The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Whacking The Wine Witch Round The Chops (With Barry The Squid).

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

I'm one of the Brave Babes who's travelling on this wonderful, magical, mysterious Bus, trying to hold onto my sobriety for me, and for my family.

I do drink but thanks to this Bus, I've kicked the vodka addiction into touch and the evil WineWitch has been banished far, far away so I now drink in a controlled manner, One Day At A Time. :)

By that, I mean that just for today, I won't be drinking. Tomorrow, however, I will be because it's a very special occasion. The day after will be dealt with when I wake, and the day after that, the day after etc.....

We're a Bus filled with some fantastic posters, some who drink, some who don't touch a drop ever and some who are on/off drinkers who have lovely warm seats in the side-car, some are hanging onto the roof-rack by the tips of their fingers and trying their best to resist the dreaded WineWitch's charms night after night. But they are trying, and that's all that any of us can do, is keep trying, keep starting again!

So, if you think that you're drinking too much (you probably are) why not come and say hi? We won't bite - unless you ask very nicely, manners cost nothing .

There's lots of seats so pick whichever one you like and have a . Just jump in, we're not a judgemental pack of quiche makers

And here's a bit of light reading for you.... our latest thread and the very first one, the reason we're all here.

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

Hey BMe - welcome to the Bus and of course you can sit at the back!! It's where most of us sit at some point

Well done on de-lurking and joining the journey, not sure where we are heading tonight but it's not going to be anywhere fancy, I'm knackered and have a date with a mound of paperwork

Hi Babes and thanks for the mentions,I thought I'd reply re Orchid's question re detoxing. You can look back at my posts from around December 14th 2012 that's when I'd had enough and joined the bus, decided to absolutely stop killing myself, and investigate AA help. At the time my GP had signed me off sick for several months with depression and I had meds for that and sleeping pills too. Gp did not know extent of my drinking, it was 3 bottles a day starting early and finishing late, or rather drinking a bottle over about an hour and a half, an hour of faffing, then sleeping or blacking out, waking up saying no more and after about an hour or so trotting off to the shop to get the next bottle - repeat as above - that basically was my day/night for a very long time. I could no longer work and was a complete mess.

So I decided to stop - as Mouse says not the best thing to do,but I'd investigated programmes and detoxing in clinics and either did not have the courage or the money to do it. I really could only admit this to myself.

So I stopped - over the course of a week took small doses of sleeping pills around the clock to keep me from shaking and losing the plot, I stayed in my room with my computer and reached out from my bed. After about 3 days I ventured out and went to the first AA meeting I could find.

For me it was fear of what I was doing to myself (my liver hurt and I felt like an old woman) , family history of alcoholism, loneliness, and constant pressure of stifling my emotions and messing up my relationship with my kids that pushed me to finally own up and stop messing around with that poison.

You have to want to do this as ultimately you only have yourself to fall back on - the mind (or the wine witch as she's called) will play dirty tricks on you, telling you everything is OK drink is good, just today, I'll stop tomorrow, I'm not like all the rest etc etc.

I am an alcoholic, the fact I can't drink sensibly, made myself ill, and came close to really messing up my life is testament to that. I could no longer deny it - and today I do not deny it. Today I WILL NOT BE DRINKING.

whatever way you do this, whatever conclusion you come to about your own habit and how you stop is up to you. This was just my experience. Hope it helps.

Koala

Quick update, am beyond exhausted. After being more positive yesterday, back to square one. Richard had very bad night, full of night terrors and voices and tears. Had had one bottle by the time I got to him at lunchtime.
Sorted out Richards job seekers claim and switched it to a different one ,can't remember the name of it.That took ages.discovered that he hadn't filled in his housing benefit form, so sorted that out with a lovely compassionate lady - Leanne Dunn, God bless you for your kindness.
Anyway, got Richard and mum together. Lots of tears. He is so low and terrified and full of self hate and fear.He was asking for John, so I phoned John and told him to get his ass up here pronto. He is coming tomorrow. A very exhausting day.

koala so so pleased things are going well, you've worked
So hard for this and your amazingly positive posts are Inspiring to all of us. Good job babe x x x

Koala you have come such a long way in such a short time. I bet that Day 1 seemed like forever. I bet that first week took every ounce of willpower. You did it. You're still doing it. You have shown that you can achieve anything if you want to, if you want it bad enough.

