Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

10 months in and he's turning into the arsehole from hell

109 replies

Hayfeverandwine · 06/05/2013 09:16

Been together around 10 months, almost a year. At first he was sweet as pie, funny, full of energy, ideas and enthusiasm and I loved him to bits. Fuck I wanted to marry the bloke.
Then after about 6 months he started to change somewhat. Still lovely 90% of the time but also very whiny. Going on and on about depressing stuff, blowing hot and cold on me. I talked to him, I was terrified of losing him and he seemed to relish in that. When he was going away he'd say stuff like "oh a whole night/week without me - you are going to miss me aren't you! Aww" like he loved the thought of me being upset.
Now he moans about my son every opportunity he gets saying he's lazy, selfish, thoughtless, mucky etc etc. he's 14, that's his job!! What he fails to remember is that my son is a high performer academically having already gained a gcse grade a in science at 14 - gets up 6 mornings a week at 6am to do a paper round and is often the first person his friends call if they are upset and need to talk. Because if this, he's also a peer mentor at school. Hardly hooligan of the year material!

A few weeks ago dp got drunk and was really verbally horrible to me, had me in tears. He apologised and said he was just stressed. He got drunk last night and told me his kids were better than my kids, he's not used to living like a set of estatees because his ex wife and kids are not like "my lot" but he puts up with it because he loves me. Also, after asking him where he stands on marriage as it is important to me he said he probably wouldn't want to marry again, pointed out the fact that I've never been married and asked where my past "engaged" relationships had got me and then said he couldn't imagine that any if my ex's truly wanted to marry me, they probably just felt like they had to ask.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 06/05/2013 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

50shadesofbrown · 06/05/2013 22:41

Just read this thread. You already know what you need to do. I realised when my XP started to turn on me 11 months in, but struggled for more than 2 years to try & 'make it work'. He was a childish, vicious EA control freak. He could also be charming, gentle, generous, etc. It was all a way of keeping me 'in line' (his exact words). Your P sounds similar.

I really hope you get the courage to do the best thing for you & your son, who sounds lovely & a credit to you.

ExcuseTypos · 06/05/2013 22:43

Everything MrsDeVere said.

Please dump him.

ladyjadie · 07/05/2013 08:16

Your son, at 14, sounds like a bigger credit to mankind than this Ahole. Don't let him be influenced into thinking this is the right way to treat a woman. You seem to be smart and strong enough to know that this isn't gonna get better. I hope you've ended it because if so you are on the path to finding a much better life than living worrying when this dick is going to ruin another lovely day/happy memory. Good luck OP.

flippinada · 07/05/2013 09:20

God. Please get rid of this awful, awful man.

Do it today.

PoppadomPreach · 07/05/2013 09:30

This man has no redeeming features. Remember that if he tries to convince you to stay.

Snazzynewyear · 07/05/2013 09:40

Just dump him now. He won't change, no matter what he tells you. And if he tells you that you provoke him into acting like this, that's a lie too.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 07/05/2013 09:50

What about your son? :(

You should have dumped him when he started on him. Even if you don't want to -God knows why you wouldn't, but whatever- make it up to your child by dumping him now.

oldwomaninashoe · 07/05/2013 10:49

He puts up with where you live because he loves you!!!!!!!
His kids are better than yours and his ex is superior to you!!!!!!
He thinks he is better than you and a real catch!!!
How did his previous marriage end?, the truth now not his version.
Do you need to post here and ask for opinions?

AnyFucker · 07/05/2013 10:53

where has OP gone ?

lolaflores · 07/05/2013 11:05

Anyfucker with any luck she is loading up his stuff and tossing it merrily into the street. My Mum had one of these for many years. Her reasoning was that he drove her places.....go fucking figure.

AnyFucker · 07/05/2013 11:08

I hope that is the case.

lolaflores · 07/05/2013 11:18

I am really rooting for her. Right now I am visualising him being all contrite and her firmly pointing at the door. go on love you can do it

QuintessentialOHara · 07/05/2013 11:19

Somehow I doubt it. Sad

lolaflores · 07/05/2013 11:22

She sounded very sensible all the same and quite objective. though I suppose that is just some words on the screen. If only to give her son the space to grow up away from a malicious fuck head that isn't fit to wipe his or his mothers shoes.
Go on love, get rid

AnyFucker · 07/05/2013 17:22

We can cheerlead from afar as much as we like

But I always get a sinking heart feeling when an op disappears......

lolaflores · 07/05/2013 17:36

Yep. Probably right there AF. wish we could call in a flying squad and just like turn up, with very unamused faces and create a wall of silently furious women that the miscreant has to pass through unescorted. FFS why why why why!>

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 07/05/2013 17:40

oh please, lets not write the OP off just yet.

I am forever hopeful that she has got rid of the twunt.

I am also feeling quite optimistic today... will check later to see if OP comes back or if I have my optimism dashed.

AnyFucker · 07/05/2013 17:46

My heart could still soar again.....

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 08/05/2013 11:53

doubt it now AF. Sad

Cerisier · 08/05/2013 14:22

There is still hope. I am rooting for the OP and her lovely son. They both deserve better.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen · 08/05/2013 14:34

OP: If you're sill reading, come back and talk to us. If you don't feel strong enough to leave, there are so many of us who can help you get out.

PenelopePitstop72 · 09/05/2013 00:00

It sounds like your partner is treating you really, really poorly and being very critical of your son. It doesn't sound like a recipe for happy ever after. It sounds like you have many years of sadness and turmoil ahead. Dont bank on it improving. It will not. Dont settle for mostly bad times, interspersed with occasional good times. I doubt your son will ever gain his approval, now that your partner has now begun this very negative attitude towards him. His negativity towards your son will grow stronger and it will break your heart 1000 times over. Find the stregnth to call a halt to this relationship. Getting out will only get harder as more time passes. You will become confused, lose your confidence, doubt your own judgement and not know which way is up. you will become de-sensitized and begin to accept this treatment as normal in your life. it is not. You both deserve far better.

I have not long escaped a man with similar problems and nature. He had many huge issues and controlling ways which i will not bore you with. What i wanted to highlight was the way he treated my DD (his stepchild). it was the very same rotten treatment that you describe, and again like your son, it was completely unwarranted. Same critical comments and attitude. 12 years of our lives i gave to this man and allowed my DD to grow up subjected to his negativity and abuse. i saw the writing on the wall, in the early days. I wasnt sensible enough to follow my gut. Pinned my hopes on being able to make him recognise his failings and change. It never happened.

Im 6 months out, and our home is filled with happiness, stability and positivity (when he's not interfering and being an ar*e). Your internal alarm bells are ringing. Listen to them, and take action. For both your sakes. x

SnoopyLovesYou · 09/05/2013 00:54

HAYFEVER AND WINE!

Please tell us all how you are!

How are you feeling?

Is everything all right?

tallwivglasses · 09/05/2013 00:59

If you're deciding to stay, fine - give it a time limit. Say, middle of of June? Read those books, see if he steps up. If he doesn't after, ooh, 6 weeks you can walk out, head held high because you tried everything.

Swipe left for the next trending thread