Lundy Bancroft. I think I love him

[fromparistoberlin]

such an amazing book

Its helped me so much, and taught me so much

thats they are entitled
that their abuse makes things easy for them
that its a cultural/engrained
thats couples counselling/AA will not acheive jack shit
how society enables abuse

I am now resolved to get counselling, and fucking stick up for myself

I really feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders
Last week I was so depressed I was having suicidal thoughts

wow, and the sad thing..its happens to so many people

[YoniBottsBumgina]

I think the book might be too much for a 12 year old, but I would definitely try "when dad hurts mom" - its not just about witnessing abuse it's also about fathers emotionally abusing children. For you to reqd though.

Women's aid may have suggestions of hooks for teens on their website?

[JennyEnglishTwo]

Iamreeling, I have a dd nearly the same age. I don't knwo if my dd would plough through the book. I would think about printing off lists of how a good/healthy relationship makes you feel. How a bad relationship makes you feel ie doubting yourself, working hard to be pleaser, trying harder, walking on eggshells, modifying your behaviour around somebody, seeing less of your friends than you want to?

Also, if there is onne of the types in the book that describes her father, maybe type that bit out and let her read that bit. I know my x is a blamer and a water torturer.

[MakesCakesWhenStressed]

iamreeling, I read your thread and I think if she's old enough for him to be fucking with her the way he is then she's old enough to read this. If she's being targeted then you need to give her the tools to defend herself.
I really do feel for you though x

[verygentlydoesit]

Thank you AF, will have a good look this evening.

[AnyFucker]

some of

[AnyFucker]

if you look here and click on some the online articles they are abstracts from his books quoted above

[verygentlydoesit]

Sounds like a book I could really do with right NOW!! So wish it was available on kindle. I am teetering on the edge of walking away from P, one minute I'm brave enough, the next I doubt myself.

If anyone could recommend anything similar but available on kindle, or a website where I can read about Lundy's genius I would be very very grateful.

[fromparistoberlin]

Iamreeling

thats a good questions. why not ask GOD aka Lundy himself? I can see its a great read but maybe too young????

[GoldenMama]

Thank you for this I have just ordered it too! x

[foolonthehill]

Why Does he do that.

though the should I stay or should I go is also good (and I think available on Kindle)

[GoldenMama]

Is it 'Why does he do that?' book or 'Should I stay or should I go?' that's so good. I have been thinking about reading one.
Thanks

[foolonthehill]

Please if you have found this book helpful make sure your local library has at least one copy (they tend to go missing, for obvious reasons) get the librarian to fill in a book request form.

It's the best!!

[Iamreeling]

I have owned lots of copies of the book and keep giving them away! It is the one book that changed my perspective completely. How old do you think you need to be to read it? DD is almost 12 and a good reader and I am worried that my ex is getting in her head. Don't know if it's too much for her yet though?

[JennyEnglishTwo]

Well, my x is english. seem to be a lot of narks in england too. That bastion of civilisation huh?

[fromparistoberlin]

mine DP laughed when he read the cover! i was reading it IN FRONT of him

put simple iots made me realise he was bullying me a bit, that he could be alot worse, and that really I have nothing to lose by sticking up for myself 1 million times more

and that when they are being abusive, they win! they get power, liberty, everything

Its scary how prevalant this is in the country where my DP comes from too, I wish it was translated put it that way......

[JennyEnglishTwo]

Yeh, I still need mine for dealing with x. I would NEVER want him to read it, and then mock me, oh you read it in a book written by some pseudo psychologist - is he from los angeles? pah! does he write for cosmo as well.

I can just hear what my x would say about lundy.

[AnyFucker]

Phoenix, I expect your husband used the book to brush up on his abusing ways, did he not ?

That book is so spot on, it is actually dangerous in the wrong hands...

[turbochildren]

I second all of this. Was flabbergasted to find out Lundy was a he, as first time I read it (in library) I thought it was a she. It was like a punch in the stomach to recognise so much, but oh so liberating reading it again. Scales fell from eyes etc. Wouldn't make the abusive men read it though, they'll find a wonderful manipulative twist to it, no doubt. "It's your fault I need to own you" or some such thing...
The "When dad hurts mom" is very useful too. It reinforces my stance to protect my children. It's of course shit that it came to that, but there it is.

[JennyEnglishTwo]

What did he make of the book phoenix? I'm sure my x would have been so disparaging about it.

[phoenix2]

Lundy literally changed my life.
I saw my h on every page of his book. Like someones else said i thought my H was unique or perhaps ill. the book opened my eyes to what was really happening.
Only pity is i got my H out of my house and life but then a year later i let him move back in again. I gave him my book to read so he could understand himself!!!!!!!!! I have never seen it since.
Now i just have to work out how to get him back out again as he hasnt changed one bit......... what a fool i am.......

[fromparistoberlin]

Lundy need to send me a shout, as have generated him 3 sales and bought a copy for someone too!!!!

WE LOVE YOU LUNDY

[indigosunset]

This thread spurred me to buy it too.. it was on my to-do list!

[akaWisey]

I've just ordered it from Amazon. I'm not in a relationship but I've had my share of fuckwits and I don't intend to go down that road again.

[PetalsonTheWind]

I need this book! Can't get it on Kindle Shall see if my library has it.

[Walkacrossthesand]

Thanks to frequent mentions on MN I've got a copy and am reading it though I'm single and have never been in an abusive relationship... I have daughters and want to know what might be awaiting them 'out there'...