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Original poster

Strange goings on!

34 replies

Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 20:47

I know it's not anything gravely serious, but just wanted to write it down/rant anyways! So here goes

Had a bit of a pants time with ex and decided I should try and put myself back out there almost 6 months on. Anyways, I decide to give Guardian Soulmates a try.

I get chatting to a seemingly nice bloke- a bit older- but nice. Intelligent conversation flows on email and be seems genuinely interested. Nice enough looking, but not gorgeous.

Fast forward a months worth of constant emails and we take the plunge to meet. I like him although I am aware he's a good bit older, and perhaps obvious. He's very keen, flattering me and touches my leg at one point. It wasnt in a creepy way, either.

We leave after having dinner and sodas and a very polite peck on the lips, and a text to thank me.

We continue emailing. Fast forward a week and am in his hometown on personal business and agree to meet him the following day for lunch.

I meet him and we have what I think a lovely after ion. Laughed lots, he flatters me again, seems miffed that I don't sit next to him and choose opposite etc. am beginning to think , ok maybe you and I can get on. We end the date by him kissing me again and asking to hug me, all very nice really.

Bit of a stealth boost here, but I did think that I was perhaps slightly better looking (!) can I say that? And obviously younger, anyway , that's irrelevant until the next bit;

Yesterday comes and yesterday goes. We email as usual, but less frequent and i notice it's all very one sided which is quite out of character for him, or so I think. I ask is everything ok, and he says he's not feeling well (diabetic)

This morning was almost over and I hadn't heard which too was odd, I'd always wait for him to mail first. I politely asked how he was and was met with get another half assed reply. At dinner time I decide to ask him if he can call me. I get a curt reply saying he's out - unusual.

I reply saying what is really wrong and then bam

It's just that whilst he genuinely likes me he doesn't find me attractive enough !! - am really not Unattractive and a bit shocked by the rudeness, immaturity and utter ungentlemanliness (I made that word up!) of it all!

I reply and say ok. I felt it lacked manners but accepted that. Then he reiterates it again!!!

Am now in the bath feeling ugly, frankly!

As if my confidence wasnt bust enough already. Thoughts?!?!?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 20:48

Seems a bit pathetic when written down now!!!

OP posts:
Cyb · 28/05/2013 20:50

You didn't find him particularly attractive but didn't tell him. He did tell you. Whilst his manners might be lacking, did you think this was going anywhere? You said the fact you thought you were better looking is irrelevant, it's not, hang onto that when you feel crap

Fairylea · 28/05/2013 20:52

It's a shame it wasn't mutual and he was quite rude to be so blunt. There are better ways to cut something off. However, even if he was being honest don't feel ugly! I'm sure you're lovely and you know beauty is all in the eye of the beholder. Everyone fancies someone different!

As a suggestion for next time though ... don't wait so long before meeting someone. Exchange a few messages, meet for a non commitall afternoon coffee somewhere public and go from there. Easy to leave quickly if it's awful and if it goes well arrange a proper date.

I met my dh on plenty of fish and that's how we did it. :)

Don't give up on the basis of one arse.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 20:52

I know. I know.

Am just miffed as I thought he was ok and totally grew on me on Sunday and then he said that.

It would just be nice for someone to want me for me again!

OP posts:
Doha · 28/05/2013 20:52

Text/email this to him then delete his number/email

"well honey you are no oil painting but l was prepared to give you the beneit of the doubt and see if your personality made up for your lack of good lookshowever unfortunatly it hasnt. you are a minger both on the inside and outside. I know l can and will do betternow sod of you ignorant cunt"

Cyb · 28/05/2013 20:53

Think about what YOU want in a partner rather than wanting someone to wan you IYSWIM

Hassled · 28/05/2013 20:53

I can see the most objectively beautiful man in the world walking him down the street and not be remotely attracted to him. And in your case - you may be attractive, but it's just that he's not attracted to you. And while that's not what you wanted to hear from him, it's not his fault and there's nothing he could have done about it. Better you know now rather than later on.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 20:55

Thanks fairylea am just so shocked that at 38 he couldn't have just said it nicer and had the courtesy to ring. But then he owes me nothing, does he!

Defo won't leave it so long... Won't be doing it again. That was a tiny bit soul destroying if am honest!

