Husband of 2 weeks has cheats :-( devastated

[mummy2lola]

Hi there,
I'm writing, not for sympathy, but advice on how to deal with a situation .
Me and my husband have been together 7 years and got married 4 weeks ago now, and we have a little daughter of 6 months, a happy home, and a importable life.

2 weeks ago I go onto our family computer, and find within his e-mails messages from a woman stating "last nig was amazing, I can't wait until next time" as we'll as similar replies from my husband. I was go smacked and confronted him staright away, not in a shouting way, but I was surprised at how calm I talked about it.

He told me he did it because we've not been the same since having a child, and we've been pushing each other away. He told me he paid this woman (an escort he seeked out online) £50 and mt her at a cheap hotel for an hour, and that was it.

I emailed this woman, and spoke with her on the whole with my husband present and demanded to know everything.
She told me he booked a posh hotel with afour poster bed & paid £250 for the night with her & she wanted more..
He had told her he wasn't married, had no kids, lied about his occupation & said he had so much money he didn't now what to do with it ll.

2 weeks prior to this, he'd been on a course with work & our daughter was ill then, & he was short with me on the phone the whole time when I was crying I opulent cope alone, and now know those 2 weeks he was calling her for hours on end, it makes me so so sad.

The upshot is, that I've oven him one last chance ( he's done this sort of thing before when I was pregnant, but didn't carry it through- I found the messages prior to anything happening) but what I'm finding so difficult is trusting him, stopping thinking about it etc.

Or sex life has improved since, and we've been making more efforts etc. he's doing morefornour daughter ( he hadn't seemed fussed previously & I was buying her everything etc.)
He's been treated good at home from the moment we met. I run his baths, set his clothes out, support him in his hobbies, work etc. I cook, clean...he doesn't have to lift a finger. I also have a good sex drive, so it can't be that I'm frigid.

I almost feel jealous of the night he gave her. He said he was trying to relive our wedding night, as we had a room with a 4 poster bed, but I fell asleep on the wedding night because I'd been up so so early etc, so I didn't put out.

Please help me think of a way back to happy. I'm even considering booking a male escort myself, just to get even, and then we can start a fresh from there. E're supposed to be moving house this week for a fresh start, but it feels horrible with this hanging over me, the worry, the doubts, and e sad hurt feeling ebbing away within.

What can I possibly do? Xx

Fonejacker anyone ?

Just what l was thinking

I'll get mi coat, go and see if mi samwidge is ready.

My h had an affair last year and it was impossible to think things through while he was living under the same roof. After I insist that he left, I spent a few weeks crying then started to process what had gone on and realised that I wanted him gone permanently.
I did not want to have to worry about what he was doing and with who he was with etc. Being paranoid and insecure is not what I deserve and Id be setting a terrible example for my kids. I am a good person who deserves a husband who will put me first the way that I would put my husband first. Being insecure and paranoid is not for me.

Affairs are about someone putting their selfish urges ahead of other people. My h (like yours) was not particularly apologetic when the affair was exposed and that was a deal breaker for me. You shouldn't be making all the changes and putting him first. If he is serious about repairing the relationship then he should be running around you and making changes.

Recreating your wedding night with a woman who looks like you is disgusting. Wedding night sex is all about having sex with the person you love. Thinking that you can recreate it with someone who looks like you suggests that he has warped ideas about love and sex. With £250 a normal man would have organised a babysitter for an uninterrupted night of passion with YOU because he wants to be with YOU.

You poor thing OP. He is already setting you up for a life where you constantly doubt yourself and think you're not good enough, and he does what and who he bloody likes.

Do you want your DD to follow this blueprint for her future relationships? Because she will if this what she sees and knows. Teach her that when someone doesn't value you, you can walk away, head held high.

And teach her this by example.

You sound so lovely. He has lied to you, cheated on you, and made you feel bad about yourself, and hasn't helped when you were overwhelmed with looking after your little one.

This might sound simplistic but he isn't the right man for you. You deserve to be treated in a special, loving and caring way - you've been nothing but good to him - and you are the mother of his child - and he has devalued you.

I personally would say that you will be happier in the long term if you left him as you would then meet a man who truly loves and values you and your daughter.

By the way why did you say you weren't posting for sympathy? You deserve sympathy and support.

"he fell for his lies & was going to stop the £250 payment he'd made with view of a future together" Utter bullocks. If they were planning a future together, there would be no need for her to refund anything!

Do you want your dd to grow up thinking its normal for a woman to be treated like shit by her husband, to be cheated on and made to act like a skivvy?

Do you want her to have a similar sort of relationship when she's older? Because she probably will if you stay with him.

Get out now while your dd is too young to realise. My husband cheated on me before we were married, I found out 2 months after the wedding ds was 10 months old. I gave him another chance but he did it again when ds was 5 and dd was 2. I gave him another chance as I didn't want my babies being from a broken home. I never got over what he did to us. Ds is now 7 and dd 4 and he has just walked out. They are going through hell if I could turn back time I would have done it when they were younger, plucked up the bottle to tell him to leave. As they would have been young enough to get over it quicker. For your dd ltb now and let her know a new normal, she will never remember living with him and will therefore not be anywhere near as affected as if she was older.
Sorry you are going through this x

Hamwidge?

