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Original poster

Should I have been angry?

42 replies

PringleGrl · 20/05/2006 13:26

I met a man online a year ago, he lives in Sunderland and I live in Leeds so its a fair distance to travel hence he comes to stay with us every now and again but we dont get to see each other much, usually twice a month.

Anyway last week he took the week off work and stayed here for the full week, I have two children, he has none and still loves at home with his mum and dad.

He's really bad with money, is in tons of debt and doesnt save at all, if he see's something he wants he buys it without even thinking about it.

a few months ago he stayed with us for 3 weeks and never gave me anything towards his keep so this time I asked him straight away if he was 'ok' for money...he knew what I was getting at and told me he had £200 to come down with. Thing is, by the time he got here he had spent £10 on food on the train, £10 on changing his train ticket and £10 at home on the day he was due to come down so he got here with £170.

Saturday was my birthday so we went out for a meal and he spent £60 on that, I put £10 towards it (it was all he asked for). So this leaves him with £110, the night before he'd wanted a take-away and loads of stuff from the shop so that's another £20 gone...by sunday he had £90 left to last him a full week, after buying some drink and another take-away he had £70 left.

On sunday (after a subway which cost him £10 for his alone, I bought my own) we went to the city centre and he saw a playstation game that he wanted for £50, I told him he probably shouldnt as that would leave him with hardly any money but he apparanly really really wanted it and so needless to say he bought it.

Basically this left him with no money for the week and we ended up sitting in the house for a full week with no money to do anything and then to top it off he asked me to drive him to the train station last night at gone 9pm with the two small kids as he didnt even have enough money for a taxi.

It also turned out that during the week he had sneaked a phone call to his mum asking her to put some money in his bank account as he'd spent all that he had.

So, should I have been annoyed or am I blowing it out of proportion?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 20/05/2006 13:28

I would make him pay his own way..have you seen him at his place?

fairyfly · 20/05/2006 13:33

What did he get you for your birthday?

Original poster
PringleGrl · 20/05/2006 13:36

I have never been to his house but I know he is quite messy here, leaves his dirty clothes, beer cans and dirty pots all over the place...I also know he doesnt pay anything towards his keep at home.

Saying that though he did give me £10 towards the weeks shopping bill and he did buy a few groceries when he first got here, Im just angry that he spent £50 on a playstation game when we had a week to kill and thought he could've spent it a bit better but do I really have a right to complain? after all it is his money and he did take me out for a birthday meal and bought a few groceries...it just annoyed me that thanks to a playstation game we eneded up sat in the house for a full week. When I said this to him he said he isnt an entertainment machine!

OP posts:
fairyfly · 20/05/2006 13:37

I'm sorry but he took you out for dinner, brought two takeaways, from what i can see was trying to enjoy himself with you. Then he needed a lift to the train station. Isn't that what couples do? I think it's slightly odd you are keeing a record of his spending to the exact penny. On you're side though it was ridiculous to buy a playstation game, really daft when he knows he has to survive for a week.
How old is he? Did his mum put money in the bank?

zippitippitoes · 20/05/2006 13:38

He isn't coming across as that great tbh

SoupDragon · 20/05/2006 13:38

He also spent £60 on your birthday though. Were you annoyed at that?

2mum · 20/05/2006 13:38

I dont like the sound of this. Hes not sounding too great with money. You need to talk to him and explain he needs to be more careful with his money. If this relationship gets more serious such as him moving in. Do you really want to be putting up with him blowing all his money. You have 2 kids do you really want another one?

milward · 20/05/2006 13:40

Couldn't he have waited for the game? Do you feel he know's the value of money?

milward · 20/05/2006 13:40

lol at my grammar!!!

Original poster
PringleGrl · 20/05/2006 13:41

For my birthday he bought me a special edition CD that I have been after for years which was nice.

I know I shouldnt keep a record of his spending, its just that it worries me when say, he gets paid, has £400 in bank after bills and then goes out and buys a £350 xbox with no thought as to how he is going to survive for the rest of the month, same thing last week but on a smaller scale.

His mum did put the money in bank yes, now he has absolutely bo money whatsoever (not even a fiver for a taxi) and he doesnt get paid for another 2 weeks so god knows how he is going to live for the next 2 weeks.

OP posts:
2mum · 20/05/2006 13:41

My dh loves his games too but theres no way he would spend £50 on one and then leave us broke. He gets his pocket money! and i get mine after the bills are paid.

zippitippitoes · 20/05/2006 13:41

I'd want to see where he lived and find out a bit more about him on his homeground

2mum · 20/05/2006 13:42

As long as hes got his mum to keep topping him up with money till he gets paid again he will keep doing it.

vitomum · 20/05/2006 13:43

he sounds immature and irresponsible with money. You are obviously bothered by that and it impacts on you so you do need to talk about it. You could try and 'manage' this for him but personally i would want him to take responsibility more completely than that - it might take some time though as it will be a big change for him.

hunkermonkee · 20/05/2006 13:43

Have you posted about him before under a different name or am I mixing you up with someone else?

2mum · 20/05/2006 13:44

How old is he, he still lives at home with mum and dad and blows all his money? Hes too immature for an adult relationship i think.

Original poster
PringleGrl · 20/05/2006 13:45

I posted a while ago about him yes but forgot my password, if I remember rightly the last problem I had was very similar to this one so not much seems to be changing.

I cant speak to him about it as he just tells me to mind my own business basically or if he's in a good mood he'll just tell me not to worry and dismiss it.

OP posts:
hunkermonkee · 20/05/2006 13:45

Were you Skettle or a name like that?

2mum · 20/05/2006 13:46

Can you see this relationship getting more serious? Have you met his family/friends yet?

QE · 20/05/2006 13:47

As you're not living together I wouldn't worry to much about it. He did spend quite a bit on you for your bday and lunch/dinner out etc so think it was ok on that score.

If it ever came to talking about living together then I would be mighty wary of his lack of money sense tbh. Relying on mummy to bail him out would ring big warnings bells for me.

morningpaper · 20/05/2006 13:48

I'd stay stick with him if he's under 14

Otherwise find yourself a nice man

hunkermonkee · 20/05/2006 13:48

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=136311&stamp=060214035039\Here's your last thread, I think}

Sweetheart, please leave him. You are worth so much more than this.

2mum · 20/05/2006 13:48

I agree

hunkermonkee · 20/05/2006 13:48

How is he with the children now? Has he improved?

zippitippitoes · 20/05/2006 13:51

well i read half the original post on the linked thread and say

get rid