I keep thinking of that quote earlier - If you want something you will find a way, if you don't you will find an excuse.

It's that simple really. Anyone who wants to stop, ask yourself. Do you really want to? If the answer is yes, then you can do it. Even if it's just for one day, you can do it.

Joey are you ok. Haven't seen a post from you for a while, unless I missed it. How are things with you?

Brilliant post Koala - thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I'm also glad you took action and actually researched the 'Just Stopping', taking the sleepers was a great idea, locking yourself away because life as you knew it was to be no more.

Sleep heals so very much.

Body, mind and soul.

You sound so much better than you did when we first met, the changes in you are fantastic.

I'd advise you Orchid to search Koala's posts and read back, see how she did it. Or any other Babes for that matter.

When someone has gone from rock bottom, sleeping (passing out pissed), drinking, waking, a small amount of functioning, sleeping, drinking, sleeping, drinking, sleeping........... on and on and on and on and on and on for days on end, weeks, months......

You get to the point where you just have to STOP. It gets too much, too much effort to even get pissed, to even go and get the alcohol. To live the lies anymore. It's too much.

Ma so glad he is coming. You need to take a day off and let him spend the time with Richard. Don't lose focus on your own goals, you really need to take extra special care of yourself x

Back to day one all your stories are so inspirational I'm Hoping to borrow some of your strength to help me at least cut down

Hey all,

Koala - fab post, well done to you :)
I have found the past two days really hard :( Don't know why?
Anyway today is day 9 :) I will not be drinking today.
Going to get a lime and lemonade - find some trashy tv to watch and then go to sleep.
On a positive I look better, sleeping is getting better but still feel exhausted.
Isindie - don't be too hard on yourself, I suspect the parents were just grateful to you for helping their daughter :)
See u tomorrow x L

IsinDe - I'm asking you this because I love you and I can. Do you think that you will ever break the cycle sweetheart? And do you want to?

xx

Moving on IsinDe - Well done for scooping up that little girl, we also had train ishoos when I was going to see friends. DH helped me on the train with Nemo in his arms, as I couldn't manage the bag and my stick etc..... he put me and my case on, doors shut and off we all went. Not feed, money, nappies etc for him or Nemo as he'd literally dropped me off and didn't want to leave him in the car.

Can you imagine what would happen if he HAD left him in the car?

I doubt the couple gave your breath a second thought, I should imagine that they were beyond grateful for you saving their poor little girl from the crush. xx

Ma - that in the grand scheme of things, today has been a better day re getting things in order. I'm so sorry for all of the tears but maybe, the tears are what's needed to let the grief, the utter loss of himself, the former Richard, the former man, the former brother, the former son...... things have moved on. Well done xx

Baby - great to see you :) xx

Purps - are you around? Drinking or not, come say hi lovely.

Off to watch some tv and then bed, only to be thrown out for snoring again.... well, given enough 'sighs' to make me want to go and get in with Nemo which then doubles my pain but I hate that I keep DH awake, another thing to tell the GP about.

Anyway - night lovely Babes, take good care out there xxx

Day 10 here :)
Still loving waking up sober. Got a busy day with some lovely things planned this afternoon.
See you all later.
Today I will not be drinking :)

Well done Lonnika. Day two here. Hurrah finally had AF day. Awful night but that's mostly down to the meds I'm taking. In pain all the time at the mo. nothing to be done but learn to live with it. Wine helps with the frustration but it's not the answer. Sorry not to name check hope you all have a good day. I will NOT be drinking

Hi greenfield, sorry about the pain.
Day 3. Today I will not be drinking. Work drinks later: will be clear headed and professional.
Well done on day 10 lonnika.
How are you, ma?
Koala thanks for another great post last night.
So much going on, so much stress BUT TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

Good luck all babes

koala thanks for sharing, I think you are very brave.
Waves to all on the mad windy morning. Took your advise mouse had a just a few glasses last night, not whiskey, and asleep by 11. I think you are right just stopping dead will be a huge shock. Feeling a bit shaky and hot this morning but ok. Going to get a good days work done.
ma again sorry to hear you are have a terrible time with your DB, I don;t know where you are and maybe different to hear but when my DP was having these kind of episode and very much glued to a bottle of wine the crisis MHT were on hand to help. Hope you get some help soon.