The whole thing sounds horrible. Nobody could put up with this. And you shouldn't.

he did it when you were pregnant too? ?

fool me once, shame on you.
fool me twice, shame on me.

He is completely lying to you. Escorts don't give a flying f**k whether or not their clients are married.

And he told you he spent £50, then it jumped to £250? Even in the face of being blatantly caught out he was still lying to your face.

The recreating your wedding night bit is beyond gross.

Please, please, please take some time to think this all through. Living with someone who disrespects you like this is surely worse than being just you and your daughter.

My ex husband cheated on me 6 weeks after we got married, with a woman known in the village as ' pat butcher'. He was also forces.

I chose to believe his lies, he too called her in front of me and they both denied it, i still remember him having ago at me, so she could hear on the phone, about how out of order i was. he then said i was nuts. years later, when i was pg, he admitted it had been true.

Every tour, every course, he had cheated, there had been lots and lots of them, all with a long ' plausable' story backing it up.

I know its scary, especially as you are forces, as it means a total lifestyle change and you will lose your house. I had help from lots of agencies and its fine now, my only regret is that i didnt leave sooner.

your child will be fine, if anything being in civvie street is less stressful than the constant moving that comes with the forces lifestyle. Also being able to make and keep friends, being close to family etc.

If you want to pm and speak to somone who has been where you are, or you want some practical advice, do let me know.

But please, please rememember, this is HIM not you or anything you have done.

Mindyourownbusiness- I think you're on the wrong thread.

OP- your FIL is a twat. I know loads of men who wouldn't dream of cheating and they are just as male as your husband. Saying it's what men do is spineless and cruel.

Please don't stay with this man. He's not only cheated on you behind your back, but he's lied endlessly, is unsupportive, and has made you think it's your fault.

Please get out or accept a life of utter misery and watch your self esteem being destroyed. And then watch your daughter follow suit.

I just want to say that you are worth so much more than this man. There are men out there who will love you, stay faithful, do their bit around the house and with kids and they are not as rare as you think. This man will just grind you down until you have no self esteem or confidence whilst he shags anything and everything in his path as he knows that he can get away with a quick sorry. Do yourself a massive favour and get out whilst your littlie is still little.

She is not an escort. He is lying.

Could you ever trust him?

I'm worried that if you stay with him you'll lose years of your life to find he's done something similar. He doesn't seem to realise that treating you in this way is wrong, trying to reverse the blame makes you wonder if he has any remorse at all.

you say you want advice not sympathy, but I am anyway sympathetic that you have had a horrible shock at a time in your life when you expected things to be happy, and you are feeling vulnerable because your baby is so young.
However... what I read in between the lines from your mail is that you can't leave a man who has already left you, maybe because you are terrified to be alone or because you don't have a better example in your mind of how a relationship should not be than this, or because you just can't let go yet of the dream of a great marriage that you thought you had. But whatever the reason in your mind is, the truth is that this man will cheat again and again and lead you an utterly miserable life, and the sooner you get your head around leaving, the better. There is no fixing it. The best you can do in this situation is salvage your dignity and kick him out. Please use all your energy and effort getting to that place rather than skivvying around after this useless and horrible man. I am so sorry, it is awful, I know.

TBH, and given that this was the 2nd time, that he lied and is blaming you, I'd tell him to move out.

Your DD is 6 months old, the impact on her now is probably less than when she is older and you catch him cheating again.

Because if you give in now, the 2nd time, he'll think he has a licence to cheat.

You may well be pregnant or with a young baby next time.
He may even give you an STI when you are next pregnant.
It could be with a friend of yours.

OP, my advice is to leave the bastard. He doesn't deserve you.

Don't beieve a word sorry!

Think I'm not allowed to say that though...

Oh I believe this alright.

I've seen this play out the same way so many times on here and that's not been v long.

Older posters would probably be rich indeed if they had a pound for every thread they've read about a bloke who's done porn/used prostitutes/been on dating sites who when busted, said he'd never do it again. Then got forgiven and his lies believed, only for worse to follow.

What a load of bollocks LTB

"You're right cogito. This is the very last chance & there will be no more, that's it"

You know and I know that you don't mean that. Sorry. You're going to keep giving this guy last chances. If this isn't bad enough to get shot, nothing is.

OP, Be prepared to post again, because he aint never gonna change.

So not an escort, shes the OW, what escort is upset over finding out a client is married, girl please, how much bullshit are you willing to take.

He used family money to get his leg over.

He didnt learn from the last time.

Recreating your wedding night, well he married you didnt he, so arent you a vital role in that night.

Being alone with DD, is a whole lot better, and having you dignity stripped away by "Mr Cheating diseased dick 2013"

Do you wanna accept a life of being a wronged wife, worried about what kind of diseases your husband is picking up.