How would you react to this?

[atosilis]

I travelled for an hour to look after my beautiful grandbaby while her parents were unpacking after a move.

I left at 11.15 in the morning and got home at 7.15 this evening.

Sat down with a sandwich and changed the channel on the TV. OH went mad.

I know AF, hence the forewarning of a hamster-wheel icon. Sorry, it must be very annoying to keep, keep, keep giving advice and nothing happens.

MN is an opportunity to shout into the void.

But MN isn't the void. The void is the huge chasm between how a loving partner would treat you, and how your husband treats you.

Seriously, why do you stay? Surely your kids would understand why you don't want to be his servant any more?

I have just quietly asked him why he was so angry at my choice of what I wanted to watch.

Him - "Because it didn't make sense, you only wanted to change the channel to stop me from what I was watching."

Me -"What? I'm never that petty, why on God's earth would I do that to annoy you?"

Him - "You were just winding me up, I'd was enjoying it"

Me- "I wasn't trying to be annoying, what was it?

Him - "What?"

Me - "What were you enjoying, maybe we can catch up on Iplayer?"

Him - "I don't know, it's irrelevant what I wanted, you do whatever you want to do and now I'm going to bed" (seen this act 100 times)

Me - "Ok, let's just sit and choose a film now. Seriously, whatever you fancy"

Him - "I'm going to bed, just fuck off"

just fuck off

Aren't you tempted?

Yup, got the stash fund ready.

The really sad thing is that he has a heart of gold and doesn't understand that what he says isn't RIGHT. He gets very annoyed with baby2, I explain that she is just like him - she won't be told.

"Yes, I agree, but she won't be told that she's wrong. I am her father, and she won't accept that I'm right".

He isn't cruel, he is like a armour-wearing labrador, with the things they put on horses to stop them looking sideways.

A soppy git, covered in steel, walking a path which must not be deviated from.

Oh god, sometimes I am SO glad I live alone.

You are romaticising his inadequacy

It does you no favours

This isn't 1960's Italy, and this is your children's only chance to have an upbringing where they don't see poor relationships modelled for them to aspire to in their future lives

Oh well, I'm glad it's all fine really and he's not really a git

Funnily enough, I am stronger now than ever before. The girls have all left home and haven't witnessed this bollocks for years. The youngest did but you can tell this, she can't hold a conversation with him.

We have mentioned separating but he said he will never, ever give up this house, this family and all he has ever worked for.

I tried to leave once and he said he would burn all my clothes and have the dog put down. No he wouldn't put the dog down - but I believed it then.

I will tolerate you matey, I will go to work, I will be your companion, we will share the fucking TV - just don't push me.

Just leave him.

You say you are stronger, but you post on MN, looking for what ?

Just one person to say you are doing the right thing in "keeping the family together" and perhaps find some misery in company from other women tolerating arseholes for the sake of being in a relationship ?

Leave him, take your clothes, take the dog and have a charge put on the house to force it's sale

It is bricks and mortar...no more, no less

As AF said.

Don't try.
Do it.

Have someone with you if you are afraid of what he'll do.

But (to take the most trivial example) you're not even actually sharing the TV. So even the smallest of these things doesn't actually work to your advantage. I don't see that it is actually putting you in a strong position. "Just don't push me" - but he is pushing you, and is getting away with it!

I'd really like to know what job he has that makes stacks of money lying on the sofa?

Because I might consider doing it part time.

He hasn't got a heart of gold! He's a malicious, pompous, controlling arse!

He details the price of milk, for god's sake? He assumes your everyday wish to watch a TV programme is about him? He frightened you into staying with him, by threatening to kill your pet!

His heart, my dear, is not gold. Have you seen Lord of the Rings? His heart is like Gollum.

Basil, it's his pension. I'm sure he amassed this fortune thanks to atosilis supporting him, running his home and bringing up his family.

There are NO prizes for staying, just a waste of your life trying to win a battle of wills he doesn't even recognise.

It's okay to keep venting. You have heard the consensus, but it's you that is living your life.

If you won't leave you need to work out how to keep hating him. That is the thing that will protect you.

Good luck.

What an utterly grim way to spend your one and only life

Yes.

You have one life.

Just one.

FGS, spend it happier.