Totally absent dad come out of the woodwork

[TakingTimeOut]

I'm not sure if relationships is the best place to put this but could do with some advice.

I have Dtwins with an ex. He was an alcoholic, weed smoking fuckwit. I was young and naïve - totally in love with him despite my parents concerns.

At 5 months pregnant he upped and left. He didn't talk to me about it, instead leaving me a note simply saying that he wasn't ready to be a dad.

Devastated was an understatement. If it wasn't for my family I would never have coped.

The twins are 12 now (13 this year) and have never met their dad. They see his parents regularly and have seen photos of him but haven't any contact whatsoever. He did a bunk over to Ireland so I'm told but has clearly been uninterested in his kids.

Until now.

His parents have told me he's now wanting to meet the twins possibly in the summer. He recently got married and had a baby.

I don't know what to do. I've moved on, happily married to DH and have another wonderful child and two wonderful DSC. The children have never asked about contacting him and we're quite happy as we are.

I'm so afraid that if he directly gets in contact all my resentment towards him for leaving me while pregnant is going to resurface. How dare he think he can just swan in and everything be fine. How dare he quite happily play dad with one after pretty much writing out the others.

So I am beyond livid. I've had nothing but abuse off the twat. I reiterated that contact would be a slow process. He seemed to back down and has had one conversation with DT1 which resulted in him calling her a spoilt bitch who doesn't know how to respect her elders - all because she called him by his first name and not dad. He then went in to a tirade of how she didn't know the background so had no right to judge and how I'm a poisonous bitch for poisoning their minds when he's trying to make amends.

Your poor DTs!

There is no way a court would make them have contact with their bio dad in these circumstances if they do not wish it. Children as young as 10 can have their views taken into account at court.

Keep a log of every conversation you have (can you say that you'll only accept emails from him, not telephone calls, so that you have a record of everything he says?)

Can you have a word with his parents and explain exactly what he did to your DT1 and how agressive he is to you? Although he is their son I think they should be aware of the abuse you are getting from him.

I'd be very tempted to just tell him to take me to court and let the judge tell him off. More and more people are self representing now due to the changes in legal aid. There's some good info on www.gov.uk and www.childrenslegalcentre.com

agree with can you say that you'll only accept emails from him, not telephone calls, so that you have a record of everything he says?)

also only emails to dts . no phone calls - make a note of the conversaion and log it so it is recorded what happened.

maybe call adoptionc harities ask about how contact happpens and what support there is when chidlren seek out their bio parents - not dissimilar ? tho obviously they older - GP could refer to family therapist to get emotional support if dts curious and want to meet him but with support

I think you have heard enough from him to know that any contact in the vein he is expecting, coupled with his behaviour, is not in your DTs interests at this stage in their lives. I would block all contact and tell him to get lost. None if you need any of that crap in your lives.

let him take it to the courts. Absolutely no way would I let him have any contact with them after that! Make notes of the conversation and any other correspondence you get, and don't back down.

Arsehole. So sorry for your poor DTs