Hi isinde, thanks also for your thought provoking post. I am directness child's parents didn't notice or mind but that sort of paranoia is part and parcel of what week. Also I sense ambivalence in you about drinking - yes it is problematic and perhaps not helpful to talk about but there are some problems it does solve.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

ORCHID IS A STAR!!

That is all.

Morning all, Mouse problems with my blood pressure (high) so had to wear 24 bp monitor on Tuesday.

Greeny - what pain is it again lovely? Remind me? I can so relate to you drinking to help with the pain, it really dose help take the edge off so I'm not going to preach to you about that. I'm sorry to read that you are suffering lovely. It sounds long term from what you've posted.

Well done on not drinking!

Can I ask what pain meds you are on? :) xx

Curry - Also I sense ambivalence in you about drinking - yes it is problematic and perhaps not helpful to talk about but there are some problems it does solve.

That really struck a cord with me, absolutely, deep within. That is so true of me, of how I was and how I am still sometimes now....... Thank you for writing that line, food for thought :) xx

Today Nemo is at school for lunch and then I'm going to sort through his clothes, I have bags just stuffed under his bed, some never worn because he was in hospital so much or in babygros because of his reflux so we'd keep his clothes for 'best' not realising that there wouldn't be a 'best'

Anyway, Nemo's support worker is here, be back later :) xx

Oh no Obrigada - sorry to hear that, I think you did mention it but I'm not great at remembering stuff just now. I hope you're okay lovely? How is your arm? xx

Morning lovely babes....

Orchid Yay!

mouse ^Lemony - mouse do you have an appointment with a GP? It's all sounding a bit meh.

Sorry, I'm lost, what's sounding 'meh'? ^

I meant that you were a poor thing. You already suffer bad back pain and you were really, really stressed a little while ago, and now... you've got this other "thing" that has come up. That's "meh" - as in, bloody hell, NOW WHAT? I meant it kindly...

ma Good. I'm very glad your other brother is coming to see Richard. Good for you for putting your foot down.

isinde I think the couple would have been so relieved that someone had an eye out, that they wouldn't have given your breath a second thought.

obrigada Any progress on the bp?

greeny what is the pain? Your back?

lonnika Well done you :)

Thanks for asking babes :) mouse it is a form of neuropathic pain. Don't want to say exactly what for fear out outing self, but normal pain meds won't work. It's not severe by any means and nothing compared to your pain levels but it is pretty constant and incurable so I get frustrated and it makes me miserable. I really do just have to learn to live with it. There are things that help some people so I will keep trying to get some relief. One of life's curve balls to deal with. Wine does not make it go away but takes away the negative feelings about it and makes me care less ( also helps me sleep)

curry what you said is interesting. For me Wine does not solve problems but it dulls feelings so I don't think about or worry about the problem, but it is still there when the wine wears off. It's a temporary fix for my emotional state which is often welcome.

For me this is key because you cannot just take away wine without addressing the emotions it dulls. Either by way of finding a way to process those emotions or by some kind of alternative activity which helps you to relax, forget etc like art, gardening, exercise.

As someone who has reached for alcohol since a very early age to dill emotions i've never really learnt any other way.

Lemony - I knew you meant it nicely :) just whether or not you thought the docs were fucking me about or I was fucking about at getting them to commit. Thank you for caring :) xx

Greeny - sounds utterly shite lovely, and it's not a pain competition! Pain is fucking crushing and I hate it. I hate hate hate hate hate living sometimes, I want to die or be put to sleep rather than have the pain I do.

My family, friends and the good things in my life, are the ONLY reason I'm still here and I truly believe that. I know that sounds so 'fucking dramatic' and 'woe is me' but pain is crippling and it is getting worse all of the time.

Nothing helps for long, nothing stops it completely, not forever. I'm so sorry you are suffering xx