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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

10 months in and he's turning into the arsehole from hell

109 replies

Hayfeverandwine · 06/05/2013 09:16

Been together around 10 months, almost a year. At first he was sweet as pie, funny, full of energy, ideas and enthusiasm and I loved him to bits. Fuck I wanted to marry the bloke.
Then after about 6 months he started to change somewhat. Still lovely 90% of the time but also very whiny. Going on and on about depressing stuff, blowing hot and cold on me. I talked to him, I was terrified of losing him and he seemed to relish in that. When he was going away he'd say stuff like "oh a whole night/week without me - you are going to miss me aren't you! Aww" like he loved the thought of me being upset.
Now he moans about my son every opportunity he gets saying he's lazy, selfish, thoughtless, mucky etc etc. he's 14, that's his job!! What he fails to remember is that my son is a high performer academically having already gained a gcse grade a in science at 14 - gets up 6 mornings a week at 6am to do a paper round and is often the first person his friends call if they are upset and need to talk. Because if this, he's also a peer mentor at school. Hardly hooligan of the year material!

A few weeks ago dp got drunk and was really verbally horrible to me, had me in tears. He apologised and said he was just stressed. He got drunk last night and told me his kids were better than my kids, he's not used to living like a set of estatees because his ex wife and kids are not like "my lot" but he puts up with it because he loves me. Also, after asking him where he stands on marriage as it is important to me he said he probably wouldn't want to marry again, pointed out the fact that I've never been married and asked where my past "engaged" relationships had got me and then said he couldn't imagine that any if my ex's truly wanted to marry me, they probably just felt like they had to ask.

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 06/05/2013 09:31

FFS, the first time he criticised your son would have been the moment I'd have binned him if I'd been you.
No bloke ever would get away with that.
Your kids come first.

Hayfeverandwine · 06/05/2013 09:32

I no longer want to marry him. I'm going to end it today. Last night I was so upset, he'd been away for the night and I was working Sunday morning. I'd missed him. We both get back about 1pm and have a great afternoon together laughing and joking, play fighting on the grass, fired up a BBQ, cuddled up together as it started to get dark and then boom ... He turned on me all of a sudden - just like those weeks ago when we were laughing and joking in the pub and then all of a sudden he couldn't stand the sight of me. Last night, after it all kicked off he eventually stormed up to bed and I remember sitting on the sofa with tears rolling down my face but I couldn't even muster up the energy to cry properly. I've never cried so much in my life than since we got together

OP posts:
RipleyIsMyHero · 06/05/2013 09:32

Please don't say you still love him? He's not the man you fell in love with. That man never existed. Get rid of him today - right now even!

3littlefrogs · 06/05/2013 09:34

I think you have hit the nail on the head OP. You don't want to spend the rest of your life crying.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/05/2013 09:34

Bin this abusive man twat off before your own relationship with your son is damaged beyond repair.

RipleyIsMyHero · 06/05/2013 09:34

Oops cross posted. You know it's the right thing to do. You and your son deserve so much better than that pitiful excuse of a man

stealthsquiggle · 06/05/2013 09:37

I know it's going to be a shitty day, OP, but you know you will be so much better off without him.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 06/05/2013 09:38

Glad to see you are going to end it today. Nasty.

Hope he doesn't talk you out of it.

Your son sounds an absolute delight btw Smile

BarefootShirl · 06/05/2013 09:38

You are now seeing him as he really is - I know that hurts cos it happened to me once but you have to face the facts. If he really loved you then he would take "the package" - your son included - and want to make it part of his life. And if he preferred life with his ex then why isn't he still there? Sorry OP but it's time to bin him and move onwards and upwards - life is too short to spend it with an arsehole!

Longdistance · 06/05/2013 09:39

You and your son sound like a great unit.

Why would you want this man in your life?

Glad you're going to give him the elbow.

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/05/2013 09:41

Your son sounds lovely op.

But yes, do dump him ASAP.

SirBoobAlot · 06/05/2013 09:42

Your son sounds fantastic, you've obviously done an amazing job raising him.

Neither of you need this negative bullshit from an arsehole.

StuffezLaYoni · 06/05/2013 09:42

What a horrible individual he sounds.
Glad you've realised he's a burden on your life.

Bossybritches22 · 06/05/2013 09:43

He should have gone when he started on your son.

Any new DP has to understgand you come as a package & while the reality of that day to day is not easy it is the priority & you & your son deserve better.

Is the house in your name? Any bills in his or jointly?

thenightsky · 06/05/2013 09:43

Have you posted about this arsehole before? The incident in the pub rings a bell with me.

Well done for making the decision to bin him today. Your son will thank you.

LibertineLover · 06/05/2013 09:45

Your son does indeed sound wonderful. Please don't let this arsehole destroy his confidence in himself or his Mum. Get rid OP. Good luck x

Branleuse · 06/05/2013 09:45

wow, he sounds horrid.

Dont worry about whether you love him or not. Worry about the fact hes an arsehole

Bowlersarm · 06/05/2013 09:46

It will only go from bad to worse. I'm glad he's showed his true colours so early on in your relationship and you don't have to waste any more time with him. Good luck OP.

AmberLeaf · 06/05/2013 09:47

He thinks he's better than you.

Fuck. Him. Off.

I bet you didn't really miss him, it's just he has got you feeling so insecure that you feel like you need him around you for affirmation.

He sounds like a real prick.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 06/05/2013 09:47

I hope you do have the courage and self belief to get rid of this horrible man. He is showing you his true colours.

Your son sounds lovely, dont let this arse change that!

Get Rid!

tribpot · 06/05/2013 09:50

The Jekyll and Hyde is done deliberately to make you think (a) you're going mad because he seems to switch personas in a second; and (b) he has a 'lovely' side which would stay out all the time if only he wasn't provoked or upset or whatever.

Please never put yourself in a position again where you're 'terrified' of losing someone. He's openly exploiting this fact.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/05/2013 09:50

Also once you are rid of this arsehat, do some serious work on rebuilding your own self esteem and worth because these men can and do take a long time to recover from. Womens Aid Freedom Programme is well worth doing.

I would also suggest you read "Women who love too much" written by Robin Norwood.

SacreBlue · 06/05/2013 09:52

Good luck Hay you will be well rid. No amount of 'good times' excuse such disgusting behaviour.

MeNeedShoes · 06/05/2013 09:59

What a prince. Run don't walk. And what Trib says. You need to value yourself more and then you will never be terrified of losing someone in that kind of way. I'm terrified of losing DH through some awful accident - but if he treated me like your P is treating you I'd pack his cases myself. You'll only get dished out what you put up with.

Xales · 06/05/2013 10:02

This sound very familiar you did post before didn't you?