Sex with cousin

[Bitofadviceplease]

How wrong is it?

In the "Active Convos" lineup, this looked like some sort of American college course: "Sex With Cousin 101"

ps, I think the reason it's legal in ireland is because it's so culturally abnormal they don't need to worry that it'd catch on.

i saw a programme once and it seemed to suggest that it is several generations of intermarriage that cause a problem, and that in fact if cousins marry, with no history of intermarriage at all on either side (a one off so to speak) that the increased likelihood of their child having a genetical abnormality are only increased by 1-2% but if there is intermarriage again the next generation then it leaps right up. Can't remember the figures, sorry but what I understood was that in cultures where it's abnormal for cousins to marry it's not a big deal genetically speaking. In cultures where they're blasé about marrying cousins that's where the genetic problems arise.

Wouldn't dream of it myself though. Even if I had a lovely single attractive cousin. Come on, can you imagine telling people, "meet rob - my boyfriend and cousin "

Thank you Gwendoline & yes jennymakerz he's my 2nd cousin.

Yeah and "this is Maggie, my MIL and aunt. And this is little Martha, my daughter and first cousin once removed."

Too weird.

Well, I think that a second cousin is different. I think that's perfectly OK tbh. With your first cousin, HALF of your dna coming from the same source (ie) set of grandparents, but with second cousins, it's only a quarter. Is that right? And it's not as if it's a 25% overlap of dna! it's just that 25% ofyour dna comes from the same source, but of course brothers and sister inherit different genes from the same source.

First cousin is too close for me personally but i wouldn't be as shocked as some people on this thread. I'll admit I wouldn't want to TELL people that this is my boyfriend! 'how did you meet him?'. emmm. Also, it would be awkward telling the family.

If you LOVE him, then the genetic issues are minimal, but if you don't love him the awkwardness of telling people isn't worth it. That 's just my opinion.

No.
You share half your DNA with your siblings and parents, 1/4 with grandparents and uncles/aunts, 1/8 with first cousins (so 12.5%).

www.joshuakennon.com/how-much-dna-do-you-share-with-your-blood-relatives/

You say he's your second cousin. Do you mean your parents are first cousins, or one of your parents is a sibling of his greatparents (or vice versa)?

I tend to agree with Gwendoline actually.

You share (on average) 50% of your DNA with parents and siblings - nobody outside Game of Thrones thinks it's OK to sleep with them. You share 25% with aunts/uncles/nephews/nieces - again that's illegal everywhere. By the time you get to cousins you share 12.5%, and that's the point where most places (though not the Catholic church and Ayurveda) think that the risks don't justify prohibition - though some societal taboos remain. The problem is that if cousins marry as a one off, the 7/8ths "outsider" DNA can be enough to dilute the risks. But if cousin marriage is the norm, as in the Dispatches programme's example, or the Hapsburgs, then the effect of pedigree collapse over several generations means that there is much less actual variation in the mix than that, and in practice, we're effectively up to aunt/nephew levels of inbreeding.

In the OP's example, she shares 6.25% - 1/16th DNA with her cousin, and there's no hint that inbreeding is common in her family, and they're not planning babies so the risks are very remote. The yick factor is purely down to your own family norms.

For shock value, I have an aunt whose brother and sister got married. :o

Ah, x-post with Lweji. The OP said he was her cousin's son Lweji - hence half as consanguineous as a full first cousin.

So a first cousin once removed. :o
Still, 6%, which is not too bad, and that's on average.

Unless there is a history of a recessive disease in the family, I wouldn't worry at all. Even for first cousins.

His mum is my cousin but she's quite a lot older than me. He is my 2nd cousin. We don't love each other, other than being family, we don't plan a relationship OR kids, OR to tell anyone as I'm sure it won't happen again. It's only happened once before, then last night, we're both attracted to each other but realise its really wrong so have agreed not to do it anymore.

how long have you known him OP? You said first you've known him from birth, then later you said for the past 7 years.

Obviously known about him since he was born but he lived far away until about 7years ago

He's not your second cousin.

He's your kid's second cousin.

I don't have a kid, & he IS my 2nd cousin

In Iceland there is concern that because of the small size of the population and it's being an island, people who are related may get together before they realise.

So they have now brought out an app where you can check before you get overly romantic.

If his mother is your cousin, then he's your first cousin once removed.

He would be second cousin to your child (and possibly father too?).

He would be second cousin to your child (and possibly father too?).
:o

I reckon given the billions of people on the planet, I'd chose one of them over a relative.

I'm sure it's legal and evidently genetically a low risk, but its a whole can of worms that can stay firmly shut IMHO.

well let's face it. How wrong is it to fuck a man you think is hot, but don't really know, and have no intention of forming a long-term relationship with.

If the only group of people you're going to tell is a bunch of faceless strangers on MN, then don't hold back, fuck anybody you like.

Then come ask us if your behaviour is acceptable.

You'll get as many 'OK' as 'ewwww' as you did just now. Hot and mindless and enjoyable sex is what it says, I guess, family ties or no family ties, if that's your take on it.

Or have I totally got the wrong end of the stick?

(^^ don't bother asking, rhetorical ? and all that....)

What's your point, exactly, Lost?

We don't love each other, other than being family, we don't plan a relationship OR kids, OR to tell anyone as I'm sure it won't happen again. It's only happened once before, then last night, we're both attracted to each other but realise its really wrong so have agreed not to do it anymore.

So why the hell are you asking anyone else's opinions?

You obviously both know it'll piss your families off big time. So - as a lot of us have been saying, it's not illegal but you have to consider your families.

Sounds like he is doing that, even if you're too "in lust" to do that.

Hope this quick shag was worth it.

Sorry but I think he's a using bastard, and you've been a bit of a mug.

At least with a one night stand outside the family you can forget about it.

I'm pretty sure that if someone came on and said "I'm having hot no strings attached sex with a bloke I know from my karate class" then there would be a massive synchronised shoulder shrugging "and...?" from MN Lost. Nobody would care.

People feel differently about this one because a) there could be family fallout if it goes wrong and b) for some people it triggers deep rooted taboo responses.

I shouldn't of posted. Didn't want nasty responses, no need for it. Not sure how I delete the thread. Sorry I posted

You cannot delete the thread, but can ask MN to.

Don't be sorry you posted, but it might have helped if you had added in your OP that the deed had already been done.

Hope you are ok and that there won't be family fallout from this.

Take care.