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Original poster

is it love

39 replies

kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 13:40

i think I have fallen in love with this guy ive been seeing and it scares me to death.
he supportive, very kind to me we have a laugh , enjoy same stuff, met his mates and apperetly they like me . even last night when I was meant to be getting my few things bck from ex and he didn't show up the new bloke was so supportive.
he affectionate in public and not pervy at all and well after an intial false start the sex is good, getting better each time as we know each other but im finding it harder and harder o leve him in the mornings, I don't know if I should say anything to him .

we talk about a future together as well my only doubts is 1 he is still married but wil be divorcing next year and he smokes weed but he goes outside and was honest from outset.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 02/06/2013 13:44

Firstly, if he is still married, then that's your first red flag. Does his wife know they are divorcing?

Secondly, how long have you been seeing him?

Thirdly, the weed would be a deal breaker for me.

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 13:46

his wife left him over 4 years ago after she cheated , been seeing him 2 months.

OP posts:
happyAvocado · 02/06/2013 13:48

why can't he divorce this year?

weed would be my deal breaker

why you are making big point of being liked by his mates?

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 13:49

coz he doesn't know where she is any more, coz my ex friends didn't like me and that always caused issues

OP posts:
scaevola · 02/06/2013 13:50

It's only two months.

Yes, you can decide it's promising, yes you can be very much in lust. But no, this is early days and there is still a lot you don't know about him.

No hurry.

The weed would be a deal breaker for me too, though.

happyAvocado · 02/06/2013 13:55

re:divorce - has he started the whole procedure?

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 13:56

to me its on small fault

OP posts:
A1980 · 02/06/2013 13:58

If you have to ask you probably aren't in.love

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 14:00

well last one I thought I loved shattered my heart by being a pig

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 02/06/2013 14:12

It might be love OP.Smile
Or
It might be the strong cocktail of chemical reactions that occur when we are in love. Please enjoy this while it lasts, but be aware that it is a kind of madness that negatively impacts our ability to apply logic during the decision making process. So don't make any life changing decisions until it passes and balance is once again restored.

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 14:34

I am holding back as I know in a previou relationship within a month of it become sexual we were together most nights and we never did fun things .

OP posts:
badinage · 02/06/2013 16:07

No not love.

Probably not even 'in love'.

Infatuation probably.

But Dione is right about not making any decisions.

Infatuation can blind you to lots of things that your rational self would baulk at.

Like drug addiction.

And not being compatible in the sack.

And saying he'll be divorcing his wife next year, but in the next breath saying that he doesn't know where she is. As if the passage of another year is going to yield her whereabouts, yet the previous four haven't achieved that feat.

Has he got any children and if so, does he see them often and pay for 50% of their living costs?

DoingItForMyself · 02/06/2013 16:13

Badinage you can divorce for desertion after 5 years without the consent of the other person so that would make a difference.

I'd say, if you have to ask, then it isn't love but then I thought I loved my DP after about half an hour, so what do I know?!

Another one to say that the weed would be a big no-no if you don't partake too - even if he goes outside, its the effects (including potentially the initial bedroom issues) that you'll be stuck with, not just the smell.

blueshoes · 02/06/2013 16:14

Red flags. Not a keeper unless you like the drama.

badinage · 02/06/2013 16:16

I realise that, but it's so easy to trace people these days. The main issue seems to be about locating this woman to serve papers on her, not her consent to a divorce.

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 16:17

after 5 ears you can divorce without the wife/ husbands consent.
no no children , she didn't want any more she has a kid rom a previous relationship.
I knew about the weed from the irst moment I spoke to him so wasn't blinded by anything.
the sex thing is no longer an issue yes we had a few problems when 1st tried to but that has resolved .
he is very kind in that department and it is not something id hav rushed into afte my ex hurt me both physicaly and emotionally when we had sex

OP posts:
badinage · 02/06/2013 16:26

Just give it time then.

I've never met a weed addict who wasn't a self-absorbed loser who put the addiction before everything else, so I'd never in a million years get involved with one especially if I had children.

And I can't help noticing on here how many women try to persuade themselves that bad or mediocre sex is good, or even if it it's patently awful, that it doesn't matter.

But that's me and you're you.

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 16:31

the sex isn't crap far from it admittedly to start with it was disappointing but think it took time to relax on my behalf as well.

nope from the start he has put m,e first I needed to study for an exam when I was at his and he stayed in wth me made me gallons of tea and even helped me by testing me.

OP posts:
badinage · 02/06/2013 16:57

So if him still being married is okay with you and you don't mind weed addiction, why the doubts about those things?

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 17:12

he is separated there is a difference , I wanted opinions I never said it was doubts if id had doubts id not have told my family about him.

I have lived a sort of sheltred life but I am no fool I was basically asking if people thought it was too soon to be in love

OP posts:
badinage · 02/06/2013 17:18

Not to be pedantic but you said this:

we talk about a future together as well my only doubts is 1 he is still married but wil be divorcing next year and he smokes weed.

So I was responding to what you said yourself Confused

My opinion is that after 2 months, this is an infatuation and not love.

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 17:20

ok, it prob wont last any way non of my relationships / friendships do

OP posts:
blueshoes · 02/06/2013 17:21

It is a crush. You have not described anything of his actions that shows he made any special effort apart from being superficially nice. It is par for the course of early days to be treated like that.

If I were you, I would keep my feelings in check. He has a bit of proving to do.

badinage · 02/06/2013 17:22

Why is that?

Original poster
kittykat10 · 02/06/2013 17:27

last bf dumped me 3 weeks after saying he wanted me n him to live together prior to that id ben in a long istance friendship but he decided my good friend was a better option and I don't have any like girl friends I have people I text but hardly ever see them.
im no kid who cant be on there own ill admit it lovely being as part of a couple but when you don't have a proper bf till your in your 30s your used to being alone

OP posts:
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