 9 months or so after ds. I'd have to take paracaetomol after and could barely walk and for the first 4 months would also bleed.
Went to doctor who examined me and said I had a lot of scar tissue and offered a referral since after 6 months it wasn't meant to get any better.
After the horror of my 20 stitches I couldn't face it. It did eventually calm down/go away.

Original poster

owww · 29/05/2006 20:18

Yomell, that sounds awful, glad it has eased.
Jessa, I know about relaxing, I am always tense as I'm thinking it will hurt.Yep, noticed (before the birth) that foreplay made everything easier . This time was wayyyyyyy too scared to go along. I don't think i have the guts to go to the doc's. I wouldn't even let them check me when i was in labour.
What lubrications are there I can use? I'm extremely sensitive and don't want anyting that will irritate me. I'm afraid of infecting the wound even tho I'm almost positive it has healed.

Thanks everyone who replied

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Original poster

owww · 29/05/2006 20:21

You could barely feel my uterus after 2 weeks, xavielli. I just think it's quite low down as if it's ready to conceive (that's the way it seems in my mind)

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gingernut · 29/05/2006 20:24

KY liquid is good (although I can't guarantee you won't be sensitive to it!).

TheMammy · 29/05/2006 20:24

Have you been looked at by a midwife at all? Even if she just looked (without touching you) she would be able to tell if your wound has healed. As for lubrication, I would recommend some called ID. It is about the only one that doesn't dry up when on a while (cos we all know it can take a while, eh girls )

Also, have you had your post natal smear yet? I haven't had mine and DS is 17months I will do it sometime soon..

Also, may be totally losing the plot here, but did you have a very quick labour? My SIL had an extremely quick labour and had awful problems with intercourse afterwards, she ended up going in for a D&C. (not that I'm saying this will happen to you, just another take on the subject)

Original poster

owww · 29/05/2006 20:31

No, themammy, i did't let the doc/midwives have look . Didn't want anyone to touch me (includind dp). And I've never had a smear, I thought the gp would make a fuss like the health visitor (pretended to write in my report to get it done as i wouldn't volunterely go and do it). But she was murmuring to herself as she was putting things on the computer and sounded like she said, '...smear, alright....' when she didn't even ask/consult with me. (Mind you it saved me having to argue with her).

Yes, I think it was fairly quick, or it seemed like that.

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Original poster

owww · 29/05/2006 20:32

What's D&C?

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sugarfree · 29/05/2006 20:41

\link{http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/curettage.htm\D&C}

Honey,you really need to trust someone to take a look for you.
I'm a little concerned about you're description of everything feeling 'lower' too.
Have you had a look/feel down there yourself.Would you be able to relax enough to do that?In the bath maybe?

sugarfree · 29/05/2006 20:43

I'm not going to start nagging about getting a smear done til you get this problem sorted first,'k?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/05/2006 20:49

D & C is dilation and curretage. It is becoming increasingly unpopular and is often dismissed as diagnostically inaccurate and therpeutically ineffective. Its a procedure used to investigate and treat heavy painful periods.

Would get this problem medically looked at - it may be scar tissue causing all this to arise. Another possible cause could be endometriosis particularly if sex has always been painful.

Do not therefore let potential embarrassment stop you from getting this problem looked at. These people have seen all sorts of bits before and they will not be shocked to see yours!.

I will always remember meeting a lady with her child a year after giving birth; she was poorly stitched up and ended up with no end of problems as a result. She left it too late for any really effective treatment to be carried out although they were able to use ultrasound. Do not leave this indefinately because it will not go away completely.

Jasnem · 29/05/2006 21:16

Owww,
I've only had sex in the last week since I had ds (3 months ago), and it was painful. I saw the nurse at fp clinic first, and she checked my scar. Although it has healed, the nerves take longer to reconnect, which has caused some of the pain. She also gave me some lubricating jelly which made a big difference (couldn't do it without atm, but knowing I had it helped me relax)
I'd try and get looked at if you can (without being physically examined if you're still anxious). Good luck.

Xavielli · 29/05/2006 21:58

Yep thats the plan!! my midwife was suprised at how quickly mine went back to normal, I wasnt because of the horendous after pains!!

WestCountryLass · 29/05/2006 22:18

Perhaps doign ti rear entry is too deep for you? Maybe try woman on top either facing your OH or facing away snd you can then find a position that is comfortable for you?

I agree, realax, have a glass of wine or two!

fattiemumma · 30/05/2006 01:18

do you think that the fact you weren't really into it had an impact? i mean if your not really in the mood its less comfy at the best of times, but soon after a birth where tings are still a little swollen or sore its going to be worse.

i agree that maybe you shoud try again after a nice romantic night and a few glases of wine to relax you. and also try in different positions. rear entry allows a much deeper penetration and this could be uncomfortable for many reasons.

you can always tell DH that he is just too big for that position, im sure it'll ease the blow

TheMammy · 30/05/2006 11:05

I haven't done it from behind from we had DS It's an awkward position and it hurts like hell. Most of the time we do it, I am on top facing Dh. So predictable

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