DP and I have been together for 6 years, married for 3, we have a DS who is 9 months old.
DS is a pretty bad sleeper. There are a few reasons for his bad sleeping including reflux and I think he also has IBS. We're working on how to improve this.
DP and I agreed when I was pregnant that I would do all the nights (between 11pm and 6.30am) as DP works pretty hard. When we agreed this, I had no idea how hard the nights were going to be and how tired I would get. A few months ago we went on holiday (borrowed a friend's house in the UK) and DS would not sleep in a cot at all - he would only sleep on me. I had a complete meltdown after two nights of about 1 hour's sleep and sat sobbing on the floor at the thought of a third night.
DP refused to help on the basis that the usual method of settling (DP uses an exercise ball to bounce on to settle DS) wasn't available. Eventually I rang my mum and she suggested a helpful way of creating a 'bed' that DS was happy enough to sleep as 'well' as usual in. Our holiday continued.
DS' sleep has recently improved to usually only 2-3 wakes between 11pm and 6.30am (he goes to bed at 7pm but often wakes 2-3 times before 11pm). He's EBF at night and feeds twice between 7pm and 7am. Because of this, I feel I can manage ok with the amount of sleep I am getting and DP not helping doesn't matter.
The last few night though he's been all over the place again with being ill and teething so I have been knackered. Last night he woke at 11.10pm and I asked DP to settle him. DP refused because we were already in bed (DP really doesn't like having to get out of bed once in) and it was after 11pm so my 'turn'. DP knows that I will always go after a few minutes because I won't leave DS to cry (plus the more awake DS gets the longer it will take to settle him).
Anyway, that is all backstory. The reason I am posting in Relationships is that I have never got over DP's flat refusal to help. DP is very 'nice' about it, gives me a cuddle and sympathises, but absolutely refuses to actually DO anything. I feel that there has been a fundamental shift in our relationship and I have lost the trust I used to have in DP. I have tried to explain to DP but I don't feel I am taken seriously because nothign changes.
Am I being unreasonable to expect help with the nights on ocassion? What do other people's DP/DHs do?
Sorry this is so long!