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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lala Update - hold my hand now please! X

66 replies

LalaDipsey · 14/04/2013 21:56

Hi all.
Well I haven't posted for ages as there was nothing new to add - H persisted to not look for somewhere to live with any great urgency, I started the freedom programme and then H got quite poorly in February meaning he needs an operation. So I couldn't push him to go when he was poorly. However when we got his op date, about a month ago now, of 15th April (tomorrow), and he said he couldn't look until after he had recovered I said I couldn't cope with another 6-8 weeks of sleeping in with the twins. He said 'so for so many reasons you want me gone then?'.
And he looked and found a flat which he has signed the papers on and he moves out as soon as he has recovered from the operation but worse case scenario will be gone in 2 weeks.
We have just had a conversation tho where it transpires I think he thinks he is going to come back here every weekend (?!).
Very odd.
He has been loads better - he didn't drink at all from Jan 1st until 2-3 weeks ago and tonight is the first night I have seen him drunk (pre op nerves) but regardless of that (tonight he said he never thought I would see it through and would say he could stay) I really think my door has closed. I cannot wait for him to go. For the house to me mine. To create a routine with me and the kids. We haven't had any talk about access though just his random comment tonight that he would come back at weekends so I need help with that and to talk to dd. whilst I think there will be no big loss to her when he goes, of course to her he is 'Disney Dad' - no baths, dressing, feeding etc just 10-15 mins play once maybe twice a day. However to her she may yet be quite distressed. He can be away with work 2-4 nights a week so she is used to him being away and he just went away for a week on holiday and she only asked about him twice so I think things will be ok. Anyway - about 2 weeks to go now so if anyone can remember me I would really appreciate some encouragement. Thanks X

OP posts:
MrsTomHardy · 29/04/2013 22:15

Well done Smile

legoqueen · 29/04/2013 22:44

Thats great news, you've done so well, Lala!

zxcv123 · 29/04/2013 22:49

Fantastic! I was beginning to think you wouldn't actually get there. But you have.

Now sit down with a solicitor and get the paperwork/finances sorted.

PS I hope you are washing your hair in the mornings whenever you like, letting the children make as much mess as they want, inviting friends over & generally just LIVING YOUR OWN LIFE. (Feels good,eh? Wink)

Jokat · 30/04/2013 21:23

Very happy for you Grin

AndMiffyWentToSleep · 03/05/2013 19:04

How did I miss that updat?? It's fantastic news! I'm so pleased for you - though wobbles seem completely understandable.
How are you getting on now?

SecrectFarleysNibbler · 03/05/2013 22:05

Hi Lala!

I have been back at work full time and its been tough as a single mum!!!! Lots of things have had to go on the back burner such as time to float on mums net!! BUT you came into my mind today and I wanted to check back and what do I find?? HE HAS GONE!!! Yea! Well done for keeping going - you have chipped away at this for months and months and here you are on the edge of your new adventure! I REALLY wish you well and hope that life now offers you a new, more confident, reality! My Tombliboo is now 18 mths and its fantastic - she is really emerging as her own little person! You will be able to breath easy and enjoy your little ones without the emotional baggage you have had to carry for so long. I can not tell you how much it has made my day to hear your news! Here's to you! Much love xxxx

LalaDipsey · 07/05/2013 14:11

Hi all and big wave to secret - gosh 18 months now, that's bonkers!!
Things are good. Twunt has had 2 Saturdays to visit - first one here 11-1 did pretty much bugger all - 2nd visit he was 40 minutes late and stayed for less than 2 hours and didn't take dd out which had been planned (to be fair she was poorly but he could have).
But - I am really chilled relaxed and happy. I don't miss him. Life is no different without him here apart from less stress! We did go on an outing with him yday so that the dc got a BH trip out and that was good - he was useful and if I can use him from time to time to do things I couldn't do without another pair of hands then great.
I have reorganised the kitchen how I want it and the twingles are now, finally, in their own room!!! And I have a bedroom to myself and am loving going to bed with a book and a camomile tea whenever I want Grin
And to top it all off the sun is shining GrinGrin

OP posts:
LalaDipsey · 07/05/2013 14:12

And full time too Secret gosh you are fab to be balancing that with your LO xx

OP posts:
wheredidiputit · 07/05/2013 15:59

Glad you have had a good relax time now h isn't at home. Shame to see he living up to expectation and not being a good parent.

BTW I had to read your post twice as the first time I read as 'twiglets' have a room of their own rather then 'twingles' and thought that one way of filling up the space exh took up Grin.

Snorbs · 07/05/2013 16:26

LaLa, it's fantastic to hear just how much of yourself you have regained so fast. The peace and calm you get from taking back control is really quite something isn't it? I still remember closing the door behind my ex when she finally moved out and feeling this immense wave of relief wash over me.

I'm so pleased for you!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 07/05/2013 17:36

Life is no different without him here apart from less stress!

Well done, Lala, peace perfect peace.

AndMiffyWentToSleep · 08/05/2013 19:12

Lovely to hear everything is going well - I'm so pleased for you!

scarletforya · 08/05/2013 19:47

Ahhhh, that's fantastic! Enjoy the peace Lala! Grin Brew

hillyhilly · 12/05/2013 10:42

Great update lala, well done

SecrectFarleysNibbler · 17/05/2013 10:48

SmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmile Lala is Freeeeeeeee!
Flowers

legoqueen · 18/05/2013 12:24

Only just picked this up...YAY!! Well done!

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