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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He cheated...

50 replies

PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:11

To cut a long story short, DH and I have 2 beautiful babies together. Been having problems recently but he said he wanted us to reconcile and go to counselling together. I agreed as I would not want a divorce unless in extreme circumstances which i did not deem to be the case currently.

It was my birthday last week. I told him I wanted space so he went out whilst I stayed in and put kids to bed. I assumed he was going to his parents house. Found out last night (he confessed) that he cheated on me in his car with some random girl he has been chatting to whilst we have been having problems. On my birthday!! Not that it makes much of a difference to me but he said he did not sleep with her, she just gave him a b*w jb (sorry to be graphic). how disgusting. I kicked him out but I feel totally gutted. He has totally betrayed me and destroyed our family :( I never ever thought he would be capable of doing this to me. I think I am going to be filing for divorce but really needed to vent...

OP posts:
ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 10/06/2013 20:16

Am so sorry. He sounds really awful.

she just gave him a b..w j.b

There is no 'just' about it.

RiotsNotDiets · 10/06/2013 20:18

agree with Scarlet oral sex is sex as far as I am concerned. And tbh, the 'chatting' would be cheating enough for me.

Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:20

Yes I found out about the "chatting" and told him it was unacceptable. Did not speak for almost a week, then it was my birthday, asked for space and he did this!! Makes me sick to even think of it. He was so open about it. What the hell?! Sorry, struggling to understand this right now
:(

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:21

When he t

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:23

Oops sorry!
When he told me about the chatting thing I said I did not know if I wanted to stay with him as I felt so betrayed at that!! THEN he went and did this. Shocking. He said that he did it because I switched off from him emotionally...

OP posts:
chaosagain · 10/06/2013 20:29

So he's making out it's your fault. Charming. And typical of a cheater. Unoriginal as well as cheap and sordid, he sounds like you may be well shot of him..

So sorry you're going through this. The way he's treated you is so unkind. (holds hand)

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 10/06/2013 20:31

I could never, ever forgive that. How disgusting.

Stay strong x

Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:32

Thank you everyone. And thank u for being so nice chaos. He has let me down so badly and it is as if he really wanted to hurt me as he chose my birthday of all days and was so frank about it. How nasty and disgusting. I feel like he is a different person, such a sleaze. And we have two beautiful little children together. Our family is ruined, gone, just like that.

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Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:32

Thank you lionheart x

OP posts:
ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 10/06/2013 20:33

This doesn't sound as though it has the makings of a decent, loving relationship. Sorry PP.

The fact that when you were having problems he has been spending time with this OW does not demonstrate him putting in the effort to repair your marriage, even if counselling and reconciling was his idea.

You say you think you will file for divorce, so you can start taking those steps, and perhaps that will feel like taking some control of the situation. You don't need to delay while you think if it is the right thing to do. Just start. Then you can always change your mind later if you want to. But get the ball rolling, find out what to do, get solicitor's advice etc. It will give you back some power, which might help you get through this.

So sorry for the shock you must be feeling.

ITCouldBeWorse · 10/06/2013 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:38

Thanks Scarlet. You are totally right. What a creep. To top it off, when he told me last night, I stayed really calm and told him I wasn't interested in hearing any more and he should leave, he turned round and told me that if I told him I was prepared to take him back he would stop chatting to other women, change his number and not cheat again!! Ha. Lucky me! What a fool.
Yes I am a divorce lawyer myself (!) and have done the paperwork, just needs filing at court. My poor babies. They adore him :(

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:40

Thanks ITCouldbeworse. What a douche

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 10/06/2013 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TurnipCake · 10/06/2013 20:41

What a horrible thing to find out and in such a horrible way. We're here for you

Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:42

Lol yes he is just too unintell

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Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:44

Ahh sorry I don't know why I keep doing that!

Yes itcouldbeworse he is just too unintelligent and too much of moron to behave himself clearly.

I am so annoyed.

Thanks for the support turnip cake

OP posts:
ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 10/06/2013 20:48

No, your family is not ruined, don't think that. You and your babies will always be a family Thanks

And he will probably always be a nasty, sleazy piece of work. How dare he try and blame you for 'making' him get some OW to give him a blow job Angry

If this is his idea of a reconciliation approach... well, it's just ridiculous.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 10/06/2013 20:53

Your children will be fine. You will make sure of it. He will still be their father, and let's hope he makes a better job of that then he has of being a husband.

Not writing fast enough, so keep having to backtrack... but am SHOCKED at this: if I told him I was prepared to take him back he would stop chatting to other women, change his number and not cheat again!!

What a complete and utter wanker!

Just get rid. am delighted to hear you are a divorce lawyer, ace!

Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:54

You're right scarlet. Thank you. I have my babies and am so lucky for that. They are so tiny and trusting. They love him to bits. It is one thing doing this to me - I will cope. But them? unforgivable. I could never trust him now.

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Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 20:55

:) thank you scarlet x

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toffeelolly · 10/06/2013 21:03

So sorry pinkplum, you have your lovely babies, and we are all here for you when you need to chat. So sorry, ( hugs).

thecook · 10/06/2013 21:04

The dirty bastard. Excuse my crude language OP. I say what I think.

You look after yourself and those babies of yours. Good luck lovey.

Original poster
PinkPlum · 10/06/2013 21:08

Thanks guys :)

So annoyed. Been with this guy a long time. Have just turned 29, gave up a great job (my salary was more than double his) to raise our babies as he wanted to focus on his career. Thoroughly pissed off at this massive douche

OP posts:
familyscapegoat · 10/06/2013 22:24

I should think his relationship with this person was a significant cause of the difficulties you've been facing recently. Can you get your old job back or keep your hand in, professionally until you can return to FT work?