Hello, I'm Mouse 
A huge big welcome to the Brave Babes threads.
We're a varied group of posters, on this wonderfully supportive, non judgemental, gigantic Bus, and we are all heading in the same direction - towards Sobriety.
Some of us don't touch a drop of alcohol, some of us do. Some of us drink too much, openly admit it and are desperate to stop and some of us are trying to manage controlled drinking.
No matter what we're doing, we're just trying to do it One Day At A Time.
What ever you need, what ever your habit, chances are that there'll be another poster who is just like you or has been where you are now, already here, waiting to talk or just listen :)
Yes, some of us have been here for a longer time than others, some of us for just a few days but that's what makes this Bus so great imo, the variety of knowledge and understanding :)
This Bus has been whizzing along various roads now for almost four years thanks to the very desperate cry for help from THIS THREAD BY JWN
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Mouseface · 24/05/2013 10:33
Ladame, I agree with you, I think it's a horrible way to treat someone. I felt mortified & felt so frustrated as don't know what to do. I think he has some control issues & quite often tries to bully & control & this is why he struggles so much with teenage dd's behaviour as he can't control it.
I don't think he see's anything wrong with speaking to me like that when he is angry & when he has calmed down he tries to make a joke of it.
I also feel am I showing dd & ds that this type of behaviour is ok? I agree as well that the next few years are going to be testing with dd pushing boundaries & if this is how he reacts to relatively small stuff how will we manage.
I feel trapped in situation though as financially could not manage on my own whilst paying childcare. I also feel he's not a bad man, he loves us but don't get the anger he has? 
Thank you Faire, he is working a 12 hour shift today but just spoke to him on the phone & used a lot of your key points. He said he knows he flew of the handle & is going to look to do an anger management class. He has said this before though & didn't
I'm not sure that he needs anger management though clutter. Does he shout and swear at everyone who annoys him - his boss, colleagues, friends, other family members, random members of the public, or is it just you and the children?
People who cannot control their anger don't function very well in society and find it difficult to hold down a job.
People who choose to shout at their wife and children when they are angry do not need anger management. They need to learn respect and self control. It's different.
What he needs to do is pretty much what we do on the bus:
- Acknowledge that it's a problem because it is having a negative impact on self and/or others
- Take full ownership of the problem without blaming others or outside influences
- Recognise triggers and learn to anticipate them
- Plan strategies to avoid triggers
- Find out about, learn and practise coping strategies.
We might keep busy, have a bath, go for a walk, chat with friends, etc.
He could say when he feels himself starting to get cross, take himself off somewhere away from the source of anger, go for a run or similar high cardio exercise, use breathing exercises or meditation, sing along to loud music, whatever he finds that works.
Then, when calm, he can come back to the problem and talk about it sensibly. Would be a fab role model for the children if he could do this
Hello babes I hope you've all got lovely weather like I have here. Been sat in the garden all afternoon, just me and the dog. DH and DD are out tonight, so I'm enjoying the peace 
I have got some wine for tonight, but before I drink it I'm going to do some work. I've got to try and analyse what happened with my boss on Friday, see if I can deal with the emotions and come up with strategies for the future. The reason I want to do that first is that usually I have alcohol to hide from upsetting emotions (but that can't work, can it - unless I was drunk, all the time, every day!)
I don't know if that has made any sense, it does in my head... I just don't want to associate drinking with any kind of 'burying-head-in-sand' which is what I usually do. I don't want to rely on it to take away the anger/hurt/fear.
So. After my third chocolate eclair, I'm going to sit down with my Cognitive Behavioural app and try to Sort Myself Out.
Hi full.
To be honest, that sounds pretty scary. It's rotten you've had such a bad time with your GPs. I think they can be really varied - some are good, others, I am stunned that they got into med school (thinking of the woman who I had to explain how menstrual cycles worked to, while she sat there nodding vacantly and finally agreed yes, it might be possible some women didn't have a 28 day cycle like her card said. 
). But, can you ask around people in your area (or MN local) and see if anyone has a good one? They do exist and it sounds as if you need one.
clutter - sorry to hear you're going through this. You feel mortified?! He should feel bloody mortified.
I don't have kids, so obviously I am ignorant, but I would be a bit at anyone who said you should back up your DH regardless of what you think.
Anyway. I am on day 8 - not great, but over the last year I'm aware this has been around when I take a tumble, so I need to watch out. I ate my body weight in icecream yesterday but this isn't an ideal way to stave off the booze cravings.
Morning all!
alias hope your evening went well - sounded like a great approach. The thing about worrying is that it is not always bad, and shouldn't be demonised. Worrying can sometimes be about facing your problems, thinking what you could do, and weighing up the possible consequences and outcomes of your options. That is a good thing if it helps you to make better decisions. But once you've done that, you have to move past the worry stage until the time for action arrives (difficult, I know). One of my friends had a 'worry corner' in her garden - a place on a little stone wall where she went to sit to worry about things. If she found herself worrying (even sometimes in the night!) she would go there to think, and then try to leave the worrying thoughts behind once she'd left. Of course it didn't work completely but she said that it did stop her laying in bed going over and over the same things, and sometimes she couldn't be bothered to get up and go out to the worry place and just went to sleep instead
Thanks lonnika, nicely put!
And well done on 28 days! Brilliant.
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