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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Fresh Start, no more losers.

999 replies

LoserNoMore · 21/05/2013 08:38

Just thought I'd start a new thread, general chit chat, moaning, skipping etc before I go to work and incase the other one fills up.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 28/05/2013 09:43

I'm carless until weds. God sake. I'm knack erred & got chest infection! Hope all ok.

LittleEsme · 28/05/2013 20:06

Jax
have you got antibiotics???

imtheonlyone · 28/05/2013 21:18

Sorry to hear of the chest infection Jax? That's not good. Hope you're being looked after. What happened to your car?

LNM - are you ok? Your silence worries me Wink

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 28/05/2013 22:51

Hi, I'm having a nightmare week :(

Work is back to its usual shitty self. Ex is being a dick and I have a bloody kidney infection. I'm an absolute wreck.

Hope you're not feeling too bad Jax. Not sure if I'll manage that coffee this week but I'll pm you if I can.

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 28/05/2013 23:03

:( hope you feel better soon.

how is X being a dick... can you tell him to sod off?

Xales · 28/05/2013 23:04

Your ex is always a dick. It is his natural state. Change his name in your phone to that.

imtheonlyone · 28/05/2013 23:08

I was worried something was up Hmm. Sorry to hear all that LNM. What's the twunt up to now?? Hope you get some rest and are feeling better soon. Worried about you - take it easy Thanks

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 28/05/2013 23:53

Oh just turning nasty. Word spreads, he heard I had a guy back after the pub. Apparently I'm a slut. Trying not to let him get to me but can't help it. Didn't even shag the guy ffs, not that it matters but still.

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 29/05/2013 00:10

If you get any grief, tell him not that its any of his business, but your morals as not as low as his. You had a friend round for coffee. he shagged another woman. As far as sluttish behaviour goes, he wins..........

Loulybelle · 29/05/2013 01:49

LNM, Just dont reply, dont reply him, his sister, twats involved, just dont engage at all, its not their business and never will be.

Just remember, your so great, that he is now kicking himself that hes lost you, well tough fucking shit, he made his bed and i hope he changed the sheets.

WeAreSix · 29/05/2013 07:15

You're a slut?! Ok......

He is totally clueless.

buildingmycorestrength · 29/05/2013 07:32

Does it help to remember that he is really not normal, and everything he says or does should be seen as symptomatic of a diseased mind? Grin

His opinion is worthless.

It is as if a two-year old called you a horrid mummy because you said no more sweets. Except of course, you like the two-year old, mostly.

Hope your infection gets sorted soon.Thanks

CabbageLeaves · 29/05/2013 08:05

Expect this sort of reaction and then it won't be such a shock LNM

If he was a fully decent man he wouldn't have had an affair. His sense of entitlement means he has in his own head, excused the affair with any excuse under the sun ranging from it wasn't a real affair, she drove me to it, everyone does it, I didn't love the OW, I was a good husband and it was only sex. This latest behaviour is part of that minimising. Deflecting blame from himself rather than face up to his own failing.

Live your own life and shut him out as much as possible. The best advice you can have is to make a boundary bigger than the Berlin Wall so he cannot affect you. All arrangements regarding contact can be made via e-mail. Refuse to discuss anything face to face and enforce penalties. If he tries to talk face to face refuse to meet in the same situation. Be unreasonable. You have the right to be so. You have the right to shag half the village if you choose. It's not you who broke up a family. It may seem harsh but it will set a standard which means you can both move on.

You need to look after yourself. Put yourself first

Fairenuff · 29/05/2013 08:08

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

He is just trying to wind you up to get a reaction out of you.

It's none of his business who stays in your house, or anyone else's business either. Don't tell him anything, leave him guessing, it will drive him round the bend.

At least this might make him finally realise it's over and you are moving on.

He must feel very foolish telling people that he's just did 'something silly' and you will forgive him when you've had some time to get over it. And he must be kicking himself for being such an idiot.

Hope you feel better soon LNM, I take it you've got antibiotics? You too Jax, take care of yourselves.

CabbageLeaves · 29/05/2013 08:12

Is moving house worth considering as a goal? A new life, new job away from this? Or too stressful maybe

swallowedAfly · 29/05/2013 08:39

totally predictable and do you remember a while back i said that they only seem to 'get' it when they think you've shagged someone else? it's like they can then see you as sullied and get over you by thinking of you as a slut fallen way off the pedestal.

and it's one rule for him and another for a woman - his affair is a mistake that you're mean to not forgive - you snogging a man AFTER you've split up makes you a whore.

ignore the horrible little man.

imtheonlyone · 29/05/2013 08:54

Agree with all the others who've posted above. Ignore, ignore, ignore. The 'did she, didn't she?' Will drive him bonkers. And it is non of his business anymore!!

I know it hurts, it will do, but this behaviour is all to minimise his blame for the break up. There is clearly no getting through to the man that he's done all of this not you. Don't let it stop you living your life as you wish to though. And don't let it stop you seeing this guy again if that's what you want to do. You can hold your head high because you know that you've done absolutely nothing wrong. You are a beautiful single lady living her life. To hell with him and his opinions and his stupid bloody family!! It's pointless trying to reason with him clearly so just ignore and get on with what you're doing. Because you're doing fine in what is one of the most difficult times of your life. And that is all his fault. So if his nose has been out out a bit - then boo hoo to him!!

Sorry! I mean, the bloody cheek of the man! Hope the infection isn't too awful - that won't help.

You could give me his number and I'll tell him what a fucking prick he is Shock!!! Wink

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 29/05/2013 08:55

I'm trying not to rise to his insults. Another classic one "remember you're a mother". I did nearly pee myself at that one. Funny how he forgot he was a father for months on end. "Remember you were my husband and shagging someone else" shut him up. Prick.

I have antibiotics fairenuff hopefully they'll start working soon.

I'd love to move away cabbage, it's something I'm seriously considering.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 29/05/2013 09:00

Going off on a tangent a bit but there are often threads on mn where one party is considering cheating on their partner because, although they are mostly happy in their marriage, they have met their 'soulmate', or are 'in love' with or 'irrestibly drawn to' someone else Hmm

Anyway, lots of these posters say that they don't want to break up their marriage. The partner is a good mother/father, they are financially stable, they love their partner (just not crazy about them anymore), etc.

They think that they can cheat and keep it a secret. This thread just shows how it can all blow up in their face once the affair is discovered.

I don't understand that kind of thinking at all. If you don't want to end your marriage, don't cheat. The sense of entitlement is beyond belief.

LittleEsme · 29/05/2013 09:04

LNM good response to your ex.
He's still blaming you. I agree with everything everyone has said. Ignore ignore ignore.

A urine infection will drag you down. Drink enough water and make sure you take every single tablet

If moving is something you'd go for, I'll help you pack. Seriously Thanks

Fairenuff · 29/05/2013 09:06

"Remember you were my husband and shagging someone else"

That must have been quite satisfying. He really doesn't have a leg to stand on. He will hate the thought that another man could have what he can't. And there's no way he can 'get back at you' because you don't care what he does with his life now.

A move to somewhere on the coast sounds like something to start planning for. Are you nearish anywhere coastal where it wouldn't be too much hassle for the girls to still spend weekends with him?

buildingmycorestrength · 29/05/2013 09:20

God, you're good with the comebacks. You should consider a career in standup.

I would NEVER be able to think that fast under pressure, let alone comebacks so wittily phrased, turning his words back on him, etc, yet you do it over and over. Your secret, please?

swallowedAfly · 29/05/2013 09:34

ah the mother pedestal. mother's shouldn't have sex lives or be sexual or have fun in any way then? Hmm what a prick. he just keeps showing you his awful sense of entitlement and just how far he has internalised the bullshit of male privilege, female subjugation.

you are supposed to be a virgin madonna don't you know! existing only to soothe and comfort your husband and children, forgiving all wrongs and sacrificing yourself willingly with a gentle smile upon your lips.

do fuck off loser.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 29/05/2013 09:54

Saf, that's exactly it! As if.

It's something I'll never understand either, Fairenuff. It's so selfish. It was satisfying saying that to him. I used to live near the coast, I liked it there, I'm going to have a nosey at some houses! Not too far away either but there's nothing keeping me here. No family, job is shit,girls would love being near the beach.

I may hold you to that LittleEsme.

Grin core strength. I don't know. I usually think of a comeback about a day later but I was so angry and it just came out.

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 29/05/2013 10:09

LNM, go for it, time to do something for you and your girls.

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