He made a reference to liking slim girls (slim to me) and I wonder if am too heavy, if that's what it was. Am 5"7..

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 28/05/2013 20:55

He does sound pathetic - i think for not attractive enough, you should read - not willing to jump into bed straight away - wanker

Lucky escape!!

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 20:55

Thanks, my pride and ego are a bit burst from it. I thought I looked nice and he said he really liked me after date 1.

OP posts:
YouMakeMeWannaLaLa · 28/05/2013 20:56

I suppose at least it makes things clear for you, no wishy-washy half arsed excuses for weeks until you give up. At least you can definitely draw a line under it and rule him out forever. I'd bet he may have got a wee bit of an ego boost by putting down someone more attractive and younger than himself but try, try, try to not tie yourself in knots thinking about it.

The first date/fling after a break up is always hard as it takes guts to get out there only to be smacked down.

Enjoy your bath, forget about this ill-mannered man (fwiw, he is entitled to find you unattractive but it's fucking cruel to spell it out) and be glad you weren't more involved Smile

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 20:56

Thanks lesmis I needed someone to call him a wanker!

OP posts:
CVSFootPowder · 28/05/2013 20:56

I agree with Hassled. It can sometimes be about chemistry when guys talk about attraction. He's not feeling you, but that doesn't mean you're not gorgeous.
He's been clumsy how he's done this, to say the least.
Please dont do as Doha suggested. Just leave it now.

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa · 28/05/2013 20:58

Love it Doha

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 20:58

youmakemewanna yeah I agree he can say he just isn't that into me, that's ok. I appreciate telling me early on I guess, was just mixed signal and rude on text and manner and I thought I knew better of him.

My mistake for giving him am inch for him to be just a bit rude

OP posts:
Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 20:59

doha Grin just seen this now!!!!!!

Am trying to have the moral high ground on manners here, lol! But yeah, what a C-BOMB!!!

OP posts:
changeling1234 · 28/05/2013 21:01

Not very nice to hear, but please be aware that diabetics can suffer very nasty mood swings when low/high sugar. I had a friend like this and I almost ended our friendship over her nasty comments. Since getting her blood sugar properly sorted she's lovely again.

It may not be that, but just thought I'd throw it in. Hope you find someone much nicer soon Smile

Cyb · 28/05/2013 21:02

Please don't waste your energy wondering what it was about you he didn't like . It just wasn't the right match

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 21:05

Thanks chalenging that's helpful but cyb is right too, he wasnt worth it.

I will stick to the only man who adores me - the dog!

doha feel free to keep the comments coming, made me laugh!!!

OP posts:
cantbloodywellchoose · 28/05/2013 21:06

He sounds like a complete tit. Onwards and upwards my love!

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 28/05/2013 21:09

Apparently he'd been thinking all day about how to tell me that he wasnt attracted to me... Jings

OP posts:
Fairylea · 28/05/2013 21:15

He is a wanker.

And don't start worrying about being slim or not slim or whatever else. Don't change yourself, you want someone to want you for you... and everyone likes someone different!

I like tall skinny men for example, muscles do nothing for me! My dh is 5ft 11 and weighs 9 stone ... of course I'd love him whatever he looked like now but when we first met I loved his lankiness! And I am rather wobbly but he loves my wobbly bits. So all is fine :) (I weigh four stone more than him!)

Just take a break, invest time in yourself and making yourself happy and have another go when you feel better x

Varya · 28/05/2013 21:17

Not worth your time of day!

hesterton · 28/05/2013 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumsyblouse · 28/05/2013 21:54

Are you sure he said you were unattractive, or just that 'the attraction wasn't there' or 'you were not really his type'? He's just trying to say there was no spark from his end. To be honest, after two dates it is crunch time for going further and if he wasn't fully into it, much better find out now. I expect he was hoping you would stop contacting him (I would find several emails/texts a bit intrusive, one fine) so it would naturally die a death, when you asked, he told you.

There are lots of posts on here about how crap and wankerish guys are if they only date a few times (1-4 dates say) and then don't want to continue, but I find this acceptable and normal date behaviour, I don't want to date every person I go out with a few times and nor do they. In an ideal world there would be a lovely phrase which covered all eventualities 'it's just not working out for me, you are a lovely person, good luck with it all' used to work for me, but everyone is hurt by a rejection, especially when you had a good time.

Onwards and upwards.