Brave bad-mum starting a conversation!

[SarahSparkles]

A nice relationship discussion. :)
Myself and my husband have been accused of not being very "close" because we are not very tactile or loved up in public. I don't feel that I need to display my feelings for the benefit of anyone else, but at the same time I'm not embarrassed about doing it either.

I do feel that amongst our friends we have some very overly tactile couples who can make other people feel uncomfortable being around them.
To me the need to be in permenant physical contact comes across as insecurity. As if they need to make their mark on the other person, and let everyone else know they are taken.

As far as I'm concerned if someone wants to try it on with myself or Steven thats up to them, I have no problems saying I'm not interested and I have every faith in him to do the same.

Some of our friends say I'm way off the mark, and that we are too cold towards each other in public to be a "good" couple. But if he was all over me in that way I'd feel like he was being possesive not protective! (and I'm not really into protective men either)

So what do you think? Is being very tactile in public posessive, protective, natural or just unnecessary?

Unnecessary. Bleurgh.

and childish and insecure .. double-bleurgh

i think ti is nice if it a qiock peck ont he cheek or whaever or a squeeze
bit not acaressing eachothers arses OR walking to shcool holding hands ( VOMIT)

unnecessary - nothing worse! Agree, smacks of marking your territory, all that pawing each other in public. Don't mind holding hands whilst wandering along the road but anything more .... get a room!

Bloody irritating IMO. Dp and I aren't overly tactile either, it's weird, reminds me of that episode of wifeswap with the surrendered wife.

caressing each others arses?! Yikes!

Don't like public displays of affection myself. Bit of handholding sweet, I suppose, but only if it's somewhere you won't bump into anyone you know (had a boss who walked to work holding hands with her boyfriend. Eeek).

Some people are quite physical (like me); others aren't (like DP). I do find public gropery in adults afflicted with children a bit off-putting - you do rather wonder what they're trying to prove.

I'm not very tactile in public either blueeeerrghh.

Last Monday I was unfortunate enough to be seated opposite a couple on a train, who really really needed to be in a hotel room or something, I became intensely interested in my driving theory test handbook for the entire excruciating 30 minut journey. I mean yuck and it was only 8am. I couldn't move either as the train was so packed.

What do your friends want you and your dp to be doing in front of them to prove your love for eachother exactly???

There are limits but like cod says subtle touches etc are comforting and quite nice I def don't think it smacks of marking your territory I can only assume someone who would say that is a bit bitter that their partners aren't more touchy Sorry!

If you're 15 and have nowhere private, public displays of luurve are fine. For the rest of us, no, it's icky.

If I try to hold DP's hand he gets embarrassed. I sort of see his point.

Hmm we were out lasnite and Dh and I were sat beside each other and he had his arm round my shoulders, we weren't being overly tactile or anything, it was just normal (we are in our 20's). His aunt and uncle however are awful.. I felt so embarrased. They are 55 and 54 and they have 2 grown up sons, the sons have left home and the aunt and uncle seem to be recapturing the love and life they had before they had the boys, and are extremely tactile and all over the top of each other. Last night he had to tell her to stop touching his b*lls under the table I suppose it's lovely to think a couple is still that into eachother after 20 odd years of marriage!!

I think if you feel comfortable in your relationship and feel no need to be all touchy and feely then you are just secure and not intimidates by people round you, not a bad way to be IMHO :)

The people who have been so critical most recentl are generally seen out in public with the lady sat on her fiancees knee snuggling, kissing and groping continually. But we have other overly tactile friends along those lines. They are sat having a conversation with you and their other half will be stroking, touching or whatever. Its like a way of saying "don't ignore me, I'm still here" It kind of bugs me.
I actually mentioned it half jokingly to one couple, in a "she won't run away if you let go, you know" kind of way. And was critisised for not loving each other enough to want to be the same. It really annoyed me!
The same guy wouldn't allow his gf to come out for a drink with me because I couldn't "look after her properly" without him there.

To be honest I just don't see the point. We have our snuggly moments at home when we can be alone, and we have plenty of them too. I just didn't realise until recently how cold other people see us as a couple!

It may be worth noting that we are a youngish couple and many of our friends are younger.

Cor, they sound deranged, frankly. And not a little worrying.

I'd refer occasionally to your fabulously filthy sex life, and put them off.

think they re swingers

arf

noddy - I don't think so. I think it's kind of needy to have to prove to the big wide world that you've got a boyfriend or whatever. No need for snipey remarks.

human equivelant of peeing up a bush.

cant stand it.

Why do you assume someone touching their partner is needing to prove anything?A slight touch or holding hands etc is natural imo as is a quick peck or hug,I think likening that to peeing up a bush is ridiculous although full on snogging annd groping is a bit much!

God if you think thats a snipey remark you are on the wrong site

So what's wrong with holding hands? Dh and I do this alot, and linking arms.

always hold dp's hand in public - it's natural. Now and agin he might give me a kiss on the forehead or something but never anything more.

Think there's a middle ground between absolutely nothing and full on touching up!

I think you misunderstood me actually - I agree that holding hands is nice and subtle touches, like you say, are fine but watching a couple all over each other in company is a bit strange IMO.

I thought that is what we were talking about.

FGS what's with the "you're on the wrong site" crap because I had an opinion?

i think the point was that having to lick each others face and to sit on a their lap and generally feel the need to glue yourself to DP's hip is like peeing up a bush....as in you are so insecure about your relationship that you feel the need to let everyone in the room know that you have a partner and that your DP is off limits to any preying singletons out there.

and no im not a bitter twisted old hag, just quite comfortable within my own skin enough to not need touching and stroking like a pet cat in order to feel loved.

I held DH's hand last night. We went out together for the first time since February. We held hands for maybe 20 secs from car to restaurant justinstinctively and it was nice to hold a hand that wasn't small and sticky. Once we were inside thought we got down to the serious business of spending £15 on a curry (with a starter, rice, chappatis etc - good value!) and no under table groping.

Sounds like I fall into the acceptable category. I give DH goodbye kisses in public (just a peck on the lips) but that is about the limit and my parents/ILs etc all do that. Agree that excessive touching etc smacks of insecurity and territory marking and so is a bit pathetic.