Lundy Bancroft. I think I love him

[fromparistoberlin]

such an amazing book

Its helped me so much, and taught me so much

thats they are entitled
that their abuse makes things easy for them
that its a cultural/engrained
thats couples counselling/AA will not acheive jack shit
how society enables abuse

I am now resolved to get counselling, and fucking stick up for myself

I really feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders
Last week I was so depressed I was having suicidal thoughts

wow, and the sad thing..its happens to so many people

[JennyEnglishTwo]

Yeh, I still need mine for dealing with x. I would NEVER want him to read it, and then mock me, oh you read it in a book written by some pseudo psychologist - is he from los angeles? pah! does he write for cosmo as well.

I can just hear what my x would say about lundy.

[fromparistoberlin]

mine DP laughed when he read the cover! i was reading it IN FRONT of him

put simple iots made me realise he was bullying me a bit, that he could be alot worse, and that really I have nothing to lose by sticking up for myself 1 million times more

and that when they are being abusive, they win! they get power, liberty, everything

Its scary how prevalant this is in the country where my DP comes from too, I wish it was translated put it that way......

[JennyEnglishTwo]

Well, my x is english. seem to be a lot of narks in england too. That bastion of civilisation huh?

[Iamreeling]

I have owned lots of copies of the book and keep giving them away! It is the one book that changed my perspective completely. How old do you think you need to be to read it? DD is almost 12 and a good reader and I am worried that my ex is getting in her head. Don't know if it's too much for her yet though?

[foolonthehill]

Please if you have found this book helpful make sure your local library has at least one copy (they tend to go missing, for obvious reasons) get the librarian to fill in a book request form.

It's the best!!

[GoldenMama]

Is it 'Why does he do that?' book or 'Should I stay or should I go?' that's so good. I have been thinking about reading one.
Thanks

[foolonthehill]

Why Does he do that.

though the should I stay or should I go is also good (and I think available on Kindle)

[GoldenMama]

Thank you for this I have just ordered it too! x

[fromparistoberlin]

Iamreeling

thats a good questions. why not ask GOD aka Lundy himself? I can see its a great read but maybe too young????

[verygentlydoesit]

Sounds like a book I could really do with right NOW!! So wish it was available on kindle. I am teetering on the edge of walking away from P, one minute I'm brave enough, the next I doubt myself.

If anyone could recommend anything similar but available on kindle, or a website where I can read about Lundy's genius I would be very very grateful.

[AnyFucker]

if you look here and click on some the online articles they are abstracts from his books quoted above

[AnyFucker]

some of

[verygentlydoesit]

Thank you AF, will have a good look this evening.

[MakesCakesWhenStressed]

iamreeling, I read your thread and I think if she's old enough for him to be fucking with her the way he is then she's old enough to read this. If she's being targeted then you need to give her the tools to defend herself.
I really do feel for you though x

[JennyEnglishTwo]

Iamreeling, I have a dd nearly the same age. I don't knwo if my dd would plough through the book. I would think about printing off lists of how a good/healthy relationship makes you feel. How a bad relationship makes you feel ie doubting yourself, working hard to be pleaser, trying harder, walking on eggshells, modifying your behaviour around somebody, seeing less of your friends than you want to?

Also, if there is onne of the types in the book that describes her father, maybe type that bit out and let her read that bit. I know my x is a blamer and a water torturer.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

I think the book might be too much for a 12 year old, but I would definitely try "when dad hurts mom" - its not just about witnessing abuse it's also about fathers emotionally abusing children. For you to reqd though.

Women's aid may have suggestions of hooks for teens on